Found out DD13’s good friend’s father is on the sex offender registey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That must be horrible. I assume you haven’t told DD yet? Let DD’s friend come over to your house, but always supervise pickup and drop off (for example, if you’re at work, don’t let the friend’s father drop the friend off to an empty-except-DD house).

I feel bad for DD’s friend. She probably doesn’t know.

I truly don’t get the impression the girl knows. I have no plans of telling DD. She’s never even spoken to the father. I’ve only met him briefly, and then spoke to him via the phone when they were younger and needed coordinating.

I don’t think you should engage in gossip generally, but this is a safety issue. Your dd is a teenager now and will become much more independent in the next few years. If you want to make sure she never accepts a ride from this man or finds herself alone in his company while friend uses the bathroom or something like that, you need to have a conversation with her. It’s okay to couch it like you’re not sure exactly what he did or whether he poses any threat, but that because he has some sort of record, she needs to be cautious and limit interactions with him. Emphasize that you don’t know his story, you don’t think this should interfere with her friendship, and that it’s not her place to confront her friend with this revelation or to talk about it with other kids behind her friend’s back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough situation, but I second the contribution that all sorts of non-abusive, non-sexual things can get people onto the sex offender registry, like getting caught peeing in a public place. (Good manners, no, but if you did it when you were 21 and you're still getting punished, that's a lot.) Take care of yourself and your daughter and that's all you need to do.

It's easy enough to click and see what the specific crimes were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That must be horrible. I assume you haven’t told DD yet? Let DD’s friend come over to your house, but always supervise pickup and drop off (for example, if you’re at work, don’t let the friend’s father drop the friend off to an empty-except-DD house).

I feel bad for DD’s friend. She probably doesn’t know.

I truly don’t get the impression the girl knows. I have no plans of telling DD. She’s never even spoken to the father. I’ve only met him briefly, and then spoke to him via the phone when they were younger and needed coordinating.

.... but your OP says youve talked with him extensively about your adjacent careers. Which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That must be horrible. I assume you haven’t told DD yet? Let DD’s friend come over to your house, but always supervise pickup and drop off (for example, if you’re at work, don’t let the friend’s father drop the friend off to an empty-except-DD house).

I feel bad for DD’s friend. She probably doesn’t know.

I bet she does know but he’s told her it was a “misunderstanding” and downplayed it. You really think this girl never asked why she can’t ever have friends over at her house???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The registry is mostly garbage.

They should be totally revamped or ditched.

Please give us one citation that proves or supports your comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would continue to be a safe space for the friend and keep your home open to her, absolutely. But obviously never ever over there.

I was hoping this would be the consensus, because this is how I feel! She is so sweet and a good friend to DD and I don’t want to punish her for her father’s actions! Thanks for your kind reply.

SO that's what you do. Remember people can change. If your are at all religious I imagine your religion tells you to forgive. My immediate neighbor is on a registry and actually served time (computer porn). I love his wife. He's been nothing but great and kind to my family. I have forgiven. Can you?

can you all stop gossiping for ten seconds and think of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would continue to be a safe space for the friend and keep your home open to her, absolutely. But obviously never ever over there.

I was hoping this would be the consensus, because this is how I feel! She is so sweet and a good friend to DD and I don’t want to punish her for her father’s actions! Thanks for your kind reply.

SO that's what you do. Remember people can change. If your are at all religious I imagine your religion tells you to forgive. My immediate neighbor is on a registry and actually served time (computer porn). I love his wife. He's been nothing but great and kind to my family. I have forgiven. Can you?

can you all stop gossiping for ten seconds and think of this?

Yes, I have thought of your neighbor who went to jail for child porn and you say he has been very kind to your family, which. I've been thinking of it a lot because I am hoping you don't have children who he is "great and kind" to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would continue to be a safe space for the friend and keep your home open to her, absolutely. But obviously never ever over there.

I was hoping this would be the consensus, because this is how I feel! She is so sweet and a good friend to DD and I don’t want to punish her for her father’s actions! Thanks for your kind reply.

SO that's what you do. Remember people can change. If your are at all religious I imagine your religion tells you to forgive. My immediate neighbor is on a registry and actually served time (computer porn). I love his wife. He's been nothing but great and kind to my family. I have forgiven. Can you?

Sure you can forgive. But never ever forget. Believe it when people show you who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would continue to be a safe space for the friend and keep your home open to her, absolutely. But obviously never ever over there.

I was hoping this would be the consensus, because this is how I feel! She is so sweet and a good friend to DD and I don’t want to punish her for her father’s actions! Thanks for your kind reply.

SO that's what you do. Remember people can change. If your are at all religious I imagine your religion tells you to forgive. My immediate neighbor is on a registry and actually served time (computer porn). I love his wife. He's been nothing but great and kind to my family. I have forgiven. Can you?

can you all stop gossiping for ten seconds and think of this?

Why? OP has not been wronged and the man in question isn’t attempting to make amends with her. This isn’t about forgiveness. He may have changed, he may not have changed. OP is just looking for advice on how to handle this in terms of her DD’s friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would continue to be a safe space for the friend and keep your home open to her, absolutely. But obviously never ever over there.

I was hoping this would be the consensus, because this is how I feel! She is so sweet and a good friend to DD and I don’t want to punish her for her father’s actions! Thanks for your kind reply.

SO that's what you do. Remember people can change. If your are at all religious I imagine your religion tells you to forgive. My immediate neighbor is on a registry and actually served time (computer porn). I love his wife. He's been nothing but great and kind to my family. I have forgiven. Can you?

You actually don’t have to forgive the man at all to continue to be good to his daughter. They’re two separate people. The daughter has done nothing wrong- OP doesn’t need to shun her or keep her DD away NOR does she need to worry herself for forgiving a crime that didn’t involve her.