Dating and constant social media posts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating someone for the past three months and she consistently posts everything we do on social media. On Instagram in her stories she posts what we ate, drank, and every stop we make. She's posted numerous selfies in my home. We're over 40. I'm not sure if she's just excited to be out or what, but is this normal behavior in 2024? It feels like she has something to prove to someone.

XDH does this. He even posts pics of people he dated after they broke up. Some women have told him to stop doing this (or so my kids say), and you should do the same. If she doesn't listen to your wishes and stop, then run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who do this very obviously want a specific ex to see their posts.

Very much this. “Let me show you how over you I am.”

That’s who she’s thinking about when she posts these things. Not you.

Great. I thought it might be something like that.

It could also be her competing with a friend or colleague, trying to prove how much better her life is. Or to prove to her parents or siblings that she's in a good relationship or something. It's not always an ex. But especially in this day and age and for someone this age, there is no question that she is posting this stuff for a specific audience.

I know a woman who regularly posts stuff that is 100% aimed at a former friend with whom she had a falling out. She will post stuff that she thinks will make that friend jealous. It's not a healthy attitude BUT it's also not her trying to prove anything to an ex. I think she's happy with her partner and not thinking about another man. Actually, the guy she's with shares her penchant for pettiness so he might even be in on it.

Maybe you could say something, like "who do you post this stuff for? I know it's not me because I was there." See how she responds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross. I know women who did this with relationship but they were younger (late 20s/early 30s) and it was a decade ago. It comes off as extremely insecure to me, especially in someone older. You should not need other people to see your relationship in order to feel good about it.

This is the same person - if they were doing it 10 years ago @ 30, why wouldn't they do it now, 10 years later @ 40? Some people are just like this.

[Anonymous]

No, not normal.

I'm dating a wonderful man (we are also in our 40s) and we have never posted on social media together. It's just not necessary. Not that I would object to him posting something but I don't feel the need to broadcast our relationship.

This is obviously bothering you, OP. Can you bring it up and say something?

[Anonymous]

Every woman thinks she's the star in her very own movie.

[Anonymous]

Run

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating someone for the past three months and she consistently posts everything we do on social media. On Instagram in her stories she posts what we ate, drank, and every stop we make. She's posted numerous selfies in my home. We're over 40. I'm not sure if she's just excited to be out or what, but is this normal behavior in 2024? It feels like she has something to prove to someone.

If you're both over 40, yeah that's problematic. That's the behavior of 20 somethings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gross. I know women who did this with relationship but they were younger (late 20s/early 30s) and it was a decade ago. It comes off as extremely insecure to me, especially in someone older. You should not need other people to see your relationship in order to feel good about it.

This is the same person - if they were doing it 10 years ago @ 30, why wouldn't they do it now, 10 years later @ 40? Some people are just like this.

Some people outgrow it, though. I didn't do this with relationships, but when I was late 20s and early 30s, I definitely was kind of insecure and used social media to project a certain image and try and impress certain people or make them jealous. Vacation photos, pics with my friends out at some cool new restaurant, selfie when I was #feelingcute (yes, you an make fun of me). But I grew up, realized I was doing this stuff for validation and just feeding my own insecurity. I quit Facebook and made my instagram private and started posting way, way less. I'm just more mature. It was a phase and I evolved beyond it. I know other women my age (early to mid 40s) who did the same.

If I met someone my current age who was still doing this aggressively, I would feel bad for them. It's not a very good way to try and make yourself feel better. The likes and views feel good at first but in the end it's empty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people I know who do this very obviously want a specific ex to see their posts.

This is what it always comes down to.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all of your input. After thinking about it it does seems that she's creating this content for a specific reason. Not sure what. Also, not sure that this is something I want to be a part of. Constantly making videos while we're out is getting old pretty quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all of your input. After thinking about it it does seems that she's creating this content for a specific reason. Not sure what. Also, not sure that this is something I want to be a part of. Constantly making videos while we're out is getting old pretty quick.

Depends on what you're looking for long term. I'm assuming you wouldn't marry someone who broadcasts intimate details of your private life. If it's just sex then it might be nice that you don't have to have substantive conversations or actively engage when she's figuring out camera angles/poses.

[Anonymous]

It’s childish. Would’ve ended date one halfway through if somebody was doing that the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all of your input. After thinking about it it does seems that she's creating this content for a specific reason. Not sure what. Also, not sure that this is something I want to be a part of. Constantly making videos while we're out is getting old pretty quick.

I think you should try talking to her about it and see what she says.

I don’t post much on social, but these replies are a bit over the top. We just don’t know that she’s thinking of an ex, or that she’s massively insecure, or whatever else about her. Maybe she’s just excited about her times with you but would be fine toning it down with the posts if you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all of your input. After thinking about it it does seems that she's creating this content for a specific reason. Not sure what. Also, not sure that this is something I want to be a part of. Constantly making videos while we're out is getting old pretty quick.

I’m one of the PPs who said she’s likely doing it to prove something to an ex, but I agree it could be any number of other intended targets, including just the dopamine hit of getting likes. And a quick photo post is one thing, but videos? Yikes. Do your interactions seem scripted?

Like a different PP said, if it’s just sex, that’s one thing. But if you’re looking for a real relationship, I’d ask some questions and see where they go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all of your input. After thinking about it it does seems that she's creating this content for a specific reason. Not sure what. Also, not sure that this is something I want to be a part of. Constantly making videos while we're out is getting old pretty quick.

I’m one of the PPs who said she’s likely doing it to prove something to an ex, but I agree it could be any number of other intended targets, including just the dopamine hit of getting likes. And a quick photo post is one thing, but videos? Yikes. Do your interactions seem scripted?

Like a different PP said, if it’s just sex, that’s one thing. But if you’re looking for a real relationship, I’d ask some questions and see where they go.

This. If she seems happy and her posts about you are positive then why not keep her for the short term? Personally I would put her in the side piece category. This is assuming she's an "influencer" so only cares that you take her somewhere worthy of posting and doesn't expect any meaningful interactions (other than having sex when she puts the phone down).