Teen freezing up when there is a lot of schoolwork

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get assessed for ADHD, arrange office hours or tutoring, push less and encourage more. He is a growing hormonal teen with stress and you are a loving parent who is an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and life experience. You got this!

If he needs a tutor and he has no disabilities his classes are too hard for him. It’s ninth grade

[Anonymous]

The other reality is that high school now is way too much of a grind for many kids. I was a high achiever growing up, went to a good college, now am a reasonably successful lawyer, and I never had as much work--even in a heavy week--as these kids do in an average week. It's ridiculous.

Maybe instead of stressing out and making schedules for him at 5 am, you need to downshift and find a way to adapt school to your kid rather than the other way around. Because these days, even kids with perfect grades in demanding classes aren't getting into HYP, and the trade off in terms of physical and mental health is not worth it. IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get assessed for ADHD, arrange office hours or tutoring, push less and encourage more. He is a growing hormonal teen with stress and you are a loving parent who is an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and life experience. You got this!

If he needs a tutor and he has no disabilities his classes are too hard for him. It’s ninth grade

The classes really aren't too hard, although some of course are more challenging than others. It's the amount of work and his time poor management, which becomes stress that he is running out of time/unprepared etc. Then instead of going into focus/study mode he shuts down completely. When I am firm about start time he pushes back and when I leave it to him he stalls. But the work isn't hard, its strange really. The anxiety/procrastination is what resonates the most. And that he is overwhelmed which seems like it can link to the anxiety. He may be in over his head but really it's not too hard but it may be too much, mostly in the deadlines, single tests worth a huge portion of his grade, etc and he just freezes.

[Anonymous]

Its anxiety. He looks at the pile of work (even if its hard) and starts to worry and it spirals in his brain and he shuts down (including his body). He needs help and techniques to break down the work, recognize when hes getting into a spiral and getting out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get assessed for ADHD, arrange office hours or tutoring, push less and encourage more. He is a growing hormonal teen with stress and you are a loving parent who is an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and life experience. You got this!

If he needs a tutor and he has no disabilities his classes are too hard for him. It’s ninth grade

The classes really aren't too hard, although some of course are more challenging than others. It's the amount of work and his time poor management, which becomes stress that he is running out of time/unprepared etc. Then instead of going into focus/study mode he shuts down completely. When I am firm about start time he pushes back and when I leave it to him he stalls. But the work isn't hard, its strange really. The anxiety/procrastination is what resonates the most. And that he is overwhelmed which seems like it can link to the anxiety. He may be in over his head but really it's not too hard but it may be too much, mostly in the deadlines, single tests worth a huge portion of his grade, etc and he just freezes.

He should be treated for anxiety. Take him to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Have him watch Cal Newport's youtube videos. Trust me, they are life changing. I think he would especially appeal to young men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its anxiety. He looks at the pile of work (even if its hard) and starts to worry and it spirals in his brain and he shuts down (including his body). He needs help and techniques to break down the work, recognize when hes getting into a spiral and getting out of it.

I believe you are right. I have a rec for a therapist to email today and hopefully it will help. I am not doing a great job of helping him on my own and neither is my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him watch Cal Newport's youtube videos. Trust me, they are life changing. I think he would especially appeal to young men.

Thank you. I will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop forcing him to take harder classes. He's obviously overwhelmed/burned out and now you're piling on to his mental health.

Ironically I think the opposite is part of the problem. His grades were not quite high enough to level into the classes he wants for next year and I think that reality (while not the worse lesson ever) is taking a big toll on him. He's a smart kid. His friends are smart kids and now he is relegated to the regular kid classes. He hasn't told me as much but I worry that the finality of that is what is causing this meltdown of sorts.

this happened to my kids with her extracurricular. got a little lazy, then didn't place at the highest level, and after that down spiraled (this took two years of constant prodding, extra coaching etc) to the point where she is about to abandon it completely.

I'm sorry to hear that, especially since it sounds like it was something she used to love. This is something that worries me too even though its classes not sports. He would have more work and more pressure with higher level classes which could certainly backfire. But what's also bad is that his identity as a smart kid is no longer there (or so hee feels) and he is being forced to a level he feels is beneath him and certainly beneath his goals. HE now has to accept that his grades and classes aren't everything and that he has to set his sights lower and I am not sure he can do that. I do not think this all of the issue by any means but I do suspect is a big piece of it right now. That or feeling upset with himself for not working harder and now being stuck.

As a parent, you can help him understand that his identity is not tied to his grades. He should learn to find out what he enjoys, what makes him special, and what he will contribute to the world just by being himself. I don't know where he's gotten the idea that "lower-level" classes are somehow "beneath" him, but you can correct this and teach him how to stop judging himself and others.

Beneath may not have been the best choice of words but he has always been in accelerated classes and that's where he sees himself. He is in a new school this year with new peers which has likely not been helpful either. Lots of new opportunities but lots of new stresses also. But yes I do agree that I have to figure out how to help him more.

Maybe before he was a big fish in a small pond, but now he's in a big pond and there are a lot more kids in the mix so he's not the academic stand-out like he was before?

Yes. 100%. It has been a very big change.

Take this as the blessing that it is. Right now he is freezing because he's in a doom loop of thinking that now matter how hard he works, he won't be the straight A kid because there are people in the class that can do it faster and better than him. He needs to step out of that and focus on himself, not others, and focus on how he can control the situation. What can he do to make things better? What adjustments can he make? If he knows that you will love him no matter what, he can hopefully see that this new challenge is also an opportunity to improve himself.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he doesn't have allergies? Spring pollen is horrible right now. Take him to an allergist. My pediatrician missed my asthma and allergies - brushed it off as school stress because I went to a big three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he doesn't have allergies? Spring pollen is horrible right now. Take him to an allergist. My pediatrician missed my asthma and allergies - brushed it off as school stress because I went to a big three.

I'm not sure actually. He saw the doc last week who suggested taking allergy meds every day for a few weeks so we are doing that now. Just a few days in though.

[Anonymous]

And guess what? ... when you have an easier schedule ... there is time to breathe, and staying organized isn't as difficult.

Not everything is a learning disability. The answer is almost always: a college prep schedule but not this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other reality is that high school now is way too much of a grind for many kids. I was a high achiever growing up, went to a good college, now am a reasonably successful lawyer, and I never had as much work--even in a heavy week--as these kids do in an average week. It's ridiculous.

Maybe instead of stressing out and making schedules for him at 5 am, you need to downshift and find a way to adapt school to your kid rather than the other way around. Because these days, even kids with perfect grades in demanding classes aren't getting into HYP, and the trade off in terms of physical and mental health is not worth it. IMHO.

Do you have HS kids yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get assessed for ADHD, arrange office hours or tutoring, push less and encourage more. He is a growing hormonal teen with stress and you are a loving parent who is an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and life experience. You got this!

If he needs a tutor and he has no disabilities his classes are too hard for him. It’s ninth grade

The classes really aren't too hard, although some of course are more challenging than others. It's the amount of work and his time poor management, which becomes stress that he is running out of time/unprepared etc. Then instead of going into focus/study mode he shuts down completely. When I am firm about start time he pushes back and when I leave it to him he stalls. But the work isn't hard, its strange really. The anxiety/procrastination is what resonates the most. And that he is overwhelmed which seems like it can link to the anxiety. He may be in over his head but really it's not too hard but it may be too much, mostly in the deadlines, single tests worth a huge portion of his grade, etc and he just freezes.

He should be treated for anxiety. Take him to a therapist.

His anxiety would be a normal reaction to an overwhelming amount of work that he can’t handle right now. Fix the problem and his anxiety will probably go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get assessed for ADHD, arrange office hours or tutoring, push less and encourage more. He is a growing hormonal teen with stress and you are a loving parent who is an adult with a fully developed frontal cortex and life experience. You got this!

If he needs a tutor and he has no disabilities his classes are too hard for him. It’s ninth grade

The classes really aren't too hard, although some of course are more challenging than others. It's the amount of work and his time poor management, which becomes stress that he is running out of time/unprepared etc. Then instead of going into focus/study mode he shuts down completely. When I am firm about start time he pushes back and when I leave it to him he stalls. But the work isn't hard, its strange really. The anxiety/procrastination is what resonates the most. And that he is overwhelmed which seems like it can link to the anxiety. He may be in over his head but really it's not too hard but it may be too much, mostly in the deadlines, single tests worth a huge portion of his grade, etc and he just freezes.

He should be treated for anxiety. Take him to a therapist.

His anxiety would be a normal reaction to an overwhelming amount of work that he can’t handle right now. Fix the problem and his anxiety will probably go away.

The only way to fix the workload problem is to switch schools. Doing this may not lessen workload but it could lessen the high stress on single tests and tight deadlines...or not. Its hard to know. It could potentially allow him more class choice though.