Is he in pain or just tired and run down? When he complains, do you ask him what he wants you to do? For example, make an appointment with the doctor. Does he still go to work? Does he complain there too? |
I am not the OP. Thank you to the poster who wrote this. |
Tell him this. People with chronic illness aren’t the only people on the struggle bus. |
Caregiver support group for you. Look at whatever organization that deals with his condition offers, ie. MS groups.
He needs a LCSW/counselor to talk to that will help him deal with chronic illness and uncertainties. |
You have to grieve what you have lost, ideally to some extent together.
This errand-running thing is avoidance. Your life has changed, maybe permanently. So has his. It’s a big deal. |
While that is a very difficult place to dwell, it’s quite different. Apples to snow peas. |
OP, my husband has MS and I completely understand. Get yourself into therapy and as part of that, make sure that you take care of yourself very well every day.
Encourage your husband to get into therapy as well, and to consider an antidepressant if he is diagnosed with depression (highly likely). I am so sorry. |
How about plan a short little day excursion to have a lunch picnic in the sun, at the park by a lake, show him how to live again how it feels for the sun to shine on him maybe that would spark something.
Be grateful that you are not the sick one OP. |
TOTALLY NOT THE SAME AS CHRONIC ILLNESS but thanks for playing. |
We don't always get what we want. In sickness and in health and all that. If you don't like it, think how he feels... |
Wait ten or so years and the OP may well acquire problems of her own. I've sat at dinners with friends in our 50s where I'm the only one not being treated for cancer. Yet. |
People are being unfair to OP. Caregiving can be incredibly difficult. I’d start with individual therapy and a support group, OP (they will get it, unlike the posters here). |
I am in your shoes, OP.
I travel solo, go out solo for dinner, movies, opera, theater. I have stopped feeling guilty. His disease has ruined his life. I refuse to let it ruin mine. I help him whenever he asks me to. He used to be incredibly depressed, understandably. He is now taking antidepressants and things have improved. Still not ideal. Still no sex but some cuddles. Some days are better than others. |
Glad you posted that. I have a son who has had complex medical conditions the last couple of years and some of this is going to be life long. We're always hearing about these people who cope with chronic illness and disability amazingly, or maybe movies where they're wallowing in their anger and depression until some fellow sufferer confronts them in the hospital ward and they have a come to jesus moment. (There's support groups for his illness, but they are all mostly ladies of retirement age). |
Therapy for him, therapy for you, and couples therapy |