4th grade boys--are they all jerks?

[Anonymous]

You people who are insecure around 9 year olds are a hoot. How do you survive the trip to the mailbox every day?

[Anonymous]

I have a 4th grade boy and I think that is old enough to know not to be a jerk, especially to adults you don't know. I would not be happy with my son if I found out he said something like that. We are very big on showing respect to others around us, especially at school/church/sports where adults are taking the time to work with them. My son is a jerk sometimes to his brother and parents, because of the whole secure attachment thing. He knows we will love him regardless. Of course we still correct him and give consequences as appropriate.

I think we are giving kids too much of a free pass these days. Fourth graders are young, but not little kids like a kindergartner. They know when they are being jerks. This whole "give them grace" thing is not working so well for us. Teachers want to quit because kids are so out of control. Parents need to talk to their kids about expectations for their behavior out in the world. Kids need to know what is acceptable and not acceptable. This should be done proactively, not waiting until you find out your kid has been rude or unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I commented above, but as a mom of a 4th grade boy with many 4th grade girl neighbors I want to add something.

Just as many 4th grade girls make the same judgmental or gossipy comments, they are just sneakier about it. If a 4th grade girl made the same comment and you heard it, that’s because she Wanted you to hear it.

The socially adept girls are sneakier about it (not as many social rewards for girls to be loud with their mean comments as for boys). The socially inadept ones aren't.

Inadept wut?

Inept. My ability to use English seems to be getting worse every day.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 4th grade boy's class often and more than half are jerks. I think the rest are just sneakier about it as in not saying rude/inappropriate things loudly in front of me. I do correct them. They are trying out social boundaries but they're also old enough to learn what you can think but keep to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4th grade boys (and 5th… and forever???) are rambunctious, under exercised, hilarious, smart mouth balls of energy and boundary-pushing. Sometimes that makes them jerks, yes (especially in groups), but mostly they just deserve an eye roll and a hair scrub.

- mom of girls who spends a lot of time at school

+1

OP by contradicting the boy, you equaled his combative energy and you proved his point. You *were* scary. You need to learn how to neutralize instead. This is what good parents, teachers, etc. do on the regular.

[Anonymous]

I think your "follow-up questions" were less innocuous than you think. The 4th grader shouldn't have said that but he was probably right. Maybe he and/or the other kids didn't feel like you were relating to them well. Despite how "polite" you were.... that's not a quality kids highly value. I think you lack self-awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I commented above, but as a mom of a 4th grade boy with many 4th grade girl neighbors I want to add something.

Just as many 4th grade girls make the same judgmental or gossipy comments, they are just sneakier about it. If a 4th grade girl made the same comment and you heard it, that’s because she Wanted you to hear it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I get it, protective mom instincts kicked in and I probably would have wanted to shut the kid down too, but I would then been honest with myself- yep, I showed that 4th grader whose boss by telling him he’s wrong!… pause… reflect… Boy I really shouldn’t have let a 4th grader get to me as I am the adult. Maybe I shouldn’t volunteer for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How dare you call young kids idiots you 🐷

DP, but some kids are truly utter morons. oink oink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just came back from a presentation at my child's school. It involved kids doing mini presentations on group projects. Little stations for each group set up around the room. When I got to my child's group and listened attentively to their different dialogues, and then asked a few polite questions in follow up, one of the boys --whom I've never even met--leaned over to another boy in the group and said, "Johnny's mom is even scarier than Johnny is!". It was loud. I heard it. He repeated it to the boy. So, I addressed by saying, "well, Johnny isn't scary and neither am I--what a silly thing to say.".

But, I was still put off by the whole comment. Are they all just idiots running their mouth at any chance? This kid never even met me! Johnny is small for his age/grade and has a heart of gold--that's not rose colored glasses, he can be an idiot from time to time, but, otherwise is genuinely kind and sweet- saying he wants to be "a helper" when he grows up and help homeless people-- and I am a petite unthreatening lady myself.

I guess my rub is that I would have never dreamed of saying something rude about another child's parent in a not discreet volume and in proximity to said parent when I was a child. Obviously there is no follow up, and this is mostly a rant, but, gosh!

you think that was an appropriate way of addressing it and that it showed him you weren't scary? Hahahaha. Good one.
I love the way everyone thinks their kids are genuinely kind and sweet, blahblahblah.

You need some self-awareness and probably perspective on your own kid.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s the 7th grade boys who are all jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it’s the 7th grade boys who are all jerks.

And I thought ds and his friends were far worse in 4th grade. Now in 7th grade and they are loud know it alls, but they're polite to the parents and easier to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4th grade boy and I think that is old enough to know not to be a jerk, especially to adults you don't know. I would not be happy with my son if I found out he said something like that. We are very big on showing respect to others around us, especially at school/church/sports where adults are taking the time to work with them. My son is a jerk sometimes to his brother and parents, because of the whole secure attachment thing. He knows we will love him regardless. Of course we still correct him and give consequences as appropriate.

I think we are giving kids too much of a free pass these days. Fourth graders are young, but not little kids like a kindergartner. They know when they are being jerks. This whole "give them grace" thing is not working so well for us. Teachers want to quit because kids are so out of control. Parents need to talk to their kids about expectations for their behavior out in the world. Kids need to know what is acceptable and not acceptable. This should be done proactively, not waiting until you find out your kid has been rude or unkind.

I’m the giving them grace PP you alluded to. Wasn’t excusing rude behavior. Just pointing out a lighter approach would work better. I’ve worked at a school and seen one too many teachers scolding the kids. Doesn’t seem like they like the students and it seems dehumanizing. There must be a better way.

Like those scolding teachers, or my scary neighbor, OP seems to have a way about her which she may have passed to her DS, and these boys may be reacting to it in an unfiltered way. All speculative.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great OP said something. The kid is old enough to know better - he said that because he thought he could, without consequences. The adult noticing and saying something was the appropriate consequence.

And yes, I think 4th - 8th is when kids (but boys more than girls, and its no coincidence this is when girls stop speaking in class) try out being obnoxious. They think they're funny, and they care more about peer reactions than anything else. Some are better or worse than others.