Friend has been ignoring my texts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are high maintenance if you think that you should be a priority over her grief. Don't reach out anymore. People don't need the overhead of friendships like yours. Just let it go.

I get that but it’s been about a month and no word from her. Her best friend (went to school with her too so we’re friends on social media) had a baby shower last week and I saw her in the pictures, so it’s not like she’s in her room upset.

She is not responding because she is having a hard time and doesn't want a discussion. My guess from your responses here, is that you turn even short comments into a conversation. You are clearly self-centered and only consider how things affect you and are rather oblivious to how things affect others. She's not ready to deal with you during her grief. She went to the baby shower because at an event like that, the guest of honor is the center of attention and she doesn't have to talk or respond to anything about herself. It's a way to get out, but not open up. So, she is getting out and going through the motions of life. But she's not ready to open up. The shower is a perfect way to do that.

Most likely texting with you is not a way for her to close up and not have to open up. You need to leave her alone for longer. When my father died, I was not up to anything where anyone would ask me about myself. I was able to just focus on taking care of my spouse and kids and go to work, all things where I did not have to talk about myself or how I was feeling. I didn't reach out or respond to anyone who might ask more of me. Sounds like your friend is doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Find a hobby or volunteer activity OP and stop perseverating about your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby or volunteer activity OP and stop perseverating about your friend.

A volunteer activity is a good idea for OP, who needs to get outside her own head and her own needs. I mean that seriously, without any snark. Volunteering could give her a bigger perspective on others' issues, which she seems to need.

[Anonymous]

Relying on text after a friend has had a loss is lame. Why couldn't you pick up the phone e and reach out to her voice to voice, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe folks would cut off a friend after less than a month of silence. Play the long game here. There are situations where years of silence, or very intermittent communication, are really communicating a need for MORE support, not less.

This is when you send a message to her - maybe a card? - telling her you love her, are sorry for her loss, and look forward to hearing from her *when she is up to it.*

Or send her a text that says, no need to reply, just sending love.

Be there. Friendship isn't about what you get from somebody else. It is about what you GIVE to somebody else.

Stop expecting to be the sun she orbits around. You aren't. Be the friend who is a planet in the same solar system, being there for the time that your orbits align.

The last paragraph of your response is genius PP.

OP in all fairness, your friend may be experiencing deep grief right now & needs to be respected.

This is a VERY difficult period for her 💔💔 - plz try to be more empathetic here.

She may not believe in the Bible and seriously…..the eclipse is not even remotely important to her at this place + time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone from my past randomly texted me a bible verse and then more than one message about if I was ready for the eclipse, I would likely also not respond

Yeah a few people texted me about the eclipse. I felt obligated to like their photo.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who did the same. She. “ was going through a hard time.” but never communicated that with me rather she ghosted me and a couple other friends. After reaching out and trying to communicate, then give her space then communicate again I decided that was not a friendship with keeping. Friendship works both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who did the same. She. “ was going through a hard time.” but never communicated that with me rather she ghosted me and a couple other friends. After reaching out and trying to communicate, then give her space then communicate again I decided that was not a friendship with keeping. Friendship works both ways.

I don’t know how you reached out and communicated to your friend but OP sent stupid eclipse texts. Not, “are you okay?”, “let me know if you need anything”, etc. Eclipse. In the midst of grief only days later, does anyone want to talk about a stupid eclipse.

Extend grace to people. Like everyone else is saying, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest. You're interested in her romantically. Otherwise it wouldn't be such a big deal.

DP. What on earth makes you say that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who did the same. She. “ was going through a hard time.” but never communicated that with me rather she ghosted me and a couple other friends. After reaching out and trying to communicate, then give her space then communicate again I decided that was not a friendship with keeping. Friendship works both ways.

I don’t know how you reached out and communicated to your friend but OP sent stupid eclipse texts. Not, “are you okay?”, “let me know if you need anything”, etc. Eclipse. In the midst of grief only days later, does anyone want to talk about a stupid eclipse.

Extend grace to people. Like everyone else is saying, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Yes. Ghosted as in broke plans? How did PP find out about the hard time? It sounds like that was communicated. It must have been either a pretty hard time (death in the family?) or you they werent very close.

It seems so callous. Knowing a friend is suffering and then taking silence personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who did the same. She. “ was going through a hard time.” but never communicated that with me rather she ghosted me and a couple other friends. After reaching out and trying to communicate, then give her space then communicate again I decided that was not a friendship with keeping. Friendship works both ways.

I don’t know how you reached out and communicated to your friend but OP sent stupid eclipse texts. Not, “are you okay?”, “let me know if you need anything”, etc. Eclipse. In the midst of grief only days later, does anyone want to talk about a stupid eclipse.

Extend grace to people. Like everyone else is saying, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Well, the world does not revolve around them either. I don’t know about OP, but you’re replying to me and my case it was about a year is worth of “extending grace”. Everybody’s situation is different but there’s only so much you can pour into a relationship without getting anything back before you can cut your losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relying on text after a friend has had a loss is lame. Why couldn't you pick up the phone e and reach out to her voice to voice, OP?

Because in 2024 making a phone call to someone who is not replying to texts is impolite.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She's probably annoyed about the bible verse and silly eclipse messages when she's grieving![/quote]

Yes! She didn't have the mental energy to engage in discourse around dumb topics. Hopefully you also asked how she was? Went to the funeral? Sent her flowers?[/quote]

Who does that? I'd be too annoyed to respond.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't reply to any of those annoying texts either. You sound very needy.