Teen with 99th Percentile Verbal IQ W/ Attention Issues

[Anonymous]

My teen has been evaluated for ADHD over the past two months. I haven't had the final meeting with the psychologist to be told the results and game plan, but the psychologist made the mistake of telling my son that he scored in the 99th percentile on the verbal IQ test but had significant issues in his brain staying on task and paying attention.

I can't meet with the doctor until the end of the month but I may end up choking my teen if I have to hear one more time about how he is a genius who just cannot focus. I know I'm just frustrated with what I am perceiving to be an obviously intelligent person who comes off as lazy & irresponsible, but now he's just turned cocky and even MORE resistant to taking responsibility for himself because he feels he's gifted and does not have to focus.

I don't even have a diagnosis yet! and this kid is throwing in my face how he "CANT" because of his brain. Moms, PLEASE send me some advice on how to stay calm and not lose it with him before I even know what the issue is. And how do I encourage him to FOCUS harder and DO what he needs to do. I'm so frustrated and just burnt out. I'm trying to help him, yet he's using this as an excuse and thinks it's funny. It is not funny.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you that the psychologist screwed up. Your DS got the message that he's brilliant and that he can't be expected to do anything about it. Its really an ugly combo. This is why the new advice is to congratulate children on their effort, not their smarts.

Which is why your first call should be to the psychologist responsible for this. (When you say "the doctor" I assume that is a different clinician, who will be prescribing meds?) Even if you don't have an appointment, call. presumably he has some theory for why he told your teen this info, so he should help you play clean up.

Now it could be that he really can't focus now but will if his ADHD is treated. So perhaps you should wait until that happens before assuming he can just work harder at it. This will also give you some time to cool off -- because you are clearly worked up about this, as I would be -- and perhaps talk to some experts about this. I'm thinking about Dr. Shapiro's workshops for parents of kids with challenging behaviors, which teaches behavior management tools. Because I think once his ADHD is treated you should approach this with a structured set of goals and rewards.

[Anonymous]

Have you told him it's great that he's smart, but that intelligence alone doesn't get anyone anywhere? I know a kid who is apparently a genius, but he can't manage his life at all. He decided that his verbal talent was all he needed to succeed in life and doing homework in any other classes was beneath him. His parents encouraged this line of thought and actually did his homework for him. In college. He was put on probation at his Ivy League university and was forced to take a year off. He did absolutely nothing during that year, which was fine with his parents because he's just so special and can't be expected to hold a job like a regular person. He is now in his late 20s and has been doing nothing since college, other than less than one semester in a graduate program he dropped out of. No job, no ambition, just living off his parents. But he's really really smart.

[Anonymous]

Well what I would is to not let Mr. Genius see just how much he getting under your skin. You can ride it out for two more weeks. I would be honest and say that the psychologist has his viewpoint, which you do not agree with. You are going to see someone who specialized in helping brilliant as well as struggling students with learning issues deal with how they can learn in a more productive way. Point out to him that the teens that he knows whoa really doing well in school do put in the hours of study that are needed. He will be better able to stay on task in your estimation gets the medication to help him do so, BUT it is also going to be about changing his behavior of how he acts and how he does his work. This you can tell him you can start to do together NOW.

- Take away any distracting "toys" in his room of where he would be studying including cell phone, tv, ipod, ipad, or iphone, video games etc. - you get the idea that he is in a quiet room. If needs to use a computer it should be out in an open space and not just in his room where he can surf whatever and for how long.

- Ask him to sit down with you to go over what his assignment for the day/week is and help him set a priority on what needs to be done.

- Get his input of just how long he thinks he can work without a break and follow it. And offer incentives that if he does well for so long, he can listen to music or play video games unfettered. But then back to work.

- Give him tasks at home which will help to build a semblance of order in his life through responsibility. This might include: general order of his room, doing dishes on certain nights, doing yard work on weekends, having his backpack and materials set for school at night. It is important to make him see he is not "the center of it all" and to help him recognize he needs to do certain tasks to get certain rewards.

- Look at what he is eating at least at home to see if you can remove anything which might be contributing the ADHD. Also, set and expect him to meet a sensible bed time again to try to see that he is rested.

He is going to test you on any and all of these points. If it is really, really bad - then I would go so far as to request a telephone pre-consult with the doctor before the scheduled appointment to fill him/her on the background of what was shared and what your teenager has decided "to hear and to run with." Even if you must pay for his time the idea is that you are providing a framework for him to approach any recommendations in.

[Anonymous]

Humor/hubris is also a way to deal with fear and worry about his own ability to function and succeed.

- signed, 99th percentile with ADD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Humor/hubris is also a way to deal with fear and worry about his own ability to function and succeed.

- signed, 99th percentile with ADD

True but that doesn't make OP's son any less insufferable.

- signed, friend of several 99th percentile with ADHD who met all of them at a top 10 law school (some very successful and some not depending on how well the ADHD is managed)

[Anonymous]

My daughter who fits the same profile came up with the following three important things about having ADHD when she was a young teen being asked for advice by other teens and parents of teens. I've also put them on a national list serve that might be very helpful for you ((GT-SPECIAL--sign up information is here: http://gtworld.org/) and other parents have found them helpful:
1) It may seem like a problem now but it will turn out to be an advantage.
2) Its not your fault but it is your responsibility. (This is the part I would emphasize to your son--that he can't use his focusing problems as an excuse--if he wants to reach his goals in life he is going to have to find ways to overcome the challenges that his ADHD creates.)
3) Its your parents job to get you the help you need and its your job to take advantage of it.

I would also try telling him that every one has strengths and weaknesses, and both his strengths and weakness are stronger than other people's; also, what matters is not how smart he is but what he does with it and that once you have an IQ of 120 or more, IQ doesn't make much difference--its other characteristics that seem to affect what you accomplish in life. (There is research that shows this although admittedly it primarily looks at earnings.)

And you might point out that boasting about his IQ, which after all is not something he achieved--just something he was given as other kids are given exceptional speed or agility--is going to damage his friendships.

Good luck! (FWIW, he CAN overcome the ADHD issues--my daughter is now at Harvard, where she still gets extended time, and she is just one of many kids getting accommodations there. So make it clear that he can't use them as an excuse!)

[Anonymous]

What is the significance of this 99th percentile on verbal IQ test if everyone seems to score that way? I don't understand why it's even a relevant factor with ADHD if it makes these children feel superior and not in need of working on their weakness.

[Anonymous]

10:22, not the OP but thank you so much for your post. Our 12 year old son fits this profile. He works hard and wants to do well (and often does), but some things are much harder for him, despite his core abilities. I will read more of your daughter 's good advice and have him do do as well. Thanks to you both.

[Anonymous]

** Do so, not do do!!

[Anonymous]

The IQ test is given to help identify ADHD because when you look at the subscores for the test, big variations in ability can be clues to whether the child has various LDs (not just ADHD but also dysgraphia, NVLD, stuff like that. ) Also because kids who are both gifted and learning disabled tend to look average--that is, they use their gifts to compensate for the LD and the LD therefore isn't detected but also they don't look as smart as they really are. So an IQ test (while they have LOTS of limitations and problems, are not very reliable for minorities, low income kids, and ESOL kids, all kinds of problems) can be helpful in persuading a school that a kid really is smart and needs more challenging work--which is one way of helping a kid with ADHD pay attention better.

And no, they don't all get 99+., only 1 in 100 does.

[Anonymous]

Also, some more tips on helping him focus:
Taking away distractions is great, (for years my daughter did her homework on the kitchen floor, which was great until I had to cook) but he will probably do better in a room with you where you can reorient him to his work when he gets distracted. Also, all kids with ADHD do better with frequent breaks. Try setting a timer for 20 minutes, then set it to give him a 5 or 10 m inute break, then make him go back to work. BUt DON"T let him use the break to play with something like a computer that he will have a hard time disengaging from

I have found that its more important to make sure that my daughter eats lots of protein than to avoid other foods. She focuses much better with a high protein breakfast, lunch and snacks.

[Anonymous]

My ADD DD is much younger but the combination of super smart and ADD is not an enviable one. I've had to learn that its very hard on her in ways that I don't always initially understand. For example, telling her that she is very smart and just needs to focus doesn't work because she can't focus. She knows that she is smart and she knows that she understands the concept. She can't understand why she can't finish the test or assignment like her friends do and this saddens and hurts her. Kids can come up with coping and defense mechanisms such as deciding that school work doesn't matter, just believing that they aren't smart and everyone around is crazy to say there are smart, giving up, and depression. You really need to respect that they can't focus through command or even their own will power but give them strategies to overcome it. This can include medication, approaching schoolwork differently, breaking work up, and doing extra work to make sure that they can absorb the information.

My DD is ADD in most things but there are a few areas where she hyper focuses to the opposite extreme and naturally excels. If you son has a hyper focus area then you can find ways to really support him in pursuing this as its a good confidence builder.

[Anonymous]

Make an appt with that psychologist and tell him the situation and have him explain what this means. And how he will need to work hard to do well in life, like most people. If you say your son thinks it's funny, try to have a sense of humor about it with him. I try to tell my tween that since he is bright and likes to pursue his interests, he will have more and better opportunities if he works hard now. I think you need to look at your son's challenges. Is it only ADHD? What about his performance IQ? Is there a large spread between verbal and performance IQ? That can signal other problems that can be overwhelming (NLD) and can lead to a lot of discouragement. I think your son is trying to protect himself and enjoy a little high self-esteem--whatever the issue, these kids' self-esteem takes a beating. A school day can be difficult, discouraging, and exhasuting. LIke the PP said, maybe take a couple weeks off. Let him slide on his homework even--maybe he'll see that it doesn't feel so good to be bright and getting poor grades. Then get the psychologist to explain the errors in your son's thinking.

[Anonymous]

I happen to be one of those' "gifted," 20 year olds/ and find myself correct in how most of us act. I know myself to be an albatross. I have many disorders. because of this I became burnt out at 12. I just recently found out how high I rank here. it's disheartening that people like me become lazy after they receive the news. this was the sweet relief I thirsted for over a 20 year span. egoists aren't seekers of knolege. they cower behind a test result as if ability without action is enough to make something of themselves , working in THE BIG SCARRY WORLD!