CANNOT deal with my 6 year old anymore! What is wrong?!

[Anonymous]

Ds is 6, he has always been a kind of "trying" child, but lately he has become unbearable. I don't know if he maybe has ADHD or something else but he is making our entire household miserable.
He is a sweet boy but something is wrong and I don't know where to start to get some help. At school he is an angel-but he loves rules and structure.
At home he wakes up at 6am and immediately (before he even gets out of bed) screeches, seems to think its funny and seems agitated even. He is hyper, loud, and basically gets yelled at all day long-we feel like we are failing as his parents.
Our whole house and life revolves around trying to make him behave, our 2 year old behaves better and is getting ignored since our 6 year old requires so much time and attention
We went on vacation last week and even considered leaving early because he made our trip so miserable.
Someone please help! Do I start with a psychologist?
Should I repost this in special needs forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds is 6, he has always been a kind of "trying" child, but lately he has become unbearable. I don't know if he maybe has ADHD or something else but he is making our entire household miserable.
He is a sweet boy but something is wrong and I don't know where to start to get some help. At school he is an angel-but he loves rules and structure.
At home he wakes up at 6am and immediately (before he even gets out of bed) screeches, seems to think its funny and seems agitated even. He is hyper, loud, and basically gets yelled at all day long-we feel like we are failing as his parents.
Our whole house and life revolves around trying to make him behave, our 2 year old behaves better and is getting ignored since our 6 year old requires so much time and attention
We went on vacation last week and even considered leaving early because he made our trip so miserable.
Someone please help! Do I start with a psychologist?
Should I repost this in special needs forum?

We found Neal Horen at Georgetown helpful for a similar kid. He works with the methood from The Explosive Child.

If they see similar behavior at school this year I'd look into the ADHD study at NIH.

Does he have friends? Are they same age or younger?

Some kids really struggle with the lack of structure in summer. See if you can dial back the corrections just to safety issues. I'd assume that there is something going on and that he can't help the other stuff. The Difficult Child book was really helpful to me in sorting out what and how to correct and what to see as temperment. I like things to be peaceful and cooperative and I really had to change my expectations until we could work with Dr. Horen. If you are always mad that is scary to him too and may make him more anxious and reactive. The ped suggested that I treat him as a much younger child and that helped. 1-2-3 Magic is good too, he is not doing this to upset you, just correct for safety, not screeching, and try to move on.

Can so hear you on the vacation, have been there. But if you accept that for now this is how he is, how can you still have a pleasant functional family? Instead of trying to change his behavior so you can have that, how can you have it if he has ADHD or Tourette's or something? My kiddo has some tics so that is also being explored. Try to find something that each of you can do alone with the 6 year old to get some good quality time, even if it's going outside for walks or whatever. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

What is requiring the time and attention? Is it back and forth about things like being loud? You ask and then he is still loud and it escalates and spirals? Does he do physical stuff or is it mostly noisy and silly behavior?

[Anonymous]

Is the 2 year old a girl?

Do you or DH have ADHD or other neuro issues in your family?

[Anonymous]

Op here;
School says he is great but very literal and rigid
He does have friends his age but he is also rigid with them
Our 3 fights before 7am today were over Legos-his brother wanted to play with him, pancakes were too thick-total meltdown, running and screeching in the house
It's mostly noisy, silly behavior, notching dangerous
The 2 year old is a boy and yes, we have a family history of ADHD (dh side and mine) and my brother has aspergers too

[Anonymous]

Less focus on changing the behavior, more focus onchanging your reaction to his behavior. Learn positive discipline also read 123 magic to get you through.
ADHD and aspergers in the family and a rigid, wound up child...get an evaluation thru a private psychologist or Childrens to investigate so you can move forward in the most productive way.

[Anonymous]

NP here. My 7 yo DD has pretty severe ADHD -- good at school and in structured situations, but at home and in more casual environments, very hyper, distracted, and generally out of control. This is without meds. We found when she hit 6 that her ADHD symptoms ramped up to the point that we needed to take action for the good of our family and her self-esteem. The meds have helped A LOT. Unfortunately, they wear off in the evening, and that couple of hours can be rough. But the rest of the day is much better and we had a great vacation this year. She was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist, dev ped, and a psychiatrist.

The decision to medicate is a tough one. What made it easier for us was that she told us that she hated herself because she coudn't behave (at home).

[Anonymous]

For your sanity, yes - have him evaluated for everything from dye sensitivity to ADHD. Your pediatrician should be able to help direct you. Your family life is suffering badly and you are reaching out for help. That's a sure sign. Good luck and I'm confident you'll find ways to manage this so you can enjoy your boy!!

[Anonymous]

Thanks you pp's! I realized his week I was dreading being around him and didn't want it to be this way

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

My 6 yo DS is somewhat similar in that it seems we end up yelling at him a lot to get him to behave (which doesn't work). After concerns from his school, we have him working with a therapist 1x a week and he just recently got a full neuropsychological exam to test for things like ADHD. During his evaluation, I was talking with the Dr. (phD) doing the testing and brought up my frustrations in parenting DS. (I too feel like I'm failing.) She said that it is not our fault but that we need to learn to parent differently when dealing with difficult (or special needs) children. The parenting methods we know just aren't going to work all (or most) the time. And, that its part of the job of a therapist, dr, etc..to help teach us parents some new strategies for effectively manage our children.

Well, she said it better than that and was very sympathetic. And if its any consolation, nearly all the boys in DS's K class had some "issues" during the school year. So, I think it might be a rough age for boys - where we are expecting more from them but they aren't quite yet mature enough to deliver.

I would suggest talking with the school counselor or your pediatrician and maybe they would refer to a therapist or some testing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less focus on changing the behavior, more focus onchanging your reaction to his behavior. Learn positive discipline also read 123 magic to get you through.
ADHD and aspergers in the family and a rigid, wound up child...get an evaluation thru a private psychologist or Childrens to investigate so you can move forward in the most productive way.

8:00 here. I think that there may also be some anxiety at work, it is often comorbid with things like AS and ADHD (many AS kids have ADHD as well). I'd post in the SN forum for names of good psychologists, if you go to a teaching hospital KKI is better than CNMC for this kind of thing. It takes a while to sort it all out and ultimately medication for anxiety or attention coud be really helpful.

Again, we've found Dr. Horen at Georgetown super helpful, I think he takes on new patients at this time of year. He works with lots of these inflexible kids and can then give his insights to a psychiatrist/dev ped.

The Difficult Child has a lot of good info on anxiety and attention issues. The log that they recommend you keep was very helpful to evaluators and to us. It really helps you have a different framework, it separates out temperment from behavior. Using TDC we started acknowledging and empathizing with things like sensory issues, which are temperment. Didn't make them go away but did deescalate the tension and stopped the constant spiraling. Also helped repair the relationships a bit. It was by far the most helpful book, it really helps you have a different way of seeing the interactions and understanding your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd post in the SN forum for names of good psychologists

Meant to say psychiatrists, sorry. There is a mom who posts on the SN forum whose son sounds very similar, he was diagnosed with AS, the psychiatrist also did school visits. He has an IEP and is doing well. Her doctor sounded very good.

Best of luck! In TDC he terms some of these kids "mother killers" that always gave me a secret chuckle, my kid was at the top of the scale.

Hang in there...

[Anonymous]

I will check out this book and I'll call this doc today, Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Op again,myes he has sensory issues and a lot of anxiety/fretting too, and yes! A mother killer I cried when I found out I was pregnant again...I didn't think I could deal with 2