DH has not initiated sex in over a year

[Anonymous]

what do I do? he is SOOO not into me, obviously...

[Anonymous]

is there a medical problem, is he gone out of country, or overseas in the military? If you answered "no" to all those I would consider tracking his movements for cheating. Or do you already have a feeling he may be doing so?

[Anonymous]

I smell a troll

[Anonymous]

I dunno if this is a troll. Sounds familiar-ish. Could be low libido, could be something else. Best just to ask.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to my sexless hell, OP! Next comes the Excuse Parade. The ride ends at acceptance that you just don't do it for DH sexually and he doesn't care enough about you emotionally to even try.

Let's meet up in five years for a Sexless Reunion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what do I do? he is SOOO not into me, obviously...

How much weight have you gained? Or, how many times did you reject him before he finally gave up?

[Anonymous]

I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

As a man, I wish women would stop this "am I still hot or not" dialogue. My current flame wears glasses, does not go to a gym five times a week, and uses very little makeup, yet I think she is great and really do not care that other people I have dated would be considered technically better looking. Most men feel the same way that I do and the ones who don't are probably not men you want to meet.

[Anonymous]

Not a perfect husband, but as I have posted before, I could have the worst day of my career and if my wife wants it, she gets it. Just this forum is enough to scare me into having sex no matter how tired. And we have been together over 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

As a man, I wish women would stop this "am I still hot or not" dialogue. My current flame wears glasses, does not go to a gym five times a week, and uses very little makeup, yet I think she is great and really do not care that other people I have dated would be considered technically better looking. Most men feel the same way that I do and the ones who don't are probably not men you want to meet.

To the man who posted-It is nice to see a man's perspective on this. You said you were dating though. If you've been married 15+ years and the attraction is waning it is no longer a choice, you are tied to that person. If you're wife no longer looks the same and gained 25+ lbs she might not be the bodacious babe you once dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

As a man, I wish women would stop this "am I still hot or not" dialogue. My current flame wears glasses, does not go to a gym five times a week, and uses very little makeup, yet I think she is great and really do not care that other people I have dated would be considered technically better looking. Most men feel the same way that I do and the ones who don't are probably not men you want to meet.

On DCUM, if you don't mention the fact that you are still hot, someone will accuse you of having let yourself go or gaining weight. It's inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

As a man, I wish women would stop this "am I still hot or not" dialogue. My current flame wears glasses, does not go to a gym five times a week, and uses very little makeup, yet I think she is great and really do not care that other people I have dated would be considered technically better looking. Most men feel the same way that I do and the ones who don't are probably not men you want to meet.

To the man who posted-It is nice to see a man's perspective on this. You said you were dating though. If you've been married 15+ years and the attraction is waning it is no longer a choice, you are tied to that person. If you're wife no longer looks the same and gained 25+ lbs she might not be the bodacious babe you once dated.

Please, men age also - does any celebrity appear the same as they did 20 years ago? Men also gain weight. Somebody that you have banged for the 10,000 time is not going to look as good as the first or fifth time. That is where the mental part comes in. My wife and I, in our earlier days, did some insane things and today when I need some energy to get over the edge, I think of those events.

[Anonymous]

10:53 here. I'm not accusing OP rather talking from experience I had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

As a man, I wish women would stop this "am I still hot or not" dialogue. My current flame wears glasses, does not go to a gym five times a week, and uses very little makeup, yet I think she is great and really do not care that other people I have dated would be considered technically better looking. Most men feel the same way that I do and the ones who don't are probably not men you want to meet.

The only reason I posted about my looks is because whenever I post about my sexless marriage on DCUM people always tell me to lose weight, etc. They go straight to the physical. So I didn't want to come back to five posts telling me my husband is turned off because I've let myself go. I have not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the Sex Starved Wife by Michelle Weiner. It hasn't helped as we are separated and not close to working on that aspect of our marriage right now, but it helped me feel not so alone. Not all men want sex want their wives unfortunately, and the answer is not always that they are gay, having an affair, or have a physical problem. My husband is none of those things. I think there's a percentage of men with intimacy issues who find it easier to masterbate/look at porn than maintain an initimate relationship. Sex is boring after 15 years together unless you are close, still in love, still willing to be vulnerable with each other.

It's not rocket science and it actually makes a lot of sense. I had so much resentment and felt so not close with him that I didn't really want sex either. Somehow when a man goes through this he has to be gay. Um no, he just doesn't want sex with me right now. Thinks of me as a "great mom" but not much else (and I haven't let myself go physically AT ALL). The book addresses all of this. We are doing better and I hope this time next year we are living together and having sex again. We've made some progress in therapy.

And if he still doesn't want me after that, there are men out there who won't just see me as a "great mom" and who will want me. I'm still hot! I love my husband, but this is a really rough time and I'm not willing to settle for this for the rest of my life.

OP, get counseling, either for yourself or him, and read up on this. You are not the only one.

As a man, I wish women would stop this "am I still hot or not" dialogue. My current flame wears glasses, does not go to a gym five times a week, and uses very little makeup, yet I think she is great and really do not care that other people I have dated would be considered technically better looking. Most men feel the same way that I do and the ones who don't are probably not men you want to meet.

On DCUM, if you don't mention the fact that you are still hot, someone will accuse you of having let yourself go or gaining weight. It's inevitable.

Or wearing capris and Danskos!