My DH views parenting as optional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need more details. Why is your husband regularly having to “commit” to care for your child during his workday? Why is she not in daycare or with a nanny? Or is this referring to the occasional day when daycare is closed? My husband previously worked in a highly toxic workplace where staff were expected to bend over backwards to accommodate others’ schedules or face repercussions. Blocking his calendar to care for our child would not have been acceptable to his jerk of a manager. We need to know more about this situation.

Not PP, but nannies don’t do sick care for more time than it takes for you to get home from work. They also don’t have medical POA so your care provider doesn’t want to deal with them.

If this is too much for your career to handle occasionally, don’t have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t bail him out. He has to have his child interrupt his meeting, or he needs to cancel and disrupt his work plans. He needs to feel the pain from his own lack of planning.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need more details. Why is your husband regularly having to “commit” to care for your child during his workday? Why is she not in daycare or with a nanny? Or is this referring to the occasional day when daycare is closed? My husband previously worked in a highly toxic workplace where staff were expected to bend over backwards to accommodate others’ schedules or face repercussions. Blocking his calendar to care for our child would not have been acceptable to his jerk of a manager. We need to know more about this situation.

For what purpose?

NP. Oh forget about it, OP.

Sounds good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need more details. Why is your husband regularly having to “commit” to care for your child during his workday? Why is she not in daycare or with a nanny? Or is this referring to the occasional day when daycare is closed? My husband previously worked in a highly toxic workplace where staff were expected to bend over backwards to accommodate others’ schedules or face repercussions. Blocking his calendar to care for our child would not have been acceptable to his jerk of a manager. We need to know more about this situation.

Not PP, but nannies don’t do sick care for more time than it takes for you to get home from work. They also don’t have medical POA so your care provider doesn’t want to deal with them.

If this is too much for your career to handle occasionally, don’t have children.

That's advice for OP's DH.

OP, let him see you reading "All the Rage" by Darcy Lockman and Lyz Lenz's "This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life." Explain that his actions tell you how much he values you and how committed a parent he is, so you're figuring out how to deal with that.

My nest is empty and my inclination to spend time with my husband is pretty darned low, thanks to years of him not listening to my calm statements of fact about the division of labor in our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t bail him out. He has to have his child interrupt his meeting, or he needs to cancel and disrupt his work plans. He needs to feel the pain from his own lack of planning.

This.

The only way my husband really learned how to manage the kids was by me leaving for 5 days to go to a work conference. He didn't bail because he actually couldn't. His parenting completely leveled up.

I go away for a week about once a year for some work-related reason, and it always reinforces it.