Do I just let my kid quit and fail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's entering adolescence, OP. He is beginning to separate a bit from the mothership. He is figuring out who he is, independent of you, your tastes, your interests. What are his tastes, and his interests? Are you going to control him down to his last eye lash, or will you allow him to have a voice within his own family?

Your choice.

7th grade is when kids should be learning how to self-manage their workload at school. You shouldn't be speaking to their teachers directly anymore, except at open house. Let your child ask the teacher questions, and email the teacher themselves. Your job is to be encouraging behind the scenes.

Make this shift now, while the stakes are lower. This is how you create a teenager who is ready for college. Don't be one of those moms of a HS senior who is still talking to the teachers on your kid's behalf, checking their dashboard, and running your kid's show. Teach your kid how to run his own show. That starts by letting him have an opinion that isn't yours, OP.

Just for the record it's people like you that have shut down any help my autistic son could have gotten from high school. They cater to the highly autistic and down syndrome type kids and basically make them children forever but for the adhd and autistic children that mature at about half the rate of a normal child they act like everything is a coddle and it hurts the parents and these children. There is a middle ground where slightly special needs Children can be more coddled as teens and experience their more independent teenage type years as Young adults and it's not the end of the world for everyone. It's a spectrum. It shouldn't be a separation of independent teen or completely dependent special needs teen. There needs to be a middle ground in school

[Anonymous]

Of course not, but you need to figure out what is going on. Do you think he's using drugs .Being bullied? Molested?

[Anonymous]

This happened to our teen at the same time, he was vaping delta 8 starting in 8th grade which the vape stores near the schools sell to anyone. Also he reinvented himself and joined a more male macho sport instead of his decade long one that he was amazing at. Lol ugh. We did get him to stop vaping and delta 8 after 6 months of family therapy.

[Anonymous]

I would think that something is wrong. I would start with a visit to a pedi.atrician

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

I am very angry at him! It was the worst morning we have had maybe ever. This includes younger days when kids throw up or having toddler tantrums. He refused to go to school and almost made both his siblings late for school. I basically had to force him to go to school.

I remember I used to think having 2-3 young kids was hard. That was a cake walk compared to now. I remember hearing older parents say that the teen years were the most difficult. They weren’t kidding!

You need to not take it personally. He needs help and you won't be in a position to help him if you are angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course not, but you need to figure out what is going on. Do you think he's using drugs .Being bullied? Molested?

I really don’t think he is being molested and I highly doubt anything bad happened on spring break. Minus the complaining, we had a good time. He also complained during our winter break but the complaining was just significantly worse during spring break. He seemed mad at me for always planning these extravagant trips and declared he only wants to do domestic and short trips. I heard him and noted that not everyone enjoys travel. I have friends and friends whose husbands don’t enjoy traveling, especially to far places.

I do think something may be going on at school and socially. It may be normal middle school drama or something more serious. He briefly mentioned he wasn’t popular a week or two ago. I reminded him that he has gone to more parties than our entire family combined. He recently went to a bar mitzvah and had a great time. I also told him that the cool popular middle school kids aren’t necessarily the popular kids in high school. He went on a field trip last week and a friend sent me a picture of him and he looked like he was having a great time. He was invited to another birthday party yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

I am very angry at him! It was the worst morning we have had maybe ever. This includes younger days when kids throw up or having toddler tantrums. He refused to go to school and almost made both his siblings late for school. I basically had to force him to go to school.

I remember I used to think having 2-3 young kids was hard. That was a cake walk compared to now. I remember hearing older parents say that the teen years were the most difficult. They weren’t kidding!

My DS was acting like this when he was being bullied. Maybe you should ask the guidance counselor to talk to your DS, and they can find out if anything is going on.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to know what’s going on here. You are low on details and you seem very reactive, like everything the kid does is a personal insult to you.

It could just be puberty and being over scheduled (you mention 3 sports, 20 birthday parties, etc). Or there could be something actually wrong, but you need to step back and be objective and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

I am very angry at him! It was the worst morning we have had maybe ever. This includes younger days when kids throw up or having toddler tantrums. He refused to go to school and almost made both his siblings late for school. I basically had to force him to go to school.

I remember I used to think having 2-3 young kids was hard. That was a cake walk compared to now. I remember hearing older parents say that the teen years were the most difficult. They weren’t kidding!

My DS was acting like this when he was being bullied. Maybe you should ask the guidance counselor to talk to your DS, and they can find out if anything is going on.

I believe he has some final projects that he is behind on. He wanted to stay home to work on them. He said they weren’t doing anything in school. I told him missing school was non negotiable and that he could work on his assignments after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He doesn’t want to go or do any of the sports he played his entire life. This boy has played soccer since preschool and claims he hates it. He has played golf and tennis since kindergarten and is so talented and it is like pulling teeth trying to get him to go to his expensive lessons. I have to force him to go to tennis matches and tournaments. He constantly says he is tired.[/b]

We went on a few big trips in the past year and during spring break, he complained the entire time and declared he will not be going on any large international trips. He does not want to go on our three week summer vacation.

He probably is tired -- he's playing soccer, golf, and tennis? That's a lot. And I saw this as a parent who had a son crazy about sports and tried everything. But not all at the same time.

And for the trips, that also seems like a lot too. Three week summer vacation? He probably doesn't want to be away from friends, or his home for that long. If it was just once a year, but it sounds like your family is ripping and running constantly. How old are your other kids?

He is not playing soccer. He refused to play. After all those years of travel, he does not want to play.

He hasn’t said he wanted to quit tennis yet. He just finds every excuse not to go to clinic and lessons. DS has been having fits and tantrums not going to matches because he will say he didn’t have advance notice. WTF. He had been going to these matches for his entire life. We have friends whose kids work so hard at tennis and just aren’t that good. This is kid is talented and so lazy.

You sound very angry at your son. I get being frustrated with an adolescent who can be a pain, but it seems there really is more to this than he's just being lazy.

I am very angry at him! It was the worst morning we have had maybe ever. This includes younger days when kids throw up or having toddler tantrums. He refused to go to school and almost made both his siblings late for school. I basically had to force him to go to school.

I remember I used to think having 2-3 young kids was hard. That was a cake walk compared to now. I remember hearing older parents say that the teen years were the most difficult. They weren’t kidding!

My DS was acting like this when he was being bullied. Maybe you should ask the guidance counselor to talk to your DS, and they can find out if anything is going on.

+1 Some withdrawl and grumpiness is totally normal in middle school but school refusal suggests something more serious is going on so I'd ask the school for insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to know what’s going on here. You are low on details and you seem very reactive, like everything the kid does is a personal insult to you.

It could just be puberty and being over scheduled (you mention 3 sports, 20 birthday parties, etc). Or there could be something actually wrong, but you need to step back and be objective and figure it out.

This is a kid who used to be a go go go kid. On any given weekend, he could have a sports game and birthday party and beg to have friends over. Or he would come home after sports, jump on fort nite and a group of friends would plan to go to Johnny’s house. This was the norm in our house ever since age 8. We were often the hang out house. In upper elementary, it would not be uncommon for this kid to have friends over 3-4x per week. We often would carpool to sports and other activities and kids would come to our house before or after.

[Anonymous]

When my 14yo DS gets like this, it's usually bc we haven't spent enough time together as a family.

Between his sports, and DD's sports and music, and two jobs, sometimes the days fly by and it feels like we haven't seen each other.

So we usually schedule some 'family-time.' That sometimes means letting the kids stay up later than normal on a school night to binge a show as a family, or a surprise ice cream sundae bar on a Wednesday, or a Sat night watching a movie that we would have never picked on our own, but a little togetherness sometimes shakes them out of their funk.

This is, of course, assuming that there's not a more serious underlying mental health issues. But kids get burnt out and into routines just like adults. And sometimes at this age (tbh, especially at this age) time spent with mom under a blanket watching a movie is the more important that an early bedtime or extra music practice or whatever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to know what’s going on here. You are low on details and you seem very reactive, like everything the kid does is a personal insult to you.

It could just be puberty and being over scheduled (you mention 3 sports, 20 birthday parties, etc). Or there could be something actually wrong, but you need to step back and be objective and figure it out.

I don't normally join these threads to accuse the parents of something, but yes if I had a parent like this, I would push back hard, though I would have been classified as a "good kid."

[Anonymous]

I would have him checked for Lyme and pandas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course not, but you need to figure out what is going on. Do you think he's using drugs .Being bullied? Molested?

I really don’t think he is being molested and I highly doubt anything bad happened on spring break. Minus the complaining, we had a good time. He also complained during our winter break but the complaining was just significantly worse during spring break. He seemed mad at me for always planning these extravagant trips and declared he only wants to do domestic and short trips. I heard him and noted that not everyone enjoys travel. I have friends and friends whose husbands don’t enjoy traveling, especially to far places.

I do think something may be going on at school and socially. It may be normal middle school drama or something more serious. He briefly mentioned he wasn’t popular a week or two ago. I reminded him that he has gone to more parties than our entire family combined. He recently went to a bar mitzvah and had a great time. I also told him that the cool popular middle school kids aren’t necessarily the popular kids in high school. He went on a field trip last week and a friend sent me a picture of him and he looked like he was having a great time. He was invited to another birthday party yesterday.

OP, it seems like you're negating his feelings. He says he's not popular? You disagree with him and tell him he's wrong to feel that way. Then you tell him he's wrong to feel un popular and it will change in high school. I know you're trying to help but this will shut him down and keep him from telling you things. He legitimately feels unpopular for some reason. Listen and be curious and try to understand why, rather than disagreeing with him.