Am I being petty or dignified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, seems like you're behaving professionally now? Being concise and not using exclamation points is neither petty nor dignified

I was always professional with him and everyone else. My point is that my style of engaging with him has changed. I just don't want to be as courteous as I used to be. And now I'm wondering if that's petty since it's signaling to him that my attitude toward him has changed.

I can see why he thinks you're dramatic

+1. You are being dramatic about not being dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, seems like you're behaving professionally now? Being concise and not using exclamation points is neither petty nor dignified

I was always professional with him and everyone else. My point is that my style of engaging with him has changed. I just don't want to be as courteous as I used to be. And now I'm wondering if that's petty since it's signaling to him that my attitude toward him has changed.

I don’t see anything wrong with your approach. He didn’t like you so you changed. He probably doesn’t care about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.

He doesn’t want me to. That’s why he called me dramatic and unilaterally stopped sending me his work. That’s why I leave him alone now and focus on other teams. He has issues with a lot of people so I’m glad I escalated.

[Anonymous]

Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

Sorry, English is not my first language. The gist of my question was, how would you behave with someone who slighted you at work? Would you be more formal or same as before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

Sorry, English is not my first language. The gist of my question was, how would you behave with someone who slighted you at work? Would you be more formal or same as before?

You are way overthinking this. Take it down a notch with him and carry on with the rest of your work. I think escalating it to your manager was actually a dramatic response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

Sorry, English is not my first language. The gist of my question was, how would you behave with someone who slighted you at work? Would you be more formal or same as before?

Do whatever it is that makes you feel the most comfortable while you do good work.

You are, indeed, way over thinking this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

Sorry, English is not my first language. The gist of my question was, how would you behave with someone who slighted you at work? Would you be more formal or same as before?

You are way overthinking this. Take it down a notch with him and carry on with the rest of your work. I think escalating it to your manager was actually a dramatic response.

It wasn’t a dramatic response because he was refusing to send me his work to review. I escalated that to my manager and added the him calling me dramatic bit because that’s why he said he won’t send me work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.

He doesn’t want me to. That’s why he called me dramatic and unilaterally stopped sending me his work. That’s why I leave him alone now and focus on other teams. He has issues with a lot of people so I’m glad I escalated.

He's a team lead. What exactly is your role and are you senior to him or not?

[Anonymous]

Using a lot of exclamation points is dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.

He doesn’t want me to. That’s why he called me dramatic and unilaterally stopped sending me his work. That’s why I leave him alone now and focus on other teams. He has issues with a lot of people so I’m glad I escalated.

He's a team lead. What exactly is your role and are you senior to him or not?

Yes, I am senior to him, but that doesn’t mean anything to him. He has said in the past that what his supervisor said re a work topic does not matter to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.

He doesn’t want me to. That’s why he called me dramatic and unilaterally stopped sending me his work. That’s why I leave him alone now and focus on other teams. He has issues with a lot of people so I’m glad I escalated.

He's a team lead. What exactly is your role and are you senior to him or not?

Yes, I am senior to him, but that doesn’t mean anything to him. He has said in the past that what his supervisor said re a work topic does not matter to him.

Funny that you could have added much more pertinent detail to your OP but didn't. Do you have a lack of confidence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If multiple sources have confirmed you are not the problem, then you do not have to change your work style. The difficult colleague’s preferences should not be more important than your own freedom to communicate as you wish.

With that said, if there is a simple fix you can do to accommodate this person and it will make life easier for you, go for it. I have some colleagues I am more social with and others I am more direct with, since over time I notice that it gets me better results to harmonize with their work style.

Thanks for your reply! Very helpful. The reason he called me dramatic isn’t because I talk to him too much or whatever. It’s because he wants minimal changes to his work that I review. So I accommodated that because I decided to focus on other teams and projects and don’t want to deal with his issues again.

Wait. That is different than the number of exclamation points and pleasantries. You need to be able to address issues with the work product.

He doesn’t want me to. That’s why he called me dramatic and unilaterally stopped sending me his work. That’s why I leave him alone now and focus on other teams. He has issues with a lot of people so I’m glad I escalated.

He's a team lead. What exactly is your role and are you senior to him or not?

Yes, I am senior to him, but that doesn’t mean anything to him. He has said in the past that what his supervisor said re a work topic does not matter to him.

Funny that you could have added much more pertinent detail to your OP but didn't. Do you have a lack of confidence?

Yes, and I’m working with a therapist. Obviously only someone lacking confidence would wonder about whether being formal with a rude and weird colleague is “petty.”