DH did not plan bday dinner

[Anonymous]

I plan 99% of everything we do for our family.

I usually say I want X for birthday dinner and I often make a Mother’s Day brunch reservation. DH does get me a card or flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is not a birthday guy. He has never been good at acknowledging my birthday. He has a lot of good qualities, but this isn’t one of them. He’s not a bad guy, Just doesn’t always pick up on things he’s supposed to do.

This year I had a milestone birthday. As with every year, he didn’t really acknowledge it. This always makes me a little bummed, but I’m not sure what else I can do. The thing is, he asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. I said yes, that would be great. I thought, since he asked, he’d follow through. But nothing.

I would like to plan my own belated birthday dinner out, but not sure if I should. So do I…. 1) Just do nothing, 2) take the kids out and tell him he can stay home and have his own time, or 3) take the kids out and invite him?

Interesting.

My wife's feelings get hurt if, on her birthday, I don't you know what her brains out. Sometimes I don't feel like it if I'm tired or stressed but I always give her what she wants because it's her birthday.

If you just want to pig out and shove food in your face for your birthday celebration, you don't actually need your spouse to participate.

[Anonymous]

I sort of don't understand the need to be celebrated in general. I don't need anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, or Mother's Day, or Valentine's Day. It just seems weird and artificial for adults, so I would definitely need for someone to tell me when to jump and how high if they had expectations. OP, if this is just about a birthday, just be very specific about what you want and when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of don't understand the need to be celebrated in general. I don't need anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, or Mother's Day, or Valentine's Day. It just seems weird and artificial for adults, so I would definitely need for someone to tell me when to jump and how high if they had expectations. OP, if this is just about a birthday, just be very specific about what you want and when.

Yes especially shoveling food down one's gullet like a freaking pelican swallowing a catfish. I can't imagine any husband would be very inclined to encourage such an unappetizing spectacle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sort of don't understand the need to be celebrated in general. I don't need anyone to make a big deal about my birthday, or Mother's Day, or Valentine's Day. It just seems weird and artificial for adults, so I would definitely need for someone to tell me when to jump and how high if they had expectations. OP, if this is just about a birthday, just be very specific about what you want and when.

Yes especially shoveling food down one's gullet like a freaking pelican swallowing a catfish. I can't imagine any husband would be very inclined to encourage such an unappetizing spectacle.

Speak for yourself. We enjoy celebrations. I make a big deal out of all my kids’ birthdays. We enjoy food. My friends and I celebrate our birthdays. Sometimes we make an excuse to go on a trip, especially for milestones.

[Anonymous]

I’m not into celebrating my own birthday, Mother’s Day etc but I find it really sad that the bar is so low in some of these relationships. Shouldn’t your husband or wife be the one person acknowledging you? Ignoring their birthday entirely (no card, acknowledgement, simple dinner) is seriously narcissistic behavior. A grown adult can’t put a reminder in their calendar? Give me a break. This is a choice and a pretty sad one given it’s your life partner.

[Anonymous]

Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

I had actually thought of that this year, and was planning to do it, but then he came out and actually asked. I probably should’ve said no thanks, I’ll plan something myself, when he asked in the first place

NP. No! Wtf. You should've said, "Yes, I'd love that! Can you make a reservation please and let me know the details?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

I had actually thought of that this year, and was planning to do it, but then he came out and actually asked. I probably should’ve said no thanks, I’ll plan something myself, when he asked in the first place

NP. No! Wtf. You should've said, "Yes, I'd love that! Can you make a reservation please and let me know the details?"

Maybe she did say something like that. She didn’t say no. If he set up the expectation he would do something, it’s even worse that he didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I broke up with my longtime ex when he did nothing for my 30th.

DH always always does a card, flowers and dinner at a minimum and always asks what I would like. I never have to remind, hint, etc.

I like a PP’s suggestion to have a “family traditions” book where everything is spelled out, since your DH seems like he would really benefit from something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

I had actually thought of that this year, and was planning to do it, but then he came out and actually asked. I probably should’ve said no thanks, I’ll plan something myself, when he asked in the first place

According to you he just asked if you wanted to do something. He didn’t say he’d set anything up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

I had actually thought of that this year, and was planning to do it, but then he came out and actually asked. I probably should’ve said no thanks, I’ll plan something myself, when he asked in the first place

According to you he just asked if you wanted to do something. He didn’t say he’d set anything up.

So stupid. This is Real Housewives level of parsing language to try to wriggle free of consequences for not thinking before you speak. Feel sorry for people around you.

[Anonymous]

Just say “hey, are we doing dinner for my birthday? You said you were going to make reservations. If you haven’t done it yet, I want to go [here], [here], or [here] since [40] is a big one and I want it to be special!”

[Anonymous]

This year for my birthday I made reservations at a restaurant I wanted to try and told my family that that’s what we were doing for my birthday. It’s not hard, op. If you want something to happen, and you know your partner isn’t good at it (planning, making reservations, etc.) then you will just have to do it yourself. You say he has other great qualities, so focus on those!

[Anonymous]

It does not take much to plan something, anything, however small. He is an adult. No excuse for inaction.