Mean kids at the park

[Anonymous]

pP. Sorry. Meant among (older than 5 yo) kids who are nearly the same age as each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have never had a problem with telling other kids when they are being jerks. Let the little monsters go tell mommy. I'd be happy to discuss her poor patenting and how she's raising a sociopath. I'm comfortable with this conversations.

Yeah I kind of agree. Three is too young to fend for oneself with jerky kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speak up when other kids are blocking the equipment or pushing. “ excuse me, Sally would like a turn down the slide.” And if they push or hit, sternly say “do not push my daughter”.

Sadly, you can’t do much about them not wanting to play with your daughter or them making snide comments.

This. Kids need to know that their parents have their backs. That helps give them the confidence to speak up for themselves when they have the vocabulary and ability.

[Anonymous]

That's annoying OP. I'd miss be your kid away from them or leave, which sound like it's what you did.

The problem there is not lack of closure supervision. I have a kindergartner and I don't hover over her at the playground. However, I do pay enough attention that if I see something amiss, I can go give an instruction or call her over for one. I was at the playground last week and chatting with another parent when I noticed something that didn't look right on the playground. I walked over and could see my DD was climbing over another kid she thought was moving too slow. I gave her one warning to stop and she did, and then I told her she needs to give space or we have to leave. Then I went back to my conversation. It's not that hard.

But a lot of caregivers will rely on "I think kids should work this out themselves." Uh, no, that's how you get a lord of the flies situation with bullying and sometimes violent behavior, because if kids don't get consistent reinforcement of behavioral expectations, they will gravitate towards selfish, often mean or unkind behavior. Most kids are not naturally kind-- you need to socialize them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same age kid and I also hate when other kids are more or less unsupervised at the playground. I haven’t encounter as mean behavior as you describe but behavior that still needs intervention and I never know what to do. Usually it’s nannies sitting around chatting with each other or on the phone so they’re not supervising. I will usually try to redirect my child away from such kids though. I will make statements like an earlier PP suggested, too.

Agree that nannies can be an issue (they were today) but I’ve seen an equal amount of this hands off attitude with parents when they’re with friends. I’ve stopped going to a certain playground because it’s frequented by a group of parents who just ignore their kids and sit around chatting with each other. I feel like some parents are sick of their kids (been there!) and think that going to the park is a free pass to stop supervising them. Again, older kids need to know how to resolve issues/find an adult to help when needed, but three year olds aren’t there yet.

I’m a SAHM so I spend a LOT of time at playgrounds.

1) I’m often “checked out.” I’m with my kid all day, every day. If I were on top of them all the time, they would definitely end up insane. The playground is, imo, an ideal place for caregivers to take a back seat and let kids play independently. You can provide adequate supervision and still do some scrolling or a call.

2) I have no hesitation speaking to other people’s kids and I think it’s weird that anyone would. I will absolutely say “she’s too little for that” or “can we take turns on the swing” or whatever. I’ve never had this be a problem. I’ve also never seen a kid be genuinely unkind to mine, but I would certainly intervene without hesitation. Most likely I’d just redirect my child but if the other kid were really a problem I’d find their caregiver.

How old is your kid that you’re checking out at the playground? I’m a SAHM and although I’d love to check out at the playground I don’t.

[Anonymous]

OP here, the kids are all 4 and under at the park on weekday mornings/early afternoons. I don’t expect everyone to play together, but if your kid is throwing sand on other kids and telling them they don’t like them, that’s not okay.
I’m also staying home with my kids right now (on maternity leave) so I’m dragging my infant around and I get that it’s exhausting. You can’t ignore a 3 year old at the park, though, unless you’re just a jerk. Sorry that it sucks and you’d rather scroll. If you want to ignore them then put a movie on and let them sit in front of it. Stop expecting other people to parent your kid.

[Anonymous]

I've seen a young kid deliberately throw sand in another kid's eyes.
Infamous incident at a playplace where a kid bit three kids in less than 60 seconds. (We filed a police report, flame away. The parent knew he was a biter and unleashed him without supervision, sorry not sorry.)
One time my son was pushed off playground equipment about a flight of stairs high. The kid was his buddy. I stopped arranging playdates and my kid never asked to see him again. I think the push was accidental but having to watch them play carefully when I had another younger kid and was pregnant was just too stressful for the payoff.

Don't really have advice other than to say you're not imagining things. I asked my dad if he'd ever seen a kid deliberately throw sand in eyes in his days of taking us to parks and he said no.

Public school teachers are all reporting behavior is getting very bad, even dangerous, and I believe them.

[Anonymous]

My kids are older (10, 8, 5), but I don’t recall anything like that. Mean girls in K and beyond? Sure… not random kids at the playground though.

Also, please realize that 4 year old are just like 3 year old and not mean kids. Know that she is your oldest and perhaps you lack perspective.

I am all about defending my kids (and have done so a few times) if needed.

[Anonymous]

OP why wouldn’t you say something to the bully kids? Kids hate getting in trouble by adults, usually me just standing by them gets them to shut up and act decent.

[Anonymous]

Ages 2-4 can be mean to each other, but it’s not exactly mean spirited. Intervening as a parent is counter productive. You can coach your child what to do, but setting the precedent that if sharing isn’t occurring or rude language happens they can come to you to solve their problem will be really hard to unwind.

Let kids solve their own problems or figure out how to navigate. Unless there’s danger, it’s all part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Also, if you feel compelled to address it, again if violence isn’t involved, don’t you dare discipline someone else’s child. Speak to the parent and ask them to intervene. If they’re a jerk, model good behavior and leave the playground.

This isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if you feel compelled to address it, again if violence isn’t involved, don’t you dare discipline someone else’s child. Speak to the parent and ask them to intervene. If they’re a jerk, model good behavior and leave the playground.

This isn’t hard.

I’m a teacher so I’m used to disciplining other people’s children, I just don’t want to have to do it in my off time. However, I’m not going to let your kid throw sand at other kids or make them cry. If you’re not aware that’s going on, then you’re the problem.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is the only answer.

[Anonymous]

I remove our children from obnoxious kids so they learn consequences. There is no better medicine for rude children than losing friendship and attention. I’ve encountered twice now really awful kids on the playground (which shows that most children are great) and letting them play alone always works, because it reminds them how they actually want friends and shows the parents how shameful the behavior is. One kid who was particularly rude alienated the entire neighborhood and everyone on their own abandoned the rude kid to his own misery and it taught him and all the other kids a priceless lesson on the value of kindness in procuring friendship.

[Anonymous]

What I actually hate most is kids age 4-8 who talk to me while I’m supervising my 3 year old. I talk to kids all day! I don’t want to talk to another one! Jk I’m always nice but omg, I seem to be a magnet for six year olds who want to tell me all about their lives.

I’ve never encountered a mean kid though, honestly. Normal, low level conflict over slides and such but never outright mean kids.