Should I force my 22 y.o. son to care about his appearance for work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get out what you put in. Good parenting is hard work and time consuming, but, if you take the easy way out, you’ll end up with this.

This is not true. And if it is explain how so many children who have come from nothing (e.g., drug addicted parents, poverty etc.) manage to escape and succeed. Should the meth-head mother take credit for her CEO son's success? Looks like another inexperienced parent of a six-month old infant found their way to a thread they weren't invited to .

Anomalies. It rarely happens.

Since you have it all figured out and parenting is the cause and cure, check back in when Molly is 18 and not launching so we can blame you. Molly is responsible for Molly. You can lead a Molly to water, but you can't force a Molly to drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get out what you put in. Good parenting is hard work and time consuming, but, if you take the easy way out, you’ll end up with this.

This is not true. And if it is explain how so many children who have come from nothing (e.g., drug addicted parents, poverty etc.) manage to escape and succeed. Should the meth-head mother take credit for her CEO son's success? Looks like another inexperienced parent of a six-month old infant found their way to a thread they weren't invited to .

Anomalies. It rarely happens.

Since you have it all figured out and parenting is the cause and cure, check back in when Molly is 18 and not launching so we can blame you. Molly is responsible for Molly. You can lead a Molly to water, but you can't force a Molly to drink.

Defending lazy parenting is a good look. Well done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry everyone is piling up on you OP!
I have one of those boys who are a bit oblivious about anything on the world of things - he mostly lives somewhere in the clouds.
I would definitely buy your son new shoes and make an appointment with a good barber/hairdresser and take him there (like, he is really good.. I am going to give you a ride and why don’t you try it?)
My theory is that some people require much more everyday maintenance than others. It’s almost generic. My dad is mostly oblivious to how he looks. His grandchild is going to be the same I am afraid. I do tell him it’s time to shop for new whatever.
I think modern parents are often confused by two conflicting guidance pieces: we should let go and we should be parenting well. It’s hard to find a balance but for some kids it’s towards more control

One of my kids has always been resistant to caring about his looks. I'm just hoping by the age of 45 he isn't living 100% in an athletic shirt and shorts.

[Anonymous]

Once he gets a girlfriend, she might help convince him that basic hygiene is important, as well as being "successful" in life. Unless his appearance and attitude prevent him from finding a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son will be 23 in June and has had multiple launching failures since graduating high school in 2019. He is pleasant, well-mannered, and well-spoken but tends toward laziness and has a pattern of lying. He struggled terribly in school. After high school, he enlisted in the military but dropped out four weeks into boot camp, flunked college, and lost a job last summer with no explanation. Last week, he got a new job with decent pay ($ 17 per hour, full-time). However, he rolls out of bed and gets dressed but is oblivious to his appearance-- hair unkept, raggedy shoes, needs to shave, etc.

I have offered to pay for appearance improvement (haircut, new shoes, etc.) under the condition that he pays me back from his first check. Still, he seems mostly disinterested and oblivious to his appearance, which is why I believe he was let go from his last job.

Since my goal is for him to move out, and another layoff would delay that, should I require him to maintain his appearance, or is that too controlling?

Just give him a deadline to move out no ifs ands or buts and stick to it. let him figure out how to make it work.

[Anonymous]

I have a 20 yo at home looking for a job. A long history of mental illness and now antipsychotic meds. I take baby steps in a nice way, but clean, shave, showered are not negotiable. Every day he applies for jobs, works on some classes online, etc. He is trying every day.

I think OP your son he’s depressed at the failure to launch. Take him out to one of the many free events in DC. Help him enjoy himself and get organized for an outing. Not too big a commitment but you’ll both feel better.

[Anonymous]

Just kick him out already you’ve been too lenient.

[Anonymous]

Encourage him to apply for jobs where appearance is unimportant. He can learn a skill (welding, electrician, plumber, roofer, mechanic, etc) and as long as he does good work, nobody is going to care if he wears old shoes. If he is resistant to studying to get certified, he can apply for unskilled labor jobs which don't require a neat appearance (mover, delivery person, call center employee, etc). It is possible to be both unattractive and employed if he so desires. If he doesn't want a job, no amount of cleaning up his appearance will make him a desirable employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry everyone is piling up on you OP!
I have one of those boys who are a bit oblivious about anything on the world of things - he mostly lives somewhere in the clouds.
I would definitely buy your son new shoes and make an appointment with a good barber/hairdresser and take him there (like, he is really good.. I am going to give you a ride and why don’t you try it?)
My theory is that some people require much more everyday maintenance than others. It’s almost generic. My dad is mostly oblivious to how he looks. His grandchild is going to be the same I am afraid. I do tell him it’s time to shop for new whatever.
I think modern parents are often confused by two conflicting guidance pieces: we should let go and we should be parenting well. It’s hard to find a balance but for some kids it’s towards more control

Thank you for understanding, and honestly the DCUM negativity rolls off my back. For the most part, I just assume the comments come from young parents who found their way to this forum. Generally, parents of older children are more mature and understand that everything is not the parents' fault.

LOL. I agree that you bear at least partial responsibility for this and my oldest is in college, but good try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get out what you put in. Good parenting is hard work and time consuming, but, if you take the easy way out, you’ll end up with this.

This is not true. And if it is explain how so many children who have come from nothing (e.g., drug addicted parents, poverty etc.) manage to escape and succeed. Should the meth-head mother take credit for her CEO son's success? Looks like another inexperienced parent of a six-month old infant found their way to a thread they weren't invited to .

No one needs to be “invited” to a thread on DCUM, and the stupid “you’re all just parents of little kids or else you’d be agreeing with me” is asinine. Stop embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

He lives under your roof, he follows your rules.

[Anonymous]

Sweetie,
Take responsibility for some of the mess you made.
Did he not learn basic grooming?

[Anonymous]

My teen asked me to buy him his own car.

I told him to get a haircut.

He shot back “well, Jesus had long hair!”

I reminded him Jesus walked everywhere.

[Anonymous]

If he's 22 and you're worried about it now, you're a little late to the game.

[Anonymous]

GEN Z new style so