This is going to be controversial but I need some help.
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Anonymous
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I had three terminations from the time I was 22 - 28. They all seemed justifiable at the time but I am horrified by my irresponsibility -- I'm pro choice obviously but I used the procedure irresponsibly and inappropriately. I have huge regrets and shame. Recently I gave birth early. My OB says it is not tied to the procedures but I see that multiple abortions are listed as a risk factor for preterm birth on every website book etc. there is.
I can't live with myself. I have never experienced guilt or pain like this before but I really do not care at all about me -- I feel sick for what I have done to my innocent child. He was in the NICU because of my past recklessness and stupidity. I am going to therapy of course for him. But I don't know how I will be able to cope of there is something wrong with him due to his prematurity -- and there very well could be. |
Anonymous
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I'm glad to hear you're seeking help, OP but the best thing you do is to own it.
We all make choices and part of being a grown up is to face the consequences. Love this child and give him everything you have. Maybe working with a charity that helps young moms in need and educating others who are facing what you faced in your 20s might help you heal. Best of luck... |
Anonymous
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there is absolutely NO evidence of that and your dr is a moron.
PLEASE do not feel guilty. All research shows that there are NOT negative consequences for subsequent pregnancies/births and this is NOT tied to your previous terminations. Sending a big hug. |
Anonymous
Why don't you read more carefully before calling her doctor a moron. The doctor told her the terminations did NOT cause the preterm labor. OP, we've all made decisions in the past that may have negative consequences on our child. This probably isn't an example of one of them. Just move on and focus on being the best mom you can. The past is the past. |
Anonymous
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12:20 -- the doctor said premature birth is NOT tied to the procedures.
If it helps at all I have a preemie and never had an abortion. It happens all the time. Hange in there. |
Anonymous
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We all face fear, anxiety, depression, being overwhelmed after childbirth--whatever the given combination is for each person. And you are feeling guilt on top of all this. Please take it easy on yourself. There's nothing you can do now but take care of yourself and your baby.
Even if you always regret your decisions, you have to forgive yourself eventually. The focus now should be on the positive. |
Anonymous
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Please do get therapy, please. And in the meantime, please try to be kind to yourself. There are plenty of other reasons why babies are born early--coincidence does not mean causation. He still could have been born that early even if you'd never had an abortion, or if you'd been a virgin until you were married, or even if he were immaculately conceived. There are just too many variables and you can't possibly make the connection between any of them in a situation like this. Being a new mom is hard enough. Please get some help so you don't make it even harder on yourself, unnecessarily.
To 12:14, I doubt the OP will say it, but I will. Screw you and your self-righteousness. |
Anonymous
What are you talking about? Don't we all make bad choices? Feeling guilty is not the way to go. Owning it and facing the consequences is the first step to acceptance and healing. What's wrong with you? There's nothing OP can do about her past but the future is in her hands now. This baby is here to make her grow and to be loved, not to bring her guilt and sadness. BTW she said she's seeking therapy already. Can't you read? |
Anonymous
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OP, please contact a support group immediately, so you can find the peace and healing you need. Project Rachel is a wonderful, loving, nonjudgmental group run by women just like you, as well as professionals who are experienced with the therapy you need:
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/ Don't listen to the strident voices who are more concerned about a certain agenda than your well being. Your feelings are real, they are valid, and they need to be addressed. I promise you, no matter what has happened, you can love your little baby and be loved in return. |
Anonymous
| Thank you PPs. I've been hiding the shame and guilt i feel about my past abortions for a long time and I dreaded something was going to go wrong in this pregnancy because of them. It's just kind of my worst fear come to life. I can't change it, I just have to figure out a way through it. I guess I kind of wanted to "confess." thanks for understanding. |
Anonymous
I agree with this totally. Seek help and support as you need it. You can be a great mom. |
Anonymous
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I never had an abortion and my child was premature. Do not beat yourself up.
If you do that now, you will beat yourself over every little bump he has over the next 18 years. If you had just picked him up he would not have fallen down... if you had stayed home instead of going to the park he wouldn't be sick... there's a lot of decisions ahead for you. You make them and move on. Decisions are half chance anyway. Don't second guess yourself. |
Anonymous
Project Rachel is connected to the Catholic church, just so you know. I don't know that it is exactly what you are looking or, since it purports to deal with "post-abortion grief," and it sounds to me like you're not grieving your past abortions so much as what you think is a residual of those abortions. I think therapy is an excellent idea, and I also want to wish you well. I hope you are able to get past these feelings in a healthy way. |
Anonymous
| How early was your baby born? You have no idea if the issue was caused by your past abortions. My best friend has had 3 pre term babies because of a defect in her cervix. My SIL lost a baby at 6mo. gestation due to a weak cervix. Neither of them have ever had an abortion. Be kind to yourself and rejoice in your LO. I hope all goes well for you and baby. I think a lot of peole can learn from your regret. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Dealing with what you are going through takes on 2 levels. First is reliable information. I'm not a healthcare practitioner but I know that websites can be extremely unreliable sources for information. And healthcare practitioners themselves have differences of opinion. I have myself been trying to get accurate information about all sorts of pregnancy-related things and find that there is A LOT of misinformation out there. Try to be as objective as you can while you sift through the various studies, etc. Second is emotional support. Again, I don't know what the effects are of the previous terminations, but you are now in a position of having a baby that needs extra care. Being a mom going through stress and anxiety is not going to help your little one. You need to be strong. You need to get over your guilt for his sake. Again, I have no idea as to whether your previous actions had any effect but what I do know is that your actions NOW have an effect. Guilt does not help. Educate yourself, find a support group, and be strong for your baby. He is here and he needs you. Use this emotional marker in time to heal and to move forward in a positive direction. Because self-punishing will do your son no good. I know you have it in you. |