Some thoughts on daycare

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

Something else to consider is that benefits are different in other countries - from healthcare to Maternity and Paternity leave which I am guessing delays the use of daycares.

[Anonymous]

Will you be home schooling, OP?

[Anonymous]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4837422.stm

Here is food for thought.

[Anonymous]

In answer to your question ... yes, in other countries (such as France & Scandinavia) they have daycare. It is paid for by the state. The difference is that those countries generally provide generous PAID maternity leave, in addition to the general high-quality safety net for things like health care and unemployment benefits. So if you're a mother there, it's much more practical to take a year off of work, because the government supports that choice. This does not have to do with the "general denegration of our society" -- it has to do with very specific social welfare policies we've chosen in this country -- ie, to have basically no safety net or support for families at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

I don't think it represents a degeneration of society. It's just a different way of ensuring our children get taken care of. My mother marvels at the fact that parents today actually play with their children -- much more than she ever did with us, or her parents did with her. We seem to have this image that long ago, mothers were constantly playing with their children and nurturing them until adulthood, when in reality it was likely siblings raising the kids (in large families) and fathers playing little or no role in the child rearing.

[Anonymous]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/mar/11/children

I found this article from 2008 comparing Sweden and the UK regarding childcare. I found this particularly interesting

Sweden also has a maximum fee policy which states parents should only have to spend between 1% and 3% of the family's income on childcare, depending on how many children they have.

Can you imagine!

[Anonymous]

You say you aren't trying to insult families that put their kids in daycare, but it sure comes across that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

We aren't Scandinavia. We don't *do* collectivism here. American exceptionalism and all that. That isn't likely to change.

Suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Okay- I'll feed the troll.

My kids have learned things in daycare that I never could have taught them as a SAHM. My control cases are my neices and nephews; other SAHM.

My kids accept diversity without question. Their caregivers and classmates are from all over the world and my kids have never asked me why so and so's skin is darker than their's. They don't care because they have grown up with people who don't look like them. They have been hugged and loved and cared for by people who are different. They do not fear difference in the world- they approach others with openness and curiosity, not fear.

My kids have learned independence. They have learned to navigate the world without Mommy and Daddy at their side. They have learned that other people can love you and take care of you, other than their parents.

My kids have learned to interact with their peers. They have learned to negociate disagreements. They don't just run to Mom or Dad to protest or negociate for them. My kids have learned how to handle disputes with their words.

Unless you are an arts and crafts whiz and a former teachers, they have been exposed to a richness of diverse opportunities to learn; express themselves through art and music. They were ready for school much before the kids of SAHMs. They understand routine and classroom management. They went to kindergarden writing, reading and doing math because they had learned so much. They accepted structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In answer to your question ... yes, in other countries (such as France & Scandinavia) they have daycare. It is paid for by the state. The difference is that those countries generally provide generous PAID maternity leave, in addition to the general high-quality safety net for things like health care and unemployment benefits. So if you're a mother there, it's much more practical to take a year off of work, because the government supports that choice. This does not have to do with the "general denegration of our society" -- it has to do with very specific social welfare policies we've chosen in this country -- ie, to have basically no safety net or support for families at all.

+1. You see in countries where no support is offered, birth rates are way down. Just like you see here in the US, almost all age groups have dropping birth rates:

http://www.economist.com/blogs/dailychart/2011/11/us-birth-rates

[Anonymous]

My son is in daycare but I'm still raising him. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will you be home schooling, OP?

The first years of life are when the vast majority of all brain development and all learning takes place. The early years set the foundation for he rest of the child's life. Once they are school age, it adds to it but really it is those first few years of life that matter the most in who your child will be.

[Anonymous]

There are no daycares in my country, the "community" pitches in to collectively raise children. There are as many working mothers as there are SAHMs but it's nothing for children to hang out at their neighbor's house until Mom and Dad came home from work. No money exchanged hands and nobody assumed silent grudges, -I don't want to watch your kids-. All the Moms in the community are considered everybody's Moms, houses are interchangeable and there is always a constant revolving door of kids in and out of neighborhood homes. Everybody knew everybody, values are similar across the board. If you got in trouble, Sally's Mom is allowed to and will discipline you the same way your Mom would and that was usually enough.

To some, the arrangement is too close for comfort but I missed that sense of community when I came to the States.

The caveat though is that my country is also not a *rich* country by American standards. People live frugally so there is no need to work crazy hours to provide for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is in daycare but I'm still raising him. ?

You are part of raising him but someone still has to also be raising him while you are at work. His growth and development and learning and need for all the things you give him don't stop while you are at work. Someone else is responding to him, teaching him, shaping who he will be.