My husband works full time and I work part time. I am responsible for most of the things on the list although I have full confidence that my husband could handle these things if necessary. Interesting that the list doesn't mention women's privilege of not being judged for choosing to work less than full time.
Also the last bullet point, "No matter how much my partner suffers, I will never conclude that it would be fair for me to do more than her. If she has a miscarriage, I'll still be able to count on her to run the household. If she has surgery or gives birth, she will continue to care for our kids. If her parents die, she will continue to do more to care for me than I do to care for her. If our child dies, she will be the one to plan their funeral. And very likely, I will offer her no emotional support through any of these challenges, and society will not judge me for my failure to do so," is absolutely unhinged. No emotional support at all, really? The man callously refuses to help the woman after childbirth or surgery? I'm sure there are men out there who act like this, but acting like that is a norm is a stretch. The author of this piece clearly hates men. I am grateful that I don't subscribe to this type of feminism because it seems like a miserable way to live. |
Is there a word for task blindness? My husband can see that lawn needs to get mowed or a diaper needs to be changed but things like buying a gift to a child's birthday (that he rsvped to attend) or making dentist appointmentd does not exist for him. |
I agree that this is far fetched and ridiculous but I also believe it's happened to some women. |
+1 3rd response in nailed it. If women married idiots who don't value equity, then they raise children with idiots who don't value equity. If they hold themselves to a higher standard, then they will marry a higher standard and raise children to a higher standard. Stop b!+ching and moaning and take responsibility for your lives before you marry. Raise your kids to value equity. My husband can substitute for me almost seamlessly and I for him. I handle more of the emotional baggage, but he does more logistical- like waiting by the computer to register them for camps that fill up in 10 min or ensuring all the school/camp medical forms are completed and mailed directly, even to the complicated out of state camps. I'm simply better at empathy and understanding and he's better at logistics. We divide most HH chores and child rearing, not equally but in equity. We use our strengths. Oh and I bring in 50% of our HHI, so he doesn't have all the stress if there's a layoff at work or something goes wrong. Marriages work back and forth. It's a partnership, equal. |
This list is very real for me. My husband, who is generally regarded as a nice guy and good dad, basically only performs tasks with direction and operates under the assumption that I’m the default for our kids at all times. I make more money than him by a smidge and work a fairly stressful job so the resentment can be strong at times. |
same girl, same. that feeling when he just… walks out of the house to go to the gym; or announces “I have to do a lot of work on my report this weekend.” |
It's a pretty obnoxious article. The message would be very thought provoking and would be taken very seriously if they hadn't pushed the most extreme examples |
Curious that he would be insulted by the women saying yes, this is my reality - instead of being mad at his fellow dads who are engaging in the behavior. |
Look. I get that we have a problem with women bearing the unfair brunt of domestic and familiar burdens.
But at the same time this list is sexist. It hits on a lot of pain points but it also implies men are dumb and lazy. I don't like it. - a woman who has a pretty even deal with my husband and realizes we ALL benefit from having one child that we can both manage while tending to ourselves and our careers |
Hey the actual research shows that as a group men ARE lazy. what’s wrong with pointing that out? Don’t like it, stop being lazy. |
I don't think generalizations like this are helpful or productive. There are better ways to point out the inequities. I think this reads as somewhat reductive to women because it implies that women ARE better at this and more suited. It's not a great look, for me. |
the generalizations literally come from academic research into time-use. |
We've lived in the same house for 12 years and done minimal rearranging since move-in day. And still, all these years later, my husband will unload the dishwasher and leave things on the counter because he "doesn't know where they go." Or if he folds laundry, he'll leave my stuff in a pile for the same reason. The problem isn't that he doesn't know where they go. It's that he's never tried to learn where they go. The "not my stuff" argument kills me. The reusable glass container, school paperwork, baking dish, new dog toys, and vacuum bags are also not my own personal stuff, so that's not a valid reason to leave them on the counter for a month. |
Do you ever do the same? Just walk out to go for a walk, to the bookstore, whatever? |
This list and thread makes me appreciate my husband. Some of yall apparently got some real duds. Sorry about that for you. |