How do you politely let a guy know you are married - getting uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

There is a guy at work that I just see in passing a few times a week. Think for example, someone in another department, or a security guard or something. He's attractive, so the first few times I saw him I did look at him and our eyes met. I'm married (and have NO intention of cheating) so I started to avoid him, not wanting to lead him on. Then when I did see him, I tried to avoid eye contact (check my cell phone, etc.). But then he started initiating conversations when I walked by, and I didn't want to be rude to him, so I'd chat with him and be on my way. This has been going on for a few months now. I can tell he's about to ask me out, and at this point I really like the guy (as a friend) and I don't want to hurt his feelings or embarrass him. I wear my engagement ring AND my wedding band every day, so I would think it would be obvious. I just want to be nice to him. Is it better to find a way to insert the words "husband" or "kids" into a conversation, or is that worse than letting him ask me out and telling him that I totally would if I were single?

Men, what would you prefer?

[Anonymous]

You should mention, in conversation, your husband and kids.

[Anonymous]

PP here. If this has been going on for a while and you sense where he is heading, I think it would be unfair to wait for him to ask you out, without making your status clear to him.

[Anonymous]

Just mention your husband and kids. If you wear your rings, he knows your married. But if you've been conversing with him for months, enough that you consider him a friend, and have never mentioned the ole ball and chain and rug rats at home, he probably suspects that your wifely status is a non issue.

[Anonymous]

There are so many ways you can inject your husband and kids into a conversation so I'd do that. For example, "Hey, how was your weekend?", You- "oh it was exhausting, my HUSBAND and KIDS had me running around"..

[Anonymous]

Wht haven't you mentioned your husband yet?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a child. Obviously just mention your husband and/or kids at some point. DUH!

[Anonymous]

ditto what 17:48 wrote - really, how have you let several months pass without making your boundaries clear? I don't think you're really anxious about this situation, I think you're getting an ego boost from it. -Not fair to your husband.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not an ego boost. Our conversations have been short and relatively superficial. Like I said, for awhile I have been avoiding him, but then he'd initiate conversations - like "Bundle up out there, it's a cold one today!" Not very polite to respond with "Yeah, I had to make sure my husband and kids bundled up today too!" I feel like that is just rude. There has just been no obvious point where I felt I could bring up my family where it didn't seen painfully rude. But if that is better than letting it go on as it is, I'll do it. I really just don't want to be mean to him.

[Anonymous]

If he says "bundle up, it's cold outside" you can say, "I know, and my kids are sick - hope I don't get it!" or something like that.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like he is doing anything. Male conversation doesn't mean there is an issue.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think he is about to ask you out? I don't see it.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything in the example of his comments that should make you uncomfortable. Either there's more than that which you don't want to share which is okay or you are reading too much into his polite comments. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, this is all in your head. You probably have the hots for him and don't want to face it. It's ok, you're married, not dead! As long as you aren't acting on it. If he does happen to ask you out, you just say you're married.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I might be reading too much into it. I'm in my mid 30s, but I should point out that I'm VERY bad at the whole flirting-dating banter thing. I married my college sweetheart, so I haven't been in the game for 12 years now. I honestly have no idea how grown adults do this. This is why I don't want to be rude by obviously interjecting something about husband and kids -he's a nice guy and I don't want to be rude to him. Also, that could make it even stranger - implying I thought he was interested, if he wasn't.

As for why I think its going in that direction - little things. For example, when I saw him on Thursday, he said "I was wondering this morning if you'd be in today." I might be reading too much into it, but if its nothing, why is he thinking about me all day?

Another reason is that he seems to have started "accidentally" bumping into me a lot more often. For example, I leave work every day at the same time. At first I'd see him like once a week on my way out, but now I see him every day - even if he's assigned somewhere else, he'll just "happen" to cross my path as I leave.

Anyway . . . no big deal. I agree with PPs - just need to find some way to politely throw into the conversation something about my family. Next week should be the perfect time - can mention something about the kids and Christmas.