Kindergartener doesn't want to go to school anymore

[Anonymous]

My DS doesn't want to go to school anymore. This whole week he has been saying his stomach is hurting, he doesn't want to go to school and that he's scared, but doesn't know why.

I've talked to the teacher and everything is fine in the classroom. There was a child that didn't want to play with him at the recess, but I don't think that's the main issue. I can't get him to talk or open up. I'm ready to send him to the school counselor, but would love to hear any ideas on how to get him to open up at home.

If it weren't for the morning complaints I wouldn't know anything is wrong. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

I would not send him to the counselor unless he is literally kicking and screaming to not go into the room. If he just says he doesn't want to go to school, but he says he had a good day when he gets out and the teacher says he's fine, I'd just let it go and ignore it.

DS was telling me he didn't want to go to school. I did find out after several weeks of this that another boy was calling him names. I told DS's teacher. I think she had a talk with the other boy and now DS seems to be fine and not saying that he "hates school." The other thing that it could be is that your child may be realizing that going to school EVERY day is the plan and he's kind of tired of going to school... this is just going to have to be something he gets over. No need to react.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you just email his teacher? Going to the counselor in my mind means something serious and then sometimes the issue gets put on the child's record. I'd leave them out of it if you can. When my child complains about something like that I just say that I have to do something that day that I don't want to either, but I know I can get through it and then offer to listen if there is anything he needs help with.

[Anonymous]

You might speak to his teacher again specifically about recess. At our school the teachers aren't at recess every day. My DD was having some issues with another girl that largely occurred on the playground. Her teacher had no idea until I brought it to her attention. She alerted the other teachers covering recess that week and things got a lot better. I would think your son's teacher should be able to help you get a better handle on what's happening outside. My experience has been that it's outside where a lot of stuff happens, not in the classroom.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks. I've been in touch with the teacher and she said that he's normally a happy kid during the day.

I mentioned the counselor so she could get to the bottom of why he's scared knowing the teacher doesn't have that much time during the day to talk to one-on-one with my son.

I didn't realize the issues get put on the record if a child talks to the counselor. It seems counter productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't realize the issues get put on the record if a child talks to the counselor. It seems counter productive.

I'm not sure what sorts of things get put on the record, but even if something were to be put "on the record" I'm not sure that would deter me from using the school counselor. I have three kids, from middle school down and I've found many times the school counselor is a great resource.

My immediate thought when you said this is a recent phenomonen and that there is an issue of someone not wanting to play with your kid at recess is that maybe there is some bullying going on. The classroom teacher isn't likely to know about what's happening at recess because, at least in MCPS, teachers don't monitor recess. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I have a Kindergartner also and he is not thrilled with school. It was fun at first and now he's realized it is a lot less play time, a lot more work time, than daycare/preschool was, and he'd like his old life back, please.
I have used the school counselor to address an issue related to anxiety and she was very nice and helpful. I wouldn't hesitate to use him/her as a resource. So what if "something" gets put on his record?
Good luck with explaining a life of required schooling to your little one. Whatever we say, I think they kind of get the underlying stupidity of it.

[Anonymous]

When our DD was in kindergarten, she also had a time when she really did not want to go to school. And she had always loved daycare and school.

Turns out one of the boys was bullying her at drop off, on the playground and again at after care. After a LOT of phone calls and meetings, the staff finally got a handle on it. Once the bullying stopped, she was happy to go to school again.

Reassure your son that he can tell you anything and that he is not to keep secrets from you, except for surprises like birthday presents.

There are some ways to encourage kids to talk. Direct questions don't always get answered. But if you ask if other kids are sometimes teased or hit, he might start talking about what's going on. Kids are frequently more likely to open up if they aren't looking you directly in the eye. At bedtime by night light, from the back seat of the car... you get the idea. For some reason they feel safer being open when you aren't looking directly at them.

I'd also pay attention to his imaginative play. If he narrates his play with action figures, animals, etc, listen to what he is saying and doing. It can be a way for him to work out what's going on at school (or home).

I'd also make sure he hasn't been touched inappropriately, as not wanting to return to school can be a sign of sexual abuse as well as a sign of bullying.

[Anonymous]

How is your child in reading? Can he/she sound out words? How about real words vs. nonsense words (tap and map vs. dap and fap)?

My son, in 2nd grade, is showing a multitude of signs of dyslexia. In my reading about it, a lot of the warning signs say things like "don't want to go to school." (We actually don't have this issue, but he can't sound out words.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your child in reading? Can he/she sound out words? How about real words vs. nonsense words (tap and map vs. dap and fap)?

My son, in 2nd grade, is showing a multitude of signs of dyslexia. In my reading about it, a lot of the warning signs say things like "don't want to go to school." (We actually don't have this issue, but he can't sound out words.)

I was thinking the same thing. My DS also started to dislike school in K and it got progressively worse as most of the other kids started to read and write with what must have seemed like ease in comparison to his struggles. It took until the end of 3rd grade to get the learning disability diagnosis and put all the pieces together. We thought there were social issues or something else going on but it was all frustration at having to work so hard to read and write and feeling stupid that he couldn't keep up with the others in class. He just couldn't explain to us that this is why he hated school until he was older so we got lots of vague complaints instead. The tummy ache complaint was a classic. I'm sure his tummy really did ache, but from anxiety about what was going to make him feel stupid in school that day, not from an actual physical issue. Of course, this could have nothing to do with OPs situation but just something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Can be totally normal in a kindergartner. My DD was great through Sept and Oct and in Nov it started to hit her that school is her life now... She has been complaining and saying she doesn't want to go, but her teacher says she is happy and she definitely reports about fun things she's done and things she liked doing, etc. So I'm pretty sure it's just a phase (as so many other things have been!)

[Anonymous]

19:54 here.

OP, expanding on 22:28's comments... it probably won't do you much good to ask the teacher if you think your child may have some sort of learning disability. I even asked my son's 2nd grade teacher 2 months ago and she said that she wasn't qualified to make an evaluation, but she didn't think so because he was such a good reader (he has tremendous word recognition). It was only after researching his chief symptom (can't spell worth a darn) and then seeing other things that he does, which really don't make a lot of sense given his intelligence. You're going to have to be your child's #1 advocate for seeing how well he/she is doing.

Unfortunately, K is a little early for a lot of real warning signs since most kids are developing a lot. But I began getting suspicions about midway through 1st grade and definitely this year. I'm so glad we've got it nearly figured out - he's being tested in Jan. after the holidays.

Good luck in getting to the bottom of what is causing the trouble. Try chats in the car. I've found my son is better at talking about things that bother him when he is in the backseat and slightly "removed" from me in the front seat.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone.

It just breaks my heart every morning to see him cry when it's time to go to school.

The signs are confusing because he does his homework every night with every intention of going to school and is excited to tell his teacher about things that he has made or seen.

I'll definitely keep an eye how things are progressing at school and try having more talks in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our DD was in kindergarten, she also had a time when she really did not want to go to school. And she had always loved daycare and school.

Turns out one of the boys was bullying her at drop off, on the playground and again at after care. After a LOT of phone calls and meetings, the staff finally got a handle on it. Once the bullying stopped, she was happy to go to school again.

Reassure your son that he can tell you anything and that he is not to keep secrets from you, except for surprises like birthday presents.

There are some ways to encourage kids to talk. Direct questions don't always get answered. But if you ask if other kids are sometimes teased or hit, he might start talking about what's going on. Kids are frequently more likely to open up if they aren't looking you directly in the eye. At bedtime by night light, from the back seat of the car... you get the idea. For some reason they feel safer being open when you aren't looking directly at them.

I'd also pay attention to his imaginative play. If he narrates his play with action figures, animals, etc, listen to what he is saying and doing. It can be a way for him to work out what's going on at school (or home).

I'd also make sure he hasn't been touched inappropriately, as not wanting to return to school can be a sign of sexual abuse as well as a sign of bullying.

Oh, for heaven's sake, I knew someone was going to go there.

In all likelihood, sexual abuse or bullying have nothing to do with this newfound resistance.

[Anonymous]

And why does it have to be a LD either? Good grief.