Country Club Questions

[Anonymous]

We started at an area private school last year, and I am discovering through casual conversation and functions that many of the school parents belong to country clubs, one club mostly, although others as well. The women play tennis (several women show up to events in tennis whites and discuss inter-club tennis matches), I assume they and/or their husbands play golf, etc. My husband and I neither play tennis nor golf. We both grew up solidly middle-class (in the real sense, not in the sense that everyone thinks they are middle class even if they earn 250K+, LOL), went to public schools and country clubs were just never on our radar screen at all--not that we were against them, it just was never part of our experience at all. (If it matters, we are one of those families where we chose private school for the education only, and are definitely way below most of the school financially, although we are not poor and are not receiving financial aid.)

I have a few questions if anyone can help:

--Will we be left out socially given that we are not country club members? How much private-school socializing takes place at country clubs, esp. if many of this school's families are members?

--Out of totally random curiosity, what does it cost roughly to join a country club and maintain a membership? What are typical incomes for country club families? What is the typical social class of country-club members?

--I seriously doubt we have any real interest in trying to join one, and also I'm 99.9% sure that we couldn't even afford it anyway even if we were interested, but again, out of curiosity and the tiny chance of interest: How does one become a member? Is there any reason at all to join if one doesn't golf or play tennis? Is it the sort of thing where families have been members for generations and new people aren't invited/welcome?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Washington Golf & County Club in Arlington is about $70K to join....not sure what the monthlies are....

[Anonymous]

Not sure what club you are talking about, but I am a member at Congressional and the answer is NO! People don't really socialize at clubs in the sense you are referring to , though kids may get together at summer camp (though they may go to other camps too).

Congressional is $110K to join and more than $350 per month. 3-5 year waiting list, but that is b/c of demand, not because they screen out certain people.

Bottom line, if you don't really really love golf or tennis (like my husband), then you are crazy to think about this or worry about it.

I find it funny that people think that club members get together and socialize. (Like we are sitting around the fireplace smoking cigars and drinking cognac talking about our money). Sure, we say hi to people at the pool, at the restaurants, and at a couple of social events each year. But in my experience, people are far more bonded to families in their churches, schools, work.

Now, some of the mothers you mention may in fact have met by playing tennis, but if you don't play tennis, what are you going to do.

Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

PP here, I just realized that this may have been a planted question for the farce thread. Damn, you got me . . .

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a serious question to me.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and this is a serious question.

[Anonymous]

Bump. Similar situation here with same questions.

[Anonymous]

"Like we are sitting around the fireplace smoking cigars and drinking cognac...."


Rats! I think my husband would have liked this part!

[Anonymous]

My parents were big tennis players, and we belonged to a country club growing up. It was nice for us to be able to swim and run about safely while my parents played tennis, and I remember them hanging around for a while afterwards having a drink with their friends when they were done. My husband and I are very active, but neither of us plays golf, so the only reason we've considered it is for the pool and kids' activities. Plus, a lot of our friends are members, and it would be nice to get together with them and their kids there and have lunch or dinner from time to time (I loved spending afternoons at the pool when I was a kid). However, it's a lot of money (between $70K and more than $100K) to join, and we're not sure it's worth it, given school tuition and looming college. To answer your questions, yes, a lot of their friends at school are members, but I don't think it negatively impacts our kids. There are some parties at the clubs, but they get invited to a lot of those anyway. And as for the tennis moms, they're nice enough, but I work and wouldn't be playing at that time anyway. Bottom line is, we don't feel excluded or somehow out of things because we aren't members, but our circle of friends is pretty diverse anyway. And the LAST thing I want to do is encourage my husband to play golf!

[Anonymous]

My BF's family in HS was a member of River Bend. I was invited to go all the time. We drank a ton of booze on daddy's tab, it was great fun.

You're kids friends will invite them.

Do you REALLY want to hang out with a bunch of tennis moms? Your post claims that you don't, but it seems that you secretly do.

[Anonymous]

I grew up at clubs and loved him as a child - great swimming, etc. But I've always been a little secretly amused by "tennis ladies" who walk around OUTSIDE the club in tennis whites. Even as a child I found it sort of pathetic and wondered why they seemed to love wearing whites to the supermarket and while running errands.

[Anonymous]

We have friends who are members of various country clubs in Mont. Co. In all cases they joined primarily for golf (husbands plays a lot and it's great for business connections). The respective wives rarely go to the club and their social lives definitely don't revolve around them. Not that this necessarily applies to your situation, but I have never felt left out of their lives because they are members of a country club.

In terms of the cost of a country club, that varies a lot. Anywhere from 20K to over 100K (and depends also if you want full golf privileges or social only). Also, if you are a legacy (parents are members), initiation fee is significantly less.

It sounds to me the issue with these private school moms is not so much that they belong to country clubs, but that they don't work and spend a lot of time playing tennis. If you work and don't play tennis, those would seem to be greater barriers to socializing than the fact that you aren't a member of their country club.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I know what I'm about to say isn't a direct answer to any of your questions, but I'd still like to share.

I worked for a few years a a country club in Northern Virginia when I was in high school and college. I'm not saying ALL the members were like this, but a majority of the members were--let's just say they were not the friendliest people in the world.

They very much had the attitude of "I have money and you don't," and their kids seemed to adopt this "holier than thou" attitude. The kids would disrespect their friends and even their parents, let alone the lonely "workers" like me.

I once had a kid send me back to make him 4 different flavors of milkshake and his parents just smiled at him, proud of the fact that he was ordering me around, and not being nice about it. Some of the adult members treated me like I was stupid, when I was attending a better university than their children were. It was an all-around "attitude" that, of course, not everyone possessed, but it was still too much for my taste.

I'm not saying this is true about every country club, but I'd rather join a community pool and find a local tennis or golf court than be a part of an expensive and exclusive club...I know that my husband and I wouldn't end up with that attitude, but I'd be afraid that my children would pick it up from the others around them.

Just my two cents. Hope this doesn't rub anyone the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up at clubs and loved him as a child - great swimming, etc. But I've always been a little secretly amused by "tennis ladies" who walk around OUTSIDE the club in tennis whites. Even as a child I found it sort of pathetic and wondered why they seemed to love wearing whites to the supermarket and while running errands.

They think it's a scene from Caddyshack.

[Anonymous]

But I've always been a little secretly amused by "tennis ladies" who walk around OUTSIDE the club in tennis whites. Even as a child I found it sort of pathetic and wondered why they seemed to love wearing whites to the supermarket and while running errands.

I just spit my drink out, this is too funny. The male corollary is the guy wearing full sailing regalia to go out to eat in a land-locked local restaurant.