My marriage is going to break over the little things

[Anonymous]

OP, when you are divorced you will literally do everything in your own home. Is that what you want?

I GUARANTEE your kids will prefer Dad's house.

Get your anxiety and possible OCD addressed medically. Life will likely look quite different when you do.

I grew up with a mom like you and it was not happy. Even "fun" things were tense. None of us see her much now. Her untreated anxiety got worse with age and it destroys relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are divorced you will literally do everything in your own home. Is that what you want?

I GUARANTEE your kids will prefer Dad's house.

Get your anxiety and possible OCD addressed medically. Life will likely look quite different when you do.

I grew up with a mom like you and it was not happy. Even "fun" things were tense. None of us see her much now. Her untreated anxiety got worse with age and it destroys relationships.

If OP got divorced she wouldn’t have to clean up behind DH anymore. Sounds like less work to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are divorced you will literally do everything in your own home. Is that what you want?

I GUARANTEE your kids will prefer Dad's house.

Get your anxiety and possible OCD addressed medically. Life will likely look quite different when you do.

I grew up with a mom like you and it was not happy. Even "fun" things were tense. None of us see her much now. Her untreated anxiety got worse with age and it destroys relationships.

If OP got divorced she wouldn’t have to clean up behind DH anymore. Sounds like less work to me.

OP is a bad mom who has made even the "rare" family movie night tense over a plate and wakes up raring to attack to ruin breakfast too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are divorced you will literally do everything in your own home. Is that what you want?

I GUARANTEE your kids will prefer Dad's house.

Get your anxiety and possible OCD addressed medically. Life will likely look quite different when you do.

I grew up with a mom like you and it was not happy. Even "fun" things were tense. None of us see her much now. Her untreated anxiety got worse with age and it destroys relationships.

If OP got divorced she wouldn’t have to clean up behind DH anymore. Sounds like less work to me.

OP is a bad mom who has made even the "rare" family movie night tense over a plate and wakes up raring to attack to ruin breakfast too.

This. And all because a plate with a presumably clean bottom was set on a couch. Ffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you come at him like that? It’s very accusatory. How about he honey, could you please put your plate in the dishwasher when you’ve finished?

What's your recommendation on how I should have responded?

You: Hey, can you put the plate in the sink?

Him: sure.

See how easy that is?

You: Hey, can you put the plate in the sink?

Him: later

Dog: jumps on couch and plate to lick it clean and makes a bigger mess

And? It’s just a fricking couch.

OP’s husband is not the problem here.

Exactly.
Couch schmouch. Let the kids and hubbies eat on it, color it, dump beer and wine in it, and leave trash and dirty dishes out it. Who cares!
Just buy another one every few months if the stains and clumps bother you.

I mean… replace “couch” with “spouse” and this seems to be how many of you actually feel. Fret over the furniture but treat your life partner as though they’re easily disposable or replaceable. Whatever.

No one wants a pig or slob as a roommate, office mate or spouse.

No one wants a pig or slob who doubles down are argues that it’s his right to be a pig or slob.

Go live in a little $hit$hack if that’s yours style. Have your elderly mom or some hired immigrant come clean up your messes a few times a week. #winning

Newsflash: it actually IS every person’s right to be a pig or a slob. If you can’t handle that simple fact then YOU should not get married.

Lol

Mama be proud of your big male piggies!

Long live the patriarchy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are divorced you will literally do everything in your own home. Is that what you want?

I GUARANTEE your kids will prefer Dad's house.

Get your anxiety and possible OCD addressed medically. Life will likely look quite different when you do.

I grew up with a mom like you and it was not happy. Even "fun" things were tense. None of us see her much now. Her untreated anxiety got worse with age and it destroys relationships.

If OP got divorced she wouldn’t have to clean up behind DH anymore. Sounds like less work to me.

OP is a bad mom who has made even the "rare" family movie night tense over a plate and wakes up raring to attack to ruin breakfast too.

This. And all because a plate with a presumably clean bottom was set on a couch. Ffs.

Nobody use or jiggle the couch folks, need to let Dad’s dirty pizza plate rest there for a few more nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP said she did more of the housework. What would happen if she just didn’t do more than her share? Would DH pick up the slack? But just not in the way OP would want it done?

I have a feeling they fell into this pattern because OP is overly controlling about how she wants things done. Team DH over here.

Interesting. I suspect the opposite, and that DH wouldn’t pick up the slack at all.

I suspect no one would notice except OP. I would bet money that 90% of the “work” she does is useless make-work BS.

No one would notice.

It’s not like they have adult guests in their home stopping by to chat or eat a meal or watch a game and they have to sit in the pizza plates left out on the couch cushions.

Just leave them.

Okay a game of chicken with your wife.

How many days or weeks can each of you leave his dirty plates taking up a seat on the couch?

Let it sit there and remind everyone of what a great husband and father he is.

He didn’t leave the plate on the couch. He set it there *while* he continued to watch the movie *with his family*.

Your insane over-the-top responses in this thread are actually indicative of YOU being a lousy wife and mother. A show ready house every minute of every day is FAR more important to you than your family members’ feelings or comfort.

Wrong again.

She brought up the dirty plate on the safe after the movie was over. Read all about it in the Op. he then picked a fight.

That’s their toxic pattern and how he need a reminder to do basic stuff, and how he reacts to a reminder.

Bet he did the same for reminders when a juvenile. Never outgrew that juvenile reaction. Or into good habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP said she did more of the housework. What would happen if she just didn’t do more than her share? Would DH pick up the slack? But just not in the way OP would want it done?

I have a feeling they fell into this pattern because OP is overly controlling about how she wants things done. Team DH over here.

Interesting. I suspect the opposite, and that DH wouldn’t pick up the slack at all.

I suspect no one would notice except OP. I would bet money that 90% of the “work” she does is useless make-work BS.

No one would notice.

It’s not like they have adult guests in their home stopping by to chat or eat a meal or watch a game and they have to sit in the pizza plates left out on the couch cushions.

Just leave them.

Okay a game of chicken with your wife.

How many days or weeks can each of you leave his dirty plates taking up a seat on the couch?

Let it sit there and remind everyone of what a great husband and father he is.

He didn’t leave the plate on the couch. He set it there *while* he continued to watch the movie *with his family*.

Your insane over-the-top responses in this thread are actually indicative of YOU being a lousy wife and mother. A show ready house every minute of every day is FAR more important to you than your family members’ feelings or comfort.

Wrong again.

She brought up the dirty plate on the safe after the movie was over. Read all about it in the Op. he then picked a fight.

That’s their toxic pattern and how he need a reminder to do basic stuff, and how he reacts to a reminder.

Bet he did the same for reminders when a juvenile. Never outgrew that juvenile reaction. Or into good habits.

Yes… after the movie was over. Probably when the lights were turned on and the TV was turned off… so she noticed it. She didn’t say anything about her husband’s whereabouts, so I assume he was still sitting right next to it.

And then SHE picked a fight. I’m sorry but you sound quite dense with your take on this situation.

[Anonymous]

It's not that it was important -to him- to leave the plate on the coach .. but it's just one more thing Op nags about. He wants to have a more relaxed life. His home too. She doesn't get to decide the rules.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Reading comprehension is at an all time low here. It isn’t about one single plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you are divorced you will literally do everything in your own home. Is that what you want?

I GUARANTEE your kids will prefer Dad's house.

Get your anxiety and possible OCD addressed medically. Life will likely look quite different when you do.

I grew up with a mom like you and it was not happy. Even "fun" things were tense. None of us see her much now. Her untreated anxiety got worse with age and it destroys relationships.

If OP got divorced she wouldn’t have to clean up behind DH anymore. Sounds like less work to me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP said she did more of the housework. What would happen if she just didn’t do more than her share? Would DH pick up the slack? But just not in the way OP would want it done?

I have a feeling they fell into this pattern because OP is overly controlling about how she wants things done. Team DH over here.

Interesting. I suspect the opposite, and that DH wouldn’t pick up the slack at all.

I suspect no one would notice except OP. I would bet money that 90% of the “work” she does is useless make-work BS.

No one would notice.

It’s not like they have adult guests in their home stopping by to chat or eat a meal or watch a game and they have to sit in the pizza plates left out on the couch cushions.

Just leave them.

Okay a game of chicken with your wife.

How many days or weeks can each of you leave his dirty plates taking up a seat on the couch?

Let it sit there and remind everyone of what a great husband and father he is.

He didn’t leave the plate on the couch. He set it there *while* he continued to watch the movie *with his family*.

Your insane over-the-top responses in this thread are actually indicative of YOU being a lousy wife and mother. A show ready house every minute of every day is FAR more important to you than your family members’ feelings or comfort.

Wrong again.

She brought up the dirty plate on the safe after the movie was over. Read all about it in the Op. he then picked a fight.

That’s their toxic pattern and how he need a reminder to do basic stuff, and how he reacts to a reminder.

Bet he did the same for reminders when a juvenile. Never outgrew that juvenile reaction. Or into good habits.

Yes… after the movie was over. Probably when the lights were turned on and the TV was turned off… so she noticed it. She didn’t say anything about her husband’s whereabouts, so I assume he was still sitting right next to it.

And then SHE picked a fight. I’m sorry but you sound quite dense with your take on this situation.

Normal person: Yup, picking it up now.

Psycho person: shut up! Who cares! I like it there! So what!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP said she did more of the housework. What would happen if she just didn’t do more than her share? Would DH pick up the slack? But just not in the way OP would want it done?

I have a feeling they fell into this pattern because OP is overly controlling about how she wants things done. Team DH over here.

Interesting. I suspect the opposite, and that DH wouldn’t pick up the slack at all.

I suspect no one would notice except OP. I would bet money that 90% of the “work” she does is useless make-work BS.

No one would notice.

It’s not like they have adult guests in their home stopping by to chat or eat a meal or watch a game and they have to sit in the pizza plates left out on the couch cushions.

Just leave them.

Okay a game of chicken with your wife.

How many days or weeks can each of you leave his dirty plates taking up a seat on the couch?

Let it sit there and remind everyone of what a great husband and father he is.

He didn’t leave the plate on the couch. He set it there *while* he continued to watch the movie *with his family*.

Your insane over-the-top responses in this thread are actually indicative of YOU being a lousy wife and mother. A show ready house every minute of every day is FAR more important to you than your family members’ feelings or comfort.

Wrong again.

She brought up the dirty plate on the safe after the movie was over. Read all about it in the Op. he then picked a fight.

That’s their toxic pattern and how he need a reminder to do basic stuff, and how he reacts to a reminder.

Bet he did the same for reminders when a juvenile. Never outgrew that juvenile reaction. Or into good habits.

Yes… after the movie was over. Probably when the lights were turned on and the TV was turned off… so she noticed it. She didn’t say anything about her husband’s whereabouts, so I assume he was still sitting right next to it.

And then SHE picked a fight. I’m sorry but you sound quite dense with your take on this situation.

Normal person: Yup, picking it up now.

Psycho person: shut up! Who cares! I like it there! So what!

If someone acted "shocked" (OP's words) over such a minor thing, I would probably be defensive too. "Who cares" would be my response for sure.

[Anonymous]

Use paper plates for pizza night.

See how easy this is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I let all of this go after he almost died.

That must have been terrifying, PP. So glad for both of you that things turned out well.