Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

It's really funny how many people are discussing fertility when OP said she was open to adoption.

[Anonymous]

How is he in bed? Is he a stallion or a below average guy. If he is good in bed with good stamina great head game it doesn't matter how much he makes lock him up. If not we will see you on this forum a few years down the line complaining about your low libido quick ejaculation low stamina boring you name it.

[Anonymous]

I’m appalled by the women bragging about getting pregnant naturally in late 30’s. I’m not questioning the veracity of your claim but that is not the norm. It would be terrible to mislead someone. Not everyone can afford IVF or donor egg process if they find out the hard way fertility is down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you might have unrealistic expectations about having an affluent lifestyle as a SAHM. If that truly is your priority, then you obviously need to find a spouse who can not only deliver that, but is also cool with being the breadwinner supporting a SAHM.

Hint: a lot of men say they want that until they feel the stress of shouldering the financial burden alone.

If you are young, attractive, and educated, you might find this unicorn of a spouse. If not, then adjust your priorities.

How old are you?

Despite what you think, women don’t easily get pregnant after 35. If your clock is ticking, then adjust your priorities.

You're actually very wrong about that. 35 is an arbitrary age based on a small sample of French data from like 100 years ago.

I am a demographer. When we look fertility rate at 35 we do see a big drop. Now it does not women cannot convince at this age. It simply means that expectations should be adjusted for women who want to have children later in life and keep the data in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m appalled by the women bragging about getting pregnant naturally in late 30’s. I’m not questioning the veracity of your claim but that is not the norm. It would be terrible to mislead someone. Not everyone can afford IVF or donor egg process if they find out the hard way fertility is down.

DP. Isn't the chance of getting pregnant within a year around 66% for women between 35 and 40?

I simply think that these discussions are not very relevant unless you're advising women to enter relationships they don't want to enter just so they can have children, not to mention that any woman who has questions about her fertility should visit a doctor, not DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m appalled by the women bragging about getting pregnant naturally in late 30’s. I’m not questioning the veracity of your claim but that is not the norm. It would be terrible to mislead someone. Not everyone can afford IVF or donor egg process if they find out the hard way fertility is down.

DP. Isn't the chance of getting pregnant within a year around 66% for women between 35 and 40?

I simply think that these discussions are not very relevant unless you're advising women to enter relationships they don't want to enter just so they can have children, not to mention that any woman who has questions about her fertility should visit a doctor, not DCUM.

You can bracket the age range as much as you want to make the % look good but the drop is steep as you go from 35 up by each year.

And I have not posted re OP to stay w her BF for fertility reasons. Her issue is strictly monetary as she has indicated she has frozen her eggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:99% of Americans do not earn 180$ a year. This is the weirdest question i have ever read on DCUM.

This is spectacularly false. It’s not even a top 10% income in a lot of places anymore.

For a 30 year old, $180k is the top 4 percent. So 96 percent of 30-year-olds make less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend in the DMV who is a SAHM with a husband who makes about $150K. They live in a decent house in a marginal DMV neighborhood (that they've not been able to maintain) and struggle to get by, as in their kids don't go to camp, dance lessons, music lessons, join soccer teams, etc... They only have one car. They don't take even domestic vacations. The whole SAHM is a bad idea if the mom has the ability to out earn a nanny.

If they struggle right now wait to see how much they'll struggle when their kids get their driver license and his poor dad won't be able to gift them a BMW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

You want what you want, but you gotta be realistic. You're a high earner and it looks from one of your comments that you're aware of it. Very a few people make what you make and unless the guy makes much more than you do, which is even more difficult to come by, your lifestyle will take a massive hit compared to the one you'd have as DINKS before the children are born. That might be an issue for him.

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel he will only ever make 80,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:99% of Americans do not earn 180$ a year. This is the weirdest question i have ever read on DCUM.

This is spectacularly false. It’s not even a top 10% income in a lot of places anymore.

Do you really believe that?

Look it up, lazybones.

You appear to be confusing household income for individual income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m appalled by the women bragging about getting pregnant naturally in late 30’s. I’m not questioning the veracity of your claim but that is not the norm. It would be terrible to mislead someone. Not everyone can afford IVF or donor egg process if they find out the hard way fertility is down.

It feels like they're bragging about their fertility to me. It's weird and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First thing that pops up on google: once a woman is over 35, her chances dropped to less than 30 percent chance of conceiving on their most fertile day.

A one in three chance every month pretty much guarantees you a pregnancy after six months of trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any chance he has family money?

I married the nice guy with the $80k salary (and excellent benefits) and I had no clue his parents were equipped to pay for our wedding, honeymoon, generous down payment on our first home, etc.

I think he opted for the low paying job knowing his parents would supplement (including gifts like a new car for a milestone birthday and college savings accounts for our kids).

Nonetheless, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t annoyed that I’m the breadwinner with the stressful job that pays our bills. I wasn’t able to be a SAHM. I’m still slightly annoyed about that.

There is definitely something to be said for men who relish in being the provider. Don’t settle if it feels like you are settling.

This might be one of the most obnoxious things I've read on this site, and that's a high bar. You married a nice guy who works, your in-laws paid for your wedding, your honeymoon, your down payment on your home, new cars, and kids' college accounts, and you're annoyed about...anything? It's downright impressive what some folks think they deserve in life.

- Another mom/breadwinner who know exactly what it takes to cover those expenses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any chance he has family money?

I married the nice guy with the $80k salary (and excellent benefits) and I had no clue his parents were equipped to pay for our wedding, honeymoon, generous down payment on our first home, etc.

I think he opted for the low paying job knowing his parents would supplement (including gifts like a new car for a milestone birthday and college savings accounts for our kids).

Nonetheless, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t annoyed that I’m the breadwinner with the stressful job that pays our bills. I wasn’t able to be a SAHM. I’m still slightly annoyed about that.

There is definitely something to be said for men who relish in being the provider. Don’t settle if it feels like you are settling.

This might be one of the most obnoxious things I've read on this site, and that's a high bar. You married a nice guy who works, your in-laws paid for your wedding, your honeymoon, your down payment on your home, new cars, and kids' college accounts, and you're annoyed about...anything? It's downright impressive what some folks think they deserve in life.

- Another mom/breadwinner who know exactly what it takes to cover those expenses

I would be annoyed, too, having a partner like that. Who can relax and afford being unambitious in his career due to pre-marital assets or endowments from parents, but at the same time shifting the burden of current household expenses on mother of his children. The wife would be also at a loss splitting post marital assets with him. I would ask for a prenup if I was that woman