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BD Party- Obligation to invite all in Middle School class? Rambling, sorry...
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Anonymous
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There was a thread on Birthday Party Overkill about 2 years ago; am wondering if the same holds in Middle School. We're in a small school (only 1 class per grade) and if DC had a party (not every year) we either invited the whole class (K) or all the girls. That's the culture of the school, though my husband thinks it's insane that his kids can't just quietly invite their friends and be done with it. For the most part, DC has been invited back by those who had parties; everybody doesn't every year - no problems there.
In MS it seems to either be a whole class event, or break down into friendship groups. If my DC's friends are about 2/3 of the girls, it looks pretty obvious to leave 1/3 out- it's not a "small" gathering (we don't do fancy--that's not the issue) anymore. But I am reluctant to continue forcing her to invite the kids who are not nice to her or just never showed any interest beyond school. This is not about tit for tat, and I really do not want to alienate anyone - I'm just tired of hosting everyone. Because of our work schedules our kids do not get to have friends over as often as others, and I'd rather just have a friends/cousins event that doesn't become a huge obligation. If we invited someone last year, and never heard from them again, are we obligated to invite them again this year? There are not 2 or 3 best buddies we can stick with, it's more of a loose friendship group- or I'd go the have your 2 closest buddies over route. Thanks for your patience with this ramble. |
Anonymous
| By middle school most girls have small parties, a few friends, maybe a movie or sleepover. Keep it to a handful. |
Anonymous
| Thanks! (Just what I was hoping to hear.) |
Anonymous
| Unless the small group is two thirds of the girls..sorry but if it is that..nicer to invite everyone. I am perplexed that if you are fine to invite two thirds of the girls..how would one third tire you out? |
Anonymous
| My kid's school has the policy of inviting 1) the whole class or 2) all the same gender in the class or 3) Half or fewer of either gender or any subgroup. I think it makes sense and is less hurtful than inviting 2/3s and leaving 1/3 out. |
Anonymous
| I'm guessing that your daughter's class has about 30 kids, which means about 15 girls. If you invite 10, that means 5 are left out, which is too few. Either invite her 5 closest friends from school, along with other friends/cousins/whatever, or invite all the girls. |
Anonymous
| Agree with the guideline of less than half or all. Don't exclude just a few - that is really cruel to a middle schooler. |
Anonymous
| As per 10:04, a handful is five, not ten. If your DC is on the hook to invite 15 girls and you opt to invite ten as a "handful," well, hmmm. If you are at Sheridan (or any other school that ends at 6th or 8th), assume that this decision will somehow work its way into your DC's recs for HS. |
Anonymous
| Tired of hosting 15 girls instead of 10? Then you sound lazy and to be honest with you, you kind of sound like a mean girl grown up. It seems to be more about you and how "tired" you are of having the unpopular girls around. Maybe it is no big deal to you but I bet it would be a huge deal to the uninvited. I bet this attitude of yours rubs off on your daughter. P.s it Also sounds like your family may be at the wrong school. I think a switch may be in order. |
Anonymous
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is the event in the summer? or during the school year? it makes a difference
if it is over the summer, invite who you want to and be done with it. |
Anonymous
Or maybe the girls who aren't your daughter's friends find it tiresome to be invited to these things where they aren't in the friendship group yet their parents make them go not to be rude. I am pretty sure that by middle school everyone knows who does or doesn't like them and who is or isn't friends outside of school; I find it hard to believe that it's actually the kids who have any kind of issue with not being invited to everything. |
Anonymous
| Wrong-[i]it's even more hurtful in MS |
Anonymous
I'm sorry, but that really sounds like a convenient excuse: "Oh, we left out Charlotte and Mary, because we didn't want their parents to force them to come to a party when they aren't really DD's friends". In Middle School the kids are VERY aware of who is or isn't friends, but that doesn't make it feel better if you're one of the handful who are left out. The parents I like and respect are, it turns out, the ones who stuck with the "less than half or everyone" rule through middle school. High school parties are more stratified by friendship groups. |
Anonymous
| My mom always told me that if you have to think about "am I doing something that would hurt someone's feelings"..then you probably shouldn't be doing it. I think sadly that there are quite a few mean moms out there. |
Anonymous
| By middle school we invite about 5. |