I haven't figured out how people raise children in DC

[Anonymous]

This place is brutal. We commute 45 minutes to an hour each direction. We pay thousands of dollars a month for a small home that isn't even metro accessible. We pay over $2k a month for a nanny share because we are still on waiting lists for daycare. Friends of mine pay that much for their kid to go to kindergarten because they refuse to put her in DC public schools. We work 50 hour weeks and are considered to have relatively low-stress jobs for our line of work. It's 100 degrees in May, so we can't go outside and play with DD. We carry blackberries everywhere we go. Seriously, how do people function this way long-term? We're so overstressed and undersupported, it's ridiculous.

Plus, and not to start a firestorm here (but it's bound to happen), lots of moms in this area are total helicopters who can't imagine not buying their precious LO $50 shoes for preschool.

Seriously, are people HAPPY here raising children? I mean, it's a fabulous place to live if you're young and single. But raising a toddler and preggo it's like one big stress bubble!!

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is sustainable for many. I wouldn't be surprised if we start seeing a large migration of people out of this area. It is very expensive and most Americans have not see any substantial wage growth this decade, coupled with a huge housing bubble. I would think many will conclude it isn't worth it here.

[Anonymous]

I'm not, that's why I am leaving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This place is brutal. We commute 45 minutes to an hour each direction. We pay thousands of dollars a month for a small home that isn't even metro accessible. We pay over $2k a month for a nanny share because we are still on waiting lists for daycare. Friends of mine pay that much for their kid to go to kindergarten because they refuse to put her in DC public schools. We work 50 hour weeks and are considered to have relatively low-stress jobs for our line of work. It's 100 degrees in May, so we can't go outside and play with DD. We carry blackberries everywhere we go. Seriously, how do people function this way long-term? We're so overstressed and undersupported, it's ridiculous.

Plus, and not to start a firestorm here (but it's bound to happen), lots of moms in this area are total helicopters who can't imagine not buying their precious LO $50 shoes for preschool.

Seriously, are people HAPPY here raising children? I mean, it's a fabulous place to live if you're young and single. But raising a toddler and preggo it's like one big stress bubble!!

Well, you seem to be combining here. If people are paying for private school to avoid DCPS they shouldn't have bad commutes like you do. Otherwise they are doing something wrong since many people live in DC to avoid commuting.

And why are you paying so much for a house that is far out and small? Seems like you are missing the trade off part of living here and raising a family here. Maybe you'd be happier renting?

We have a small house but we are close in and have good commutes. We make enough to be comfortable but not enough to know or care about anyone paying $50 for preschool schools. We love our jobs, and we wouldn't have them outside this area so it makes it a little easier to spend 45 or 50 hours a week on them.

The key for us is job satisfaction and family nearby. I do think it would suck more if we didn't have my parents who retired not too far from here, and DH's siblings are in the area as well.

I admit it's tough here sometimes but you don't have to get caught up in the world of helicopter moms etc. There are a lot of diverse people here and it's a lot easier if you find a good group of friends.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have lived here for almost 20yrs, but are now considering leaving. So much opportunity to do things here with DD, but also lots of negatives. This thread can go either way depending on how you weight out those pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

You are totally right. People may flame you, but honestly, people here SUCK. I grew up in this area and did not realize how abnormal things were until I left for college. I went to a very competitive small liberal arts school and was shocked to find out that everyone else did not have a complete life plan at age 18, since I and all of my friends did.

This is the land of keeping up with the Joneses and my friends who live other places (especially the south and midwest) are SO much happier.

[Anonymous]

So are you moving OP? There are many threads that discuss why the grass is greener outside of DC. And that may be true, but there are a lot of great things for families here too.

I think the answer for us is the jobs we have/like are not in places that are easier to live (ie NY, Boston, SF). We love New England but to have a nice summer you have to have miserable winters that last 9 mos (no thanks); we love the pacific NW, but to have gorgeous summers you have to put up with drizzle for 9 mos (again, that would depress me). We love all that the city has to offer us and our kids (restaurants, museums, street fairs, drive to the beach, shenandoah, Philly, NY, WVA). We live in the city, so our commute is less than 45 mins (it's 30 or less) and our kids ARE going to K in DC public schools. We hang out with people that don't give a %$*@ about the kind of shoes our kids wear and who let their kids play. We have lots of options for camps in the summer which we may not if we worked somewhere else. We realize we could live on less elsewhere but don't want to live in a lot of those places. I'd be interested in what people who have left DC feel. Is it really better (assuming you didn't move where you have grandparents helping out with the kids all the time, which would make things better)?

[Anonymous]

We won't stay. Our LO is 1-1/2, and we plan to move in five years. It's expensive, and the weather is awful. At first, I loved how tuned-in everyone was in regard to politics. Now, I realize everyone is just full of shit. I love having access to all the cultural institutions (we also work in the industry), but DC is not the end-all for culture, and we can always come back for family vacations.

[Anonymous]

We've lived in the D.C. area three different times each time for about 2-3 years. We tolerate it as best we can. We chose a further out suburb with easy transportation into the city (Burke) so that I could stay home and we could still afford to rent a decent home. I did everything in my power to take care of things at home so my husbands life was less stressful. And I tried to protect my kids as best I could from all the nonsense.

It's a little easier in Burke because there are so many military and government families. They are more like us....grounded in reality! We lived in the District for a few months thinking we might live in the city and put the kids in privates. It only took about four or five weeks for me to realize that while it was fun for a little while, it definitely wasn't the way I wanted to raise my family.

We make the best of it while we are there, but we always look forward to getting back to the "real world".

[Anonymous]

ha! those are a few of the reasons why we left.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. I used to be that way. Lived in the burbs, horrible commute, long wait for good daycare.
So, we finally got DC into a daycare we love, that is convenient to work and the doctors office. Moved closer in. Smaller place, but metro accessible. My backyard is a patio. But there is a pocket park across the street - big enough for us to take the wagon out filled with sidewalk chalk and bubbles and balls and run around and have fun. Neighbors are always out having fun too.
Helicopter? Well, no, probably the opposite and don't helicopter enough. $50 shoes? Yes, but thats do to foot problems with older DS. Otherwise, his shirts and pants cost between $4-7, and younger one mostly wears hand-me downs.
If the commute is draining the life out of you, move closer in. You don't need a huge home or big yard. Just a nearby park and nice neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This place is brutal. We commute 45 minutes to an hour each direction. We pay thousands of dollars a month for a small home that isn't even metro accessible. We pay over $2k a month for a nanny share because we are still on waiting lists for daycare. Friends of mine pay that much for their kid to go to kindergarten because they refuse to put her in DC public schools. We work 50 hour weeks and are considered to have relatively low-stress jobs for our line of work. It's 100 degrees in May, so we can't go outside and play with DD. We carry blackberries everywhere we go. Seriously, how do people function this way long-term? We're so overstressed and undersupported, it's ridiculous.

Plus, and not to start a firestorm here (but it's bound to happen), lots of moms in this area are total helicopters who can't imagine not buying their precious LO $50 shoes for preschool.

Seriously, are people HAPPY here raising children? I mean, it's a fabulous place to live if you're young and single. But raising a toddler and preggo it's like one big stress bubble!!

Well, you seem to be combining here. If people are paying for private school to avoid DCPS they shouldn't have bad commutes like you do. Otherwise they are doing something wrong since many people live in DC to avoid commuting.

And why are you paying so much for a house that is far out and small? Seems like you are missing the trade off part of living here and raising a family here. Maybe you'd be happier renting?We have a small house but we are close in and have good commutes. We make enough to be comfortable but not enough to know or care about anyone paying $50 for preschool schools. We love our jobs, and we wouldn't have them outside this area so it makes it a little easier to spend 45 or 50 hours a week on them.

The key for us is job satisfaction and family nearby. I do think it would suck more if we didn't have my parents who retired not too far from here, and DH's siblings are in the area as well.

I admit it's tough here sometimes but you don't have to get caught up in the world of helicopter moms etc. There are a lot of diverse people here and it's a lot easier if you find a good group of friends.

OP here, sadly we ARE renting. If we had it to do over again we would choose a metro accessible neighborhood, but honestly, DC is a large town with horrible traffic, so even though we live 5 miles from our jobs, that 5 miles takes 45 minutes. If we lived any closer we couldn't afford the third bedroom in our house, which is the only way we have any support at all for when family comes to visit.

[Anonymous]

The job thing, I agree, is out of control. People massively overestimate their own importance, and need to relax more, spend less time in the office, and generate self-worth other than through their jobs.

The high price for housing thing is just a reflection of the relatively high incomes and the fact that lots of people want to live here. It is still a lot cheaper than other places like London, New York, or San Francisco.

As for your question of whether people are happy raising children here, the answer is of course no. If we wanted to be happy we wouldn't have had kids. We would be on a mini-break now on some Caribbean Island. But we were idiots.

[Anonymous]

Please don't judge me for my toddler's $50 shoes. He has XW feet and the only shoes I can find for him are from Stride-Rite and that's how much things cost there. Since all his other clothes are hand-me-downs and consignment shop finds, can we please hang with you?

And he wore those shoes to watch an amazing parade and to check out the National Museum of Natural History yesterday, which is only 20 minutes from our house.

Love,
DC native

[Anonymous]

here's what we do to combat some of the problems you list:

we rent a small apartment in a very good school district. it's small and it's an apartment, but so far, it's pretty OK. we have one child. we pay the most for rent that we can afford. we walk to school. i can walk to work or take a short bus ride. DH cycles or takes the bus. we don't own a car. we figure it out. we are all over the place on public transport. we zipcar on the weekends. we used to live in NYC, where life is like this for most people all the time, so it seems normal to us.

in short, we are rarely ever sitting in traffic. i think that helps our quality of life immeasurably.