Husband wants to take a huge paycut to join a startup

[Anonymous]

OP, please ignore the miserable jerks insulting you. With three young kids, it’s natural for you to be risk averse and it sounds like you are thinking through things well. I’m a WOHM and wish the absolute best for you. You sound smart and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please ignore the miserable jerks insulting you. With three young kids, it’s natural for you to be risk averse and it sounds like you are thinking through things well. I’m a WOHM and wish the absolute best for you. You sound smart and kind.

Yes she does. Like Bambi wandering around in the jungle clueless and about to get pounced on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

She says it was his idea too and that whenever she offers to go back, he talks her out of it.

I wonder if it makes him feel like a big man to have little wifey at home. What do you want to bet, she’s thin as a rail, has expensive blonde highlights, spends her days at yoga, spin, and Barre, and drives around in a huge white SUV. Just think make the stereotype complete.

The husband is complicit in destroying her life. Ill grant you that.

Woe, people are so extreme on here. On the one hand you have people telling her to STFU and to be grateful, she has no right to even question him, and then your side which says he destroyed her life.

These SAHM posts really do trigger people. It’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s baffling to me why men marry career stay at homes. Its like marrying a homeless person - helpless, passive and naive. I would go gay before I married a career stay at home.

She says it was his idea too and that whenever she offers to go back, he talks her out of it.

I wonder if it makes him feel like a big man to have little wifey at home. What do you want to bet, she’s thin as a rail, has expensive blonde highlights, spends her days at yoga, spin, and Barre, and drives around in a huge white SUV. Just think make the stereotype complete.

The husband is complicit in destroying her life. Ill grant you that.

Woe, people are so extreme on here. On the one hand you have people telling her to STFU and to be grateful, she has no right to even question him, and then your side which says he destroyed her life.

These SAHM posts really do trigger people. It’s insane.

It is really just one or two extremely unhappy people who are prolific posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During my late 20s and throughout my 30s, I worked for three (3) "can't miss" start-ups, going in during the very early stages. I was supposed to have retired before age 40 being that I was one of the first persons riding the telecomm/Internet boom in the mid-90s. Guess what? None of the 3 startups ever went public.... At age 50, still working to recover. Had I just worked for a more established company (or stayed on with my first job) and participated in the stock and 401K offerings, I would have close to $3-5M today. I'm not even close. If your hubby is raking in $600K and with the cash hoard, take it easy and enjoy the finer offerings of life. I think your hubby is going through a phase, perhaps a mid-life crisis. Talk him out of it for your family;s sake!!

Did you work there for enjoyment or for a potential pay-out? My friend's husband left a pre IPO start-up for a smaller, more enjoyable start-up, because it was more appealing to him, leaving behind all but a small percentage of the stock options. Several of his friends did the same. They don't regret it one bit, they really enjoy what they do.

I did it mostly for the $$ but work environment was also important...

[Anonymous]

I KNEW this was going to be a SAHM from the title. Greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I KNEW this was going to be a SAHM from the title. Greedy.

There seems to be a lot of trends where SAHM identify with their DH career. Like Doctors wives giving medical advice, not sure if it is as common when DW had her own career and expertise? But this management of the 'family' job is rife here, like the thread about a DH making partner in 4 years -- why would DW be invited over in that process at that stage at all. Similar to here, DW essentially wants to manage her DH career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I KNEW this was going to be a SAHM from the title. Greedy.

There seems to be a lot of trends where SAHM identify with their DH career. Like Doctors wives giving medical advice, not sure if it is as common when DW had her own career and expertise? But this management of the 'family' job is rife here, like the thread about a DH making partner in 4 years -- why would DW be invited over in that process at that stage at all. Similar to here, DW essentially wants to manage her DH career.

One would hope that if one spouse was going to cut his or her income by 83% that there would be some discussion, regardless of the employment status of the other person. Unless you have some effed up marriage. Which many posters do seem to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I KNEW this was going to be a SAHM from the title. Greedy.

There seems to be a lot of trends where SAHM identify with their DH career. Like Doctors wives giving medical advice, not sure if it is as common when DW had her own career and expertise? But this management of the 'family' job is rife here, like the thread about a DH making partner in 4 years -- why would DW be invited over in that process at that stage at all. Similar to here, DW essentially wants to manage her DH career.

+100. Yet she is no different than the kids in his eyes; simply one more mouth to feed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I KNEW this was going to be a SAHM from the title. Greedy.

There seems to be a lot of trends where SAHM identify with their DH career. Like Doctors wives giving medical advice, not sure if it is as common when DW had her own career and expertise? But this management of the 'family' job is rife here, like the thread about a DH making partner in 4 years -- why would DW be invited over in that process at that stage at all. Similar to here, DW essentially wants to manage her DH career.

+100. Yet she is no different than the kids in his eyes; simply one more mouth to feed.

LOL. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During my late 20s and throughout my 30s, I worked for three (3) "can't miss" start-ups, going in during the very early stages. I was supposed to have retired before age 40 being that I was one of the first persons riding the telecomm/Internet boom in the mid-90s. Guess what? None of the 3 startups ever went public.... At age 50, still working to recover. Had I just worked for a more established company (or stayed on with my first job) and participated in the stock and 401K offerings, I would have close to $3-5M today. I'm not even close. If your hubby is raking in $600K and with the cash hoard, take it easy and enjoy the finer offerings of life. I think your hubby is going through a phase, perhaps a mid-life crisis. Talk him out of it for your family;s sake!!

Did you work there for enjoyment or for a potential pay-out? My friend's husband left a pre IPO start-up for a smaller, more enjoyable start-up, because it was more appealing to him, leaving behind all but a small percentage of the stock options. Several of his friends did the same. They don't regret it one bit, they really enjoy what they do.

I did it mostly for the $$ but work environment was also important...

Sounds like the OP and her husband will be fine regardless of whether the start up pans out or not. Her husband has a skill set that currently earns $600k annually. That means: (a) he has built up a skill set that its in demand, and (b) he has an established professional reputation. This means that very few people - except those who are extremely risk averse (or wish they had the balls to go to a start up) - will look askance at him if the start up fails after 3 years. Additionally, he will be looked at positively by venture capital/private equity firms (if he isn't already) because he has start up experience. It's amazing how many experts have knowledge, but have only worked in large organizations with substantial resources at their disposal to accomplish their daily tasks. Dealing with venture capital/private equity is far different than anyone else. It's a cutthroat business and they expect a return. In some ways, it's not all that different than the mafia and loan sharks.

[Anonymous]

NP. Wow I'm amazed by all the posts putting OP down. You all really wouldn't be worried if your income suddenly fell by 80%? It's normal to be worried about that! I'd be side eyeing her if she wasn't worried. If she wasn't, that would mean she's not paying attention. I don't care how much they have in the bank, no one wants to spend their savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If he has the skills to develop a company, and you trust the team he's joining (no major personality issues), then I say take a leap of faith. You have done the financial prep work to make this risk possible. But you have to take control of the home finances and home front and keep him in line and prop him up. He'll be very busy elsewhere if he's doing it right.

Startup person here. I sold my car and some other stuff and started mine with $25k. Now I make $1mln/year. Anyway, definitely look at the management team he'll be joining at the startup. Sometimes I see people eager to join any startup that comes along, just to do it, but they aren't always the right ones.

It's like a friend I had who came into some money and decided to become an angel investor. He was eager to invest in anything, including industries he had no experience in, just to do something. Those didn't work out so well. (lesson learned: engineers don't know much about the hospitality business)

A 10% stake gives him zero control. You husband needs to make sure how he GETS OUT of the startup. If is his concern is about creating value for others, he's going right back into that. He needs to be very sure how his partners plan on getting out, otherwise he may find himself back in the same spot.

[Anonymous]

I'd be very wary of startups in the DC area. Many more of them look like Living Social than AOL. When you see the Class A office space, the cold brew coffee, and the VC money, you should in general run the other way. Seems like success definition for most startups around here is funding, not exits.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a good time for you to think about what you would do if something happened to your husband and he couldn't work. It doesn't seem like you have kept up your skills or anything like that. Now seems the time to do that.