Wondering if DW is part of some kind of fight club...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs need to lay off the OP. This isn't really about trust; he's concerned for his wife. The woman is gone for 6 hours every week and coming home with bruises on her face and hands. She's offered "workout" and "going out with friends" as the only explanation. So yes, he is absolutely in the right to follow her and see where she's going. She could be doing something dangerous to herself.

OP has confirmed with the gym that she is there for at least 1 hour, but that doesn't explain the other 5 hours or the bruising.

When your spouse has physical injuries and can't explain it, it's time to do some investigating.

I agree with this in theory but I still don't get why he can't just ask her. That speaks to a deeper problems in the relationship. If my husband were coming home at midnight during the week, that would be weird, even more so if he were all bruised. I agree to something is up and OP has the right to be concerned. That said, the relationships off.

I DID talk to her. She gave me a BS answer, which I called out. When pressed she said kind of played the don't worry about me/monitor me card. In a sense, my wife may feel like my current actions are a form of controlling her. Maybe she's right in this instance.

DW sometimes turns inward when something is bothering her. Usually this translates to her being more moody/snarky. Not secretive and weird. We go to marriage counseling as a healthy practice. Have been doing so for 10 years. Never any issues regarding me being controlling. There are many other areas where I can be a douche though. Maybe thats whats sparking her "rebellion." I plan to bring it up at our next appointment.

Ohhhh, there you go! You already have a process through which you can tell her that her explanation is inadequate and ask her why she is withholding information. If she won't tell you there, well, then you know you have a larger problem regardless of what she is doing. Good luck, OP. Hope you guys sort things out.

This is true. However I am not inclined a wait until next month to get my short term questions addressed.

Thanks for your support.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you sound like you are being a control freak. She goes to a class to prepare for a very tough obstacle course and then after that, she catches up with others from the course e.g. over drinks or dinner.

Case closed surely? I can't believe you asked her what they chat about for so long. If my DH wanted to me justify my conversations with new friends I'd be pretty angry.

[Anonymous]

Op you do sound somewhat controlling. Authoritative might be a better word. "Sparking her rebellion"? Sounds like you are talking about a teen-age daughter. She is not "rebelling" against you - you are her partner not her parent.
She is taking a break from taking care of 4 little kids. It's 6 out of 168 hours in a week. She has answered your questions. Give it a rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you sound like you are being a control freak. She goes to a class to prepare for a very tough obstacle course and then after that, she catches up with others from the course e.g. over drinks or dinner.

Case closed surely? I can't believe you asked her what they chat about for so long. If my DH wanted to me justify my conversations with new friends I'd be pretty angry.

Really? He isn't a control freak, just asking basic questions. If I said I went out to lunch that day, it's normal for a spouse to make conversation and ask with whom and where. I'd reply, "Larla and Panera. Had a salad and soup. It was good." What is the big deal? If I didn't answer the question, that would be weird and secretive.

Controlling would be if he said, "no don't eat there" or "don't hang out with Larla". It's not unreasonable to want to know where his spouse was going and with whom. He's not trying to control or get her to stop, just wants a better explanation for the bruises.

[Anonymous]

OP is married to Carrie Mathison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you sound like you are being a control freak. She goes to a class to prepare for a very tough obstacle course and then after that, she catches up with others from the course e.g. over drinks or dinner.

Case closed surely? I can't believe you asked her what they chat about for so long. If my DH wanted to me justify my conversations with new friends I'd be pretty angry.

Really? He isn't a control freak, just asking basic questions. If I said I went out to lunch that day, it's normal for a spouse to make conversation and ask with whom and where. I'd reply, "Larla and Panera. Had a salad and soup. It was good." What is the big deal? If I didn't answer the question, that would be weird and secretive.

Controlling would be if he said, "no don't eat there" or "don't hang out with Larla". It's not unreasonable to want to know where his spouse was going and with whom. He's not trying to control or get her to stop, just wants a better explanation for the bruises.

Yeah, but if I went to lunch with Larla like I'd been going to lunch with her once a week for a while and DH suddenly started grilling me about who was there and where we went and what I ate, I would think it was abrupt and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you sound like you are being a control freak. She goes to a class to prepare for a very tough obstacle course and then after that, she catches up with others from the course e.g. over drinks or dinner.

Case closed surely? I can't believe you asked her what they chat about for so long. If my DH wanted to me justify my conversations with new friends I'd be pretty angry.

Really? He isn't a control freak, just asking basic questions. If I said I went out to lunch that day, it's normal for a spouse to make conversation and ask with whom and where. I'd reply, "Larla and Panera. Had a salad and soup. It was good." What is the big deal? If I didn't answer the question, that would be weird and secretive.

Controlling would be if he said, "no don't eat there" or "don't hang out with Larla". It's not unreasonable to want to know where his spouse was going and with whom. He's not trying to control or get her to stop, just wants a better explanation for the bruises.

Agree with this. Bruises after "triathlon training" is just odd and deserves more of an explanation. I would expect a lot of questions if I came home like that.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM of young children.
I have nights out that I plan, for book club or outings with friends. Sometimes after these events, I feel engergized and 'free' and simply drive around. I've gone to a really late movie by myself now and then, gone for late food, wandered around a 24 hour cvs, or just driven somewhere and sat on my phone for a long time.
I would tell my husband what I did, but we have an expectation of each other that we tell each other what we're doing. It's just how our relationship works.
If she doesn't want to tell you where she's going after her class, don't sweat it. It might be the things I listed above. Maybe she goes to a home of one of her classmates and watches tv or movies. Maybe they all go to somebody's house for a girls night.
I can understand having some personal time and not having to spell it out for my spouse- I don't do that personally, but I sometimes do feel like a married person does give up a lot of independence and secrecy. Especially with so many young kids, she needs some alone time. Alone might mean she wants to keep it to herself.

[Anonymous]

NP here.

DH and I may be super-control freaks to some of the PPs, but there is no way our relationship would work out if one of us came home at midnight after a simple workout session, even without bruises in the wrong places. Add in the bruises, and either one of us would be cornering the other to demand a reasonable explanation.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Have to admit. It's just another one of my fake stories to keep the community on their toes. It worked.

Happy Holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Have to admit. It's just another one of my fake stories to keep the community on their toes. It worked.

Happy Holidays

Dick!!! LOL!!

Excellent premise by the way, it was nice of you to call yourself out, I don't think many do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Have to admit. It's just another one of my fake stories to keep the community on their toes. It worked.

Happy Holidays

Good job! I called it!. I told the best friend story who was into BDSm. which was a true story. Got lambasted tho.

[Anonymous]

Jerk. I read the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Have to admit. It's just another one of my fake stories to keep the community on their toes. It worked.

Happy Holidays

So are you in Philly right now for business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Have to admit. It's just another one of my fake stories to keep the community on their toes. It worked.

Happy Holidays

This was great! A troll thread can be a really enjoyable diversion. Good one.