should i be offended DH has not added me as a beneficiary to his bank accounts? (married w/ kid)

[Anonymous]

If it makes him feel better, put it in terms of planning for the baby’s guardianship in the event something happens to you (ahem) two. Leave everything to a trust and name a trustee. I did the cause I had a lot of life insurance but a rocky marriage. My direction to the trustee is that the trust act as a non custodial parent money wise. So pay for education, medical, food, if necessary some portion of housing. But not sending DH and a new gf to the Bahamas.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should be offended. More than anything, you need to have a guardian named for your child in a will. Do you have that? Financial beneficiaries next. Time to grow up and take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Does his employer knownl he is married? My husband had to sign a document forndomeone else to be made my life insurance or 401k beneficiary.

[Anonymous]

Guy : this is odd. I would ask again and if he says no I would set up trusts for your kid and make sure majority goes to the child.
In addition, because you’re earning significantly more think about a prenup - now. Your marriage has a 50:50 chance of working and it’s better to work on the assumption that it won’t work out for financial planning. Don’t think that being nice about this now means that your spouse will be fair minded when dividing up assets.

[Anonymous]

If you are married, why is there a “his” bank account? It should be a joint account, that should be your starting point.

[Anonymous]

Find an estate lawyer, and make an appt for the two of you. When you get there, tell the lawyer that you have no will, your main concern is what happens in the event that either or BOTH of you die. Tell him what you have done so far, re life insurance and bank accounts, but that your husband has not started estate planning, still has other beneficiaries on his $, named before baby, and that is why you are here. Then let DH explain what he wants to happen, as well as the consequences of his decisions (or failure to make decisions). IF he says, in front of the lawyer, that he wants his $ to go to his family of origin and not his child/wife, make a separate appointment for a divorce lawyer, since that is coming.

[Anonymous]

His money.

/thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His money.

/thread

You're an idiot.

/thread

[Anonymous]

OP, did you sign a prenuptial agreement?

My understanding depending on the state where you live is that there is a spousal elective share and he cannot completely disinherit you and his child but might be able to leave a large part of his estate elsewhere.

Take the emotions out of this and go see an estate planning attorney with him together. Most people are complete idiots when it comes to estate planning so take the advice above from certain posters with a huge grain of salt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His money.

/thread

You're an idiot.

/thread

My money is my money, his money is my money feminist here.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be offended if he's just being lazy about changing the beneficiaries. But as others have suggested, make an appt with an estate planner (which is costly). If he doesn't agree to change the beneficiaries before that meeting (to avoid the cost) or after that meeting, then you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

So someone in his family has access to his bank accounts and not you ? You have separate accounts ? I've never heard of being a beneficiary on a bank account before.

I share banking with my husband on both of our accounts. Also our investment accounts, our house, everything. I do have another money account I have my adult son's name on but he doesn't have the passwords. He will have them when I die though.

As for life insurance, he can do as he pleases I guess. Not much love for you and his child making sure you are taken care of should he die. That would seriously bother me.

My friend's husband died and that mean old SOB she married never put her name on anything. Power of attorney solved that.

[Anonymous]

My money is my money, his money is my money feminist here.

and if he dies and his money goes to his mom and not his child? Also, OP has put him as the beneficiary of her policy and money. If he doesn't want to leave it to his spouse, he should make provisions for the child. Otherwise he is not paying his share of his child's future expenses, just like he would be forced too if they divorced.

[Anonymous]

My money is my money, his money is my money feminist here.



and if he dies and his money goes to his mom and not his child? Also, OP has put him as the beneficiary of her policy and money. If he doesn't want to leave it to his spouse, he should make provisions for the child. Otherwise he is not paying his share of his child's future expenses, just like he would be forced too if they divorced.

and also, at issue here is not 'his money'--for he will be dead! It will either be for her and the kid or someone else. And she is asking whether she should be offended (worried ,etc) that her husband refuses to provide for her and or their child in the event of his death, and the answer is yes. This is not about his money/her money--it is about who he values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "right" way to do it is to have the beneficiary refer to his will (which sounds like he doesn't have). DW isn't beneficiary on my accounts either, it's "Will dated XXX" instead.

Then on there, she's beneficiary and if we both die together, it goes to our kids or a trust depending on their age.

Simple solution is to meet with an estate planner or financial adviser, then it's third-party advice.

Also, you can get a life insurance policy on your husband if you like -- he doesn't have to do it.

I think bank accounts should be joint with right of survivorship, to avoid locking that money up in probate.