What do you think when your child doesn't get into a school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1
Unless the child or you behaved atrociously while visiting, not getting accepted generally comes down to one of two things - (1) a situation like PP describe where the school felt the child would not be successful within the program and supports the school offers or (2) there were simply more qualified kids than spaces and at that point it's just luck of how they put the class together / how many spaces get taken by siblings, alumni, athletes, etc.

+2 OP, if you have to blame someone, remember the old adage that when you point your finger at someone else you always have 3 fingers pointing right back at yourself. Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quite honestly, I blamed 1) Primarily, DC’s lower school for not accurately assessing DC’s social abilities for years and even underestimating DC’s intellectual strength; and 2) blamed ourselves as parents for at times callng the School out on this and those conflicts probably did not make us the most desirable family to recommend. Neither of us had graduated from privates and it took us some time to learn the cultural norms. But yes, the private school DC ended up in turned out great for DC in most ways, and there were many families at the high schools that didn’t accept him that wished their children had DZc’s college placement, so it all worked out.

Mmm, hope you can let all this go by the time your child is out of grad school.

Thank you for you kind and thoughtful words 16:33 .. . . The post above answered OP's question but also explicitly said the school where that DC attended ultimately "turned out great" in most ways that that "it all worked out." Absent dementia, however, these are things people remember -- appropriately -- otherwise they don't learn from them. And to the extent these memories get reflected in giving patterns of alum families, that too is perfectly appropriate -- otherwise, schools as institutions never learn either.

[Anonymous]

My kid got in all the schools to which we applied, so I can't say I know what I think...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid got in all the schools to which we applied, so I can't say I know what I think...

Very valuable contribution to the thread....thanks.

[Anonymous]

DD will attend Frost MS if not accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid got in all the schools to which we applied, so I can't say I know what I think...

Very valuable contribution to the thread....thanks.

Indeed, and an asinine troll ellipses. If my DC doesn't get in, s/he'll go to an Arlington elementary school.

[Anonymous]

I say this every year when responding to this type of question, so forgive me if you have heard it before. DC was not admitted to Beauvoir, Georgetown Day School, or Sidwell Friends School when we applied for Kindergarten. DC had an excellent WPPSI score, was a precocious child, and appeared to do well in all of the playdates.

Why the rejections? Perhaps the schools questioned our ability and desire to sustain a long-term commitment to private school education. Neither DH nor I had family money, both of us had large student debt, and we lived in a modest suburban house, because it was all we could afford at the time. Though our family did not need nor apply for FA, we may not have appeared to have long-term potential.

DC instead attended (from K-8) a wonderful school that would not even be considered a Big 6. They loved the school, and it provided a very strong education. When it came time to apply to high school, DC applied to two of the Big 3 schools, and was admitted to both. (DC was an excellent student, but it may have helped that our family had matured into a successful, well-off position. Who knows? I probably read too much into how such socioeconomic factors influence school decisions.) DC went on to attend H/S.

[Anonymous]

My suspicion: I applied for DS too early. DS did not quite have the maturity the schools wanted to see. He's smart, but he doesn't have a lot of stamina yet, has a summer birthday, and was still adjusting to being a classroom. To boot, he is naturally shy. Overall, he just seemed a lot younger than many other applicants to K.

But -- all's well that ends well. We got a couple of rejections, and a couple of invitations to reapply in a year. DS was admitted to one school. We decided to go ahead and sent him on time to the school that offered admission.

Two things turned out to be true. First, he is almost the youngest in his kindergarten class, and it shows. He is struggling a bit to keep up. So the schools that recommended waiting a year did, in fact, reach reasonable conclusions. Second, we don't regret picking the school that did accept DS. He loves the school, and feels supported and happy, despite being sometimes a bit overwhelmed. That he is being challenged and yet feels happy is worth its weight in gold to me.

It is too glib to say, "things will work out for the best." But to an extent that is true. Schools are trying to find kids that match their programs, so an offer of admission probably does mean a potentially good fit. And nobody wants to discover mid-year that the school is a poor fit. Finding something that works, public or private, is the desirable endgame.

[Anonymous]

I think, oh, too bad. Maybe they didn't think we were a good fit, which, fine--then we probably shouldn't go there. It doesn't mean that we are "to blame" for being who we are.
Or it could just be that it's a numbers game. There is no one to blame for the fact that a lot of kids apply and they can't let all the qualified kids in.

[Anonymous]

I think, at least we gave it a shot.

We applied for K for both students and really just tried to put our best foot forward. We didn't have a first choice so didn't bother the board members/trustees we knew. I guess we could have gotten more aggressive there. Everything worked out fine, and we had some difficult choices come March.

And ultimately our public was a decent option, just more work for us to stay on top of MCPS curriculum holes.

[Anonymous]

I had one kid not get into a school where two other siblings went. Going into the process, we really weren't sure it would have been a good fit for her, but had she gotten in, I do wonder if we would have just gone with it for the sake of ease to have them at the same place. Now that we're well past that decision, we are so happy about where she ended up (she only applied to two schools - so she went to the other one). DH and I feel that the school was pretty perceptive to take two of our kids who are thriving and realize that the other might not do as well there.

So frankly we came away from overall process very impressed with the detailed look all our kids got from the Admissions Committee and how they really did look at each as individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this every year when responding to this type of question, so forgive me if you have heard it before. DC was not admitted to Beauvoir, Georgetown Day School, or Sidwell Friends School when we applied for Kindergarten. DC had an excellent WPPSI score, was a precocious child, and appeared to do well in all of the playdates.

Why the rejections? Perhaps the schools questioned our ability and desire to sustain a long-term commitment to private school education. Neither DH nor I had family money, both of us had large student debt, and we lived in a modest suburban house, because it was all we could afford at the time. Though our family did not need nor apply for FA, we may not have appeared to have long-term potential.

DC instead attended (from K-8) a wonderful school that would not even be considered a Big 6. They loved the school, and it provided a very strong education. When it came time to apply to high school, DC applied to two of the Big 3 schools, and was admitted to both. (DC was an excellent student, but it may have helped that our family had matured into a successful, well-off position. Who knows? I probably read too much into how such socioeconomic factors influence school decisions.) DC went on to attend H/S.

Sorry, but if you didn't apply for financial aid, the schools wouldn't have known about your family money or student debt. They would have had your address, but I seriously doubt that they made these assumptions about a potential full-pay family based on your neighborhood. Guessing it was something else, but glad it turned out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this every year when responding to this type of question, so forgive me if you have heard it before. DC was not admitted to Beauvoir, Georgetown Day School, or Sidwell Friends School when we applied for Kindergarten. DC had an excellent WPPSI score, was a precocious child, and appeared to do well in all of the playdates.

Why the rejections? Perhaps the schools questioned our ability and desire to sustain a long-term commitment to private school education. Neither DH nor I had family money, both of us had large student debt, and we lived in a modest suburban house, because it was all we could afford at the time. Though our family did not need nor apply for FA, we may not have appeared to have long-term potential.

DC instead attended (from K-8) a wonderful school that would not even be considered a Big 6. They loved the school, and it provided a very strong education. When it came time to apply to high school, DC applied to two of the Big 3 schools, and was admitted to both. (DC was an excellent student, but it may have helped that our family had matured into a successful, well-off position. Who knows? I probably read too much into how such socioeconomic factors influence school decisions.) DC went on to attend H/S.

Sorry, but if you didn't apply for financial aid, the schools wouldn't have known about your family money or student debt. They would have had your address, but I seriously doubt that they made these assumptions about a potential full-pay family based on your neighborhood. Guessing it was something else, but glad it turned out well.

The schools could certainly see from our application that I worked in an entry level position for the government, and my spouse was in an entry level position in his practice. Our address would have reflected a very modest address in a far suburb. And our lack of a current family's letter of recommendation, or good word, put in through the school network would have reflected a lack of connections in the community. I had two pairs of well-worn professional heels, and only one daily purse, all purchased at Macy's, which I wore to accompany DC to all the visit days.

You may be correct, as I conceded in the first post, that the socioeconomic signs we projected bore no implications on the admissions decisions. However, having subsequently served on a number of school, nonprofit, and/or corporate boards, my spouse and I have become more educated, and are less naive, about certain matters. You may be surprised by how often people make judgments about suitability, based merely on apperances, or easily ascertainable measures of wealth or standing. I wish it were not so.

As DC was subsequently admitted for high school to every school they applied to, by which time our socio-economic status, signs of wealth (address, cars, attire, donation history to various organizations), and career accomplishments had changed considerably, I do wonder -- in response to questions like the OP's, posted on the Private Schools forum every year. My message to stressed out parents, do not become discouraged by a number of rejections. The children who are turned down by all of the "big" schools will find happiness and an excellent education at the school that is right for them. And some of those students will end up at Harvard, Stanford, or other excellent universities (of which there are many). In fact, DC's early experience taught me never to judge a person by where they went to school, not even at the university or graduate school level. Some of the most extraordinary people come from rather ordinary backgrounds and places.

[Anonymous]

That there were too many kids for too few slots, so that’s why they went with the rich and connected kid we know who had much lower stats than DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this every year when responding to this type of question, so forgive me if you have heard it before. DC was not admitted to Beauvoir, Georgetown Day School, or Sidwell Friends School when we applied for Kindergarten. DC had an excellent WPPSI score, was a precocious child, and appeared to do well in all of the playdates.

Why the rejections? Perhaps the schools questioned our ability and desire to sustain a long-term commitment to private school education. Neither DH nor I had family money, both of us had large student debt, and we lived in a modest suburban house, because it was all we could afford at the time. Though our family did not need nor apply for FA, we may not have appeared to have long-term potential.

DC instead attended (from K-8) a wonderful school that would not even be considered a Big 6. They loved the school, and it provided a very strong education. When it came time to apply to high school, DC applied to two of the Big 3 schools, and was admitted to both. (DC was an excellent student, but it may have helped that our family had matured into a successful, well-off position. Who knows? I probably read too much into how such socioeconomic factors influence school decisions.) DC went on to attend H/S.

Sorry, but if you didn't apply for financial aid, the schools wouldn't have known about your family money or student debt. They would have had your address, but I seriously doubt that they made these assumptions about a potential full-pay family based on your neighborhood. Guessing it was something else, but glad it turned out well.

The schools could certainly see from our application that I worked in an entry level position for the government, and my spouse was in an entry level position in his practice. Our address would have reflected a very modest address in a far suburb. And our lack of a current family's letter of recommendation, or good word, put in through the school network would have reflected a lack of connections in the community. I had two pairs of well-worn professional heels, and only one daily purse, all purchased at Macy's, which I wore to accompany DC to all the visit days.

You may be correct, as I conceded in the first post, that the socioeconomic signs we projected bore no implications on the admissions decisions. However, having subsequently served on a number of school, nonprofit, and/or corporate boards, my spouse and I have become more educated, and are less naive, about certain matters. You may be surprised by how often people make judgments about suitability, based merely on apperances, or easily ascertainable measures of wealth or standing. I wish it were not so.

As DC was subsequently admitted for high school to every school they applied to, by which time our socio-economic status, signs of wealth (address, cars, attire, donation history to various organizations), and career accomplishments had changed considerably, I do wonder -- in response to questions like the OP's, posted on the Private Schools forum every year. My message to stressed out parents, do not become discouraged by a number of rejections. The children who are turned down by all of the "big" schools will find happiness and an excellent education at the school that is right for them. And some of those students will end up at Harvard, Stanford, or other excellent universities (of which there are many). In fact, DC's early experience taught me never to judge a person by where they went to school, not even at the university or graduate school level. Some of the most extraordinary people come from rather ordinary backgrounds and places.

Or maybe they just didn't like your kid.