Going on a date in a few hours, help!

[Anonymous]

Awwww OP! how long has it been since divorce?

[Anonymous]

The handshake thing is weird for the end of a date.....I mean, a half hug is better than nothing, which is why the guy probably should have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. It was ok, but I think my bad nerves turned him off. He could tell I was nervous. He told me about himself, he asked about me. He kept telling me to relax. I didn't tell him it was my first date in years. He told me what his interests are and what he looks for in women. I'm the complete opposite of that. At the end of the date he walked me to my car and gave me a handshake, not a hug, a handshake. He said he'll call, but I don't think he will. I guess I'm still not ready to date yet.

If you want to get to know him better, the thing to do is to contact him. Apologize for the nerves. You can let him know it is your first post-divorce date. Oh, and if you really suck like you said in an earlier post, let him know. He will probably like that.

Since you said you are the opposite of what he is looking for, not sure that it makes sense for you to follow-up. So nerves aside, it may not have been a match anyway. As for relaxing more on the next date, I think having something to do might help. I didn't think of it earlier but doesn't Stanford Grill have pool tables and some sort of video (like Wii) games? Having something interactive (and hopefully fun) that doesn't require conversation the whole time might help.

Oh and your ex is a douche. Don't let him get in your head. Unless he has discovered the fountain of youth we all get older and don't look the same. What's amazing to me is those couple that have been together 50 years and are still in love. Yes, he was handsome is his uniform and you see grandma was a "stone cold fox" (I think that's the phrase I've heard) and over the years thy have weathered many ups and downs but still managed to stay together and really are each other's family and rock. You want someone that will love you like that and that you can love like that. Sadly your ex was not the man for the job. I see that as a reflection on him, not you. You can own whatever part of the relationship behavior with your ex that you think would follow you into another relationship, like if you picked someone that didn't have the same values, didn't stand up for yourself, didn't communicate well, was quick to anger, didn't compromise, didn't make time on your own for your SO. That doesn't mean any of those things would have saved the marriage, but it's one of those maturity/lessons learned of how you want to go forward to increase the chances of the next one being successful. Don't take on his selfishness and immaturity as a reflection of you, and don't cast them onto the next guy assuming he will be like your ex. Okay, officially of my soap box and my "I am women, hear me roar". Wishing you the best in dating. It's hard for everyone but it's important to keep being confident, fun, and yourself.

[Anonymous]

On to the next one OP!
This guy doesn't sound that awesome to me, lacking in people skills) you don't tell a nervous person to relax.
Next date tips I think it's okay to let your date know that you are divorced and are just getting back on the scene no need to go into more info than that.
I also suggest an activity for first date.
It' easier for people to relax when they are doing something, mini golf, bowling , trivia night, paint & vino, a cooking class. I've had great first dates at the zoo and rock climbing too.
Then if you hit it off during the date you can grab a bite to eat after, or make dinner your second date.
Keep your options open, don't build up the date to be more than it is ( meeting someone new) do not think of it as meeting husband # 2. Date often the more you do it the easier it becomes . Join a site.
I might skip on friends having you set you up because that tends to come with added pressure, You don't need added pressure right now.

Another suggestion join a group activity you like that will have men it's a great way to meet friends and build confidence.

Good luck! Rooting for you sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On to the next one OP!
This guy doesn't sound that awesome to me, lacking in people skills) you don't tell a nervous person to relax.
Next date tips I think it's okay to let your date know that you are divorced and are just getting back on the scene no need to go into more info than that.
I also suggest an activity for first date.
It' easier for people to relax when they are doing something, mini golf, bowling , trivia night, paint & vino, a cooking class. I've had great first dates at the zoo and rock climbing too.
Then if you hit it off during the date you can grab a bite to eat after, or make dinner your second date.
Keep your options open, don't build up the date to be more than it is ( meeting someone new) do not think of it as meeting husband # 2. Date often the more you do it the easier it becomes . Join a site.
I might skip on friends having you set you up because that tends to come with added pressure, You don't need added pressure right now.

Another suggestion join a group activity you like that will have men it's a great way to meet friends and build confidence.

Good luck! Rooting for you sister!

+1. All good advice. I'm married with kids and thinking some of these activities might be cool for a date day/night to have something other than dinner and a movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awwww OP! how long has it been since divorce?

4 years.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of mini golf or bowling. I think dinner is to intimate and nerve wrecking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the idea of mini golf or bowling. I think dinner is to intimate and nerve wrecking.

I agree, plus those two activities are fun and you can do something casual after.

OP: first of, I guarantee HE was nervous also. Whether you are George Clooney or a schlubb, it's human nature to be nervous. Look at the evening like, "went on a date for the first time in a while, looked nice, had a good conversation, and the next time I will be more calm". The right guy will look at your nervousness as being cute and will not even be concerned about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the idea of mini golf or bowling. I think dinner is to intimate and nerve wrecking.

I second that idea....both of those are causal, creates for a little competition, but doesn't force one to get 100% dressed up.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who started dating again after being widowed and she swore by just meeting for coffee. Only a snall fraction of those ever turned into dinner or a date.

[Anonymous]

After the last date I was on I would've preferred no contact while saying goodbye vs. the awkward hug and kiss. So awkward.

OP you did it! It will get easier. The suggestions above are all great. Nervousness is normal and good IMO and acknowledging it to your date might help. Don't be discouraged. You took a big step going in spite of the nerves. Celebrate that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After the last date I was on I would've preferred no contact while saying goodbye vs. the awkward hug and kiss. So awkward.

OP you did it! It will get easier. The suggestions above are all great. Nervousness is normal and good IMO and acknowledging it to your date might help. Don't be discouraged. You took a big step going in spite of the nerves. Celebrate that!

That's true, I just feel guilty that I blew it so badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who started dating again after being widowed and she swore by just meeting for coffee. Only a snall fraction of those ever turned into dinner or a date.

Dating is a numbers game, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After the last date I was on I would've preferred no contact while saying goodbye vs. the awkward hug and kiss. So awkward.

OP you did it! It will get easier. The suggestions above are all great. Nervousness is normal and good IMO and acknowledging it to your date might help. Don't be discouraged. You took a big step going in spite of the nerves. Celebrate that!

That's true, I just feel guilty that I blew it so badly.

It doesn't sound like you blew it. It sounds like it just wasn't a good fit. The fastest way to make me tense up is to tell me to relax. He sounds like he's lacking in some basic people skills. Don't worry about him anymore. You've taken the hardest step. It'll get easier and easier as you go along. You've gotten a lot of good advice. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm sorry it didn't work out but use it as a learning experience. What worked for you, what didn't? Please don't crawl into a shell.