How to become more likeable

[Anonymous]

I have difficulty with the young sahm crowd in our area because when people find out my education level/job before kids they look for something less intimidating. However, I do get along better with older moms. Perhaps you're looking for wrong types of friends.

[Anonymous]

Be honest op. Are you very smart, educated, pretty, thin, or articulate? Wondering if people are intimidated by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have difficulty with the young sahm crowd in our area because when people find out my education level/job before kids they look for something less intimidating. However, I do get along better with older moms. Perhaps you're looking for wrong types of friends.

You cannot be serious.

[Anonymous]

I think you are so self conscious about this it is apparent to others and makes them uncomfortable. Try to get out of your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a married, SAHM, and I feel like I am not very likeable (I have always felt that way, starting in college). Prior to college I felt very likeable--always had tons of friends in middle and high school, lots of close friends. I've always had success dating, but always struggled to make female friends.

I feel like I know how to be a good friend. I show genuine interest in others, ask them about themselves, remember things they've mentioned before and ask them about it, invite people to do things, accept invitations, offer to help others without being asked, etc.

An example of how I don't feel likeable is at work. I worked full-time pre-baby, and at my last job I noticed that even though I would stop by others' offices to say hi and chat briefly, people would rarely stop by my office to chat. At lunch, people would invite others to eat with them, but I would rarely get invited. Co-workers never invited me to do anything with them outside of work (I didn't invite them to do anything outside of work because I sensed they had no interest in doing so). My boss would often stop by his favorite employees' offices to chat, he never did that once with me. He had his favorite employees, both male and female, and would show extreme favoritism towards them. With me, he barely looked me in the eye when speaking to me.

I'm a nice person. I'm not sure why people don't tend to like me. I never get invitations to do anything, whether it's a BBQ or getting together for dinner. I invite people to do things often. I have never been invited to a wedding or a baby shower. How can I become more likeable?

I consider myself very outgoing, I love to talk to new people, and I am always the type to mix and mingle at a cocktail party. However, at the same time I am more of a serious type and not very bubbly. I also have a harsh look--when I'm not smiling I look unhappy/upset (something I've always been very self-conscious about) and I wonder if that is a big part of why I'm not likeable, but I work hard to overcompensate for that. However, a co-worker once made a comment that my face shows very little expression (which is true because I'm more reserved) and I think people don't like me because of that.

What can I do? I want to change.

Could it simply be that this area doesn't treat you well? People here are pretty nasty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have difficulty with the young sahm crowd in our area because when people find out my education level/job before kids they look for something less intimidating. However, I do get along better with older moms. Perhaps you're looking for wrong types of friends.

Nope, that's not it. That's never it. "People are intimidated by me because I'm too successful [too beautiful] [too whatever]" is never true.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you're overwhelming and that's what people are shying away from?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have the same problem. I see other people, less complex, simpler people, underachieving people get invited to a lot more things.

I think I'm complex and may come across as snobbish and very serious. I just don't hang out with anyone - I have my preferences. I don't participate in stupid evens like baby showers for people I personally don't know, but other people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have the same problem. I see other people, less complex, simpler people, underachieving people get invited to a lot more things.

I think I'm complex and may come across as snobbish and very serious. I just don't hang out with anyone - I have my preferences. I don't participate in stupid evens like baby showers for people I personally don't know, but other people do.

L.O.L.

I'm so glad that my simpler, less complex friends have each other! Ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have the same problem. I see other people, less complex, simpler people, underachieving people get invited to a lot more things.

I think I'm complex and may come across as snobbish and very serious. I just don't hang out with anyone - I have my preferences. I don't participate in stupid evens like baby showers for people I personally don't know, but other people do.

L.O.L.

I'm so glad that my simpler, less complex friends have each other! Ha.

I meant, I'm so glad that my simpler, less complex friends and I have each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I meant, I'm so glad that my simpler, less complex friends and I have each other.

Me too.

There is an abundance of women who have no ambition or interests, who don't read, just watch TV, they're not working and are housewives. They find each other pretty likable.

It's a lot harder to find women friends that have interests, are intellectually challenging and educated. You know, the ones who read books and watch documentaries, and enjoy meaningful activities in their spare time, the ones you have something to talk about other than your child's diapers. That's what I'm talking about.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've noticed over the years that, given equally pleasant, friendly, nice people, the more likeable ones have a resting facial expression that people see as positive. You can be the nicest person in the world, but if you have bitchy resting face, people will have trouble getting past it. Time and gravity will make it even worse.

Get in front of the mirror and practice holding your face in an expression with the corners of your mouth slightly turned up. Feel what that is, and then get in the habit of doing that with your face until it becomes natural. You'll never overcome the natural seriousness of your demeanor, but I've found it helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have difficulty with the young sahm crowd in our area because when people find out my education level/job before kids they look for something less intimidating. However, I do get along better with older moms. Perhaps you're looking for wrong types of friends.

Nope, that's not it. That's never it. "People are intimidated by me because I'm too successful [too beautiful] [too whatever]" is never true.

Agree completely.

OP, I think I'm pretty well-liked. A few easy tips:
- Be friendly. Smile, say hello, ask genuinely how people are doing and wait for an answer. Listen and make eye contact.
- Be interested. Don't seem distracted or too busy. Ask questions.
- Be kind. If someone is struggling with a door or package or something, offer to help. When they say thanks, make a joke - "we've all been there!" or something like that.

So easy yet so many people don't do these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I meant, I'm so glad that my simpler, less complex friends and I have each other.

Me too.

There is an abundance of women who have no ambition or interests, who don't read, just watch TV, they're not working and are housewives. They find each other pretty likable.

It's a lot harder to find women friends that have interests, are intellectually challenging and educated. You know, the ones who read books and watch documentaries, and enjoy meaningful activities in their spare time, the ones you have something to talk about other than your child's diapers. That's what I'm talking about.

Nope. It's not harder to find those people at all; it's only hard if you're a jerk.

I don't have one single friend who doesn't read and have other interesting hobbies. Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Two of the most popular women in my community are blond, very laid back and non-threatening to others. Neither has a high-powered career, neither is very busy. They just project fun, not haste or anxiety.