Does your close friend often tell you about the play dates her kids are having?

[Anonymous]

Pp here, I host at least once a week and have groups ie school, street, mat leave, work, and faith based. I don't think she should have to invite u to everything.

[Anonymous]

But I think the OP's point is that she invites the friend (who always accepts), and the friend doesn't ever invite her. So it's all one-sided.

[Anonymous]

If I had to guess, I would say her child does not like your child.

Since you asked. Maybe it will change later.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you suggest initiating an alternating regular playdate between your kids?

There is another family we are close with, and the other mom is gracious about suggesting we join them when they are having playdates. But I only have one child, and she has two. There are times when I want my child to develop her ability to play with one other kid, have a higher-quality and more intimate play experience than just being in a chaotic throng, and strengthen her other friendships. Also, my friend's two kids are a little high-maintenance, and having everyone at the house is more chaos and more work for me than I am sometimes interested in.

OP, do you and your child help clean up at the end of the playdate when you're at your friend's house? Does your child demand snacks and other things? (I have a friend whose kids will announce to me what they want to eat the minute they walk in the door; it's annoying.) Is there a gender difference or income disparity or something else that might explain your friend's failure to invite you over?

[Anonymous]

"Kelly, why are you always telling me about your playdates but not inviting Ava to them? I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but it kind of comes across like bragging."

If she's a good friend, raise the issue. If she's a good friend she'll either start inviting Ava over or stop talking about her playdates all the time. If she's a shitty friend, she'll accuse you of being jealous or deny she's doing it at all.

[Anonymous]

Thanks 22:10 and :01- both food for thought!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you suggest initiating an alternating regular playdate between your kids?

There is another family we are close with, and the other mom is gracious about suggesting we join them when they are having playdates. But I only have one child, and she has two. There are times when I want my child to develop her ability to play with one other kid, have a higher-quality and more intimate play experience than just being in a chaotic throng, and strengthen her other friendships. Also, my friend's two kids are a little high-maintenance, and having everyone at the house is more chaos and more work for me than I am sometimes interested in.

OP, do you and your child help clean up at the end of the playdate when you're at your friend's house? Does your child demand snacks and other things? (I have a friend whose kids will announce to me what they want to eat the minute they walk in the door; it's annoying.) Is there a gender difference or income disparity or something else that might explain your friend's failure to invite you over?

Income disparity? Geez - if it's that them good riddance.

[Anonymous]

Bet she was a queen bee in HS and loves the drama.

[Anonymous]

I'll admit that I don't invite my good friend for play dates because I don't particularly like her child. He's always scaring or pranking my children and they don't like it.

[Anonymous]

OP how old are the children?

As my children get older (6 and 9) it just gets more awkward. The kids may played together just fine as preschoolers but now they want to choose their own playmates.

I just have to realize now I have friends, and my children have friends and they may not overlap anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll admit that I don't invite my good friend for play dates because I don't particularly like her child. He's always scaring or pranking my children and they don't like it.

+1. My best friend's 6 yo son is rough and uninteresting (only plays video games) so my son just don't want to play with him.

[Anonymous]

ITA about the demanding child friend. It gets really tiresome. It feels very much like babysitting, which, after a certain age, no one wants to sign up for voluntarily, without pay.

I mean really, for friends raised their kids, right? If they wanted more kids wouldn't they have them themselves? Maybe your friend is a wonderful mom, but it doesn't mean she wants to take on everyone else's kids.

I had a friend like this, actually both - one a taker and one a giver. Guess who had enough, very quickly? When the taking was cut off, the friendship was pretty much over, for obvious reasons.

Don't assume just because the kids are the same age that they get along and should be forced to spend time together, OP. Your children need separate playdates and separate friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, why not have play dates for your kids (not with this friend) and then you can tell friend about them?

[Anonymous]

"Kelly, why are you always telling me about your playdates but not inviting Ava to them? I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but it kind of comes across like bragging."

I would leave out the part in bold for sure. Personally, I don't have more than one kid over for play dates at a time - too much work for me, too much conflict between the kids. But I also don't make a point of talking about play dates with people who didn't attend them. What on earth is there to say that could be of any interest?

[Anonymous]

My friend completely ghosted me and I had no idea why. We didn’t talk for 6 months and then we mended things, but I just found out years later she had a problem with me telling her about play dates my kids were having with other kids and that was the reason she ghosted me. I had no idea I was even doing this as it wasn’t meant to be hurtful at all and was just telling her everything going on in my life because I considered her so close. If someone is doing this and it bothers you, tell them, they probably don’t know they are doing it. It’s rooted in insecurity but still, its best to tell the person so they are aware and they can stop.