How to help sister (without losing my mind)

[Anonymous]

14:09, OP here. You are correct in the fact that I didn't have to go to her side in July- but my sister asked for me to be come. So I did. I'm not interested in being the "good" daughter but I am also very close with my parents (talk every day kind of thing). She is obviously the topic of conversation often and I can't very well say, "I don't want to hear about your day with Larla and Lonny, Mom. I don't care how tough it is for you to watch big sis not be able to get it together so please don't talk to me about it". It's just hard being everyone's outlet for this. But many other posters have it right, it's not black and white here. I'll muddle through the best I can while trying to form more appropriate boundaries going forward.

[Anonymous]

Take care of yourself. Rally your parents. Rally your friends. Accept your sister is not someone you can lean on. Stop comparing how much you get to how much she gets from your parents. Take pride in your self-sufficientness.


OP here again. THIS. THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED. I have to get past the fact that my nieces/nephews are closer with my parents than my DD because when it comes down to it, THEY need them. My DD will love them but it will be a different dynamic and that's ok. And yeah, sometimes I'm petty. It's hard to sometimes get up and go to work and pay the nanny while she sits on her ass and has my parents pay her mortgage- that I will admit Gotta get over it though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here again. THIS. THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED. I have to get past the fact that my nieces/nephews are closer with my parents than my DD because when it comes down to it, THEY need them. My DD will love them but it will be a different dynamic and that's ok. And yeah, sometimes I'm petty. It's hard to sometimes get up and go to work and pay the nanny while she sits on her ass and has my parents pay her mortgage- that I will admit Gotta get over it though!

Honestly, would you switch places with your sister if you could? I doubt it. Once you accept that her life, despite its occasional perks, is not one you'd like to lead, it will be easier to let all these things go.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to be so blunt about your situation OP, but you + your parents are being Enablers toward your sister.
By bailing her out all the time, you all are not doing her any favors.

She is learning from your family that when times are tough, she can always cry to Mommy, Daddy or Lil' Sis and they will come running to rescue her. She is not learning to be accountable at all for any of her actions in life and thinks there is always going to be a safety net especially waiting just for her.

As hard as it may be to do, I strongly suggest that Yes, you practice "Tough Love." To the maximum.

Your sister is very immature, spoiled and selfish.
She needs to learn that in life we all ARE accountable for our actions. No one gets a free pass just because they think they deserve one.

Your parents need to cut themselves off from her as do you.

If she gets angry at the family and refuses to speak to you all, then do not let her blackmail you into changing your minds. She may even threaten to prevent you all from having any type of relationship w/her children unless you help her. If that is the case, do not give in to her demands.

Let her know that you are sorry for her situation, but that you have your own life to live and your own issues to deal w/. and that she needs to learn how to deal w/her life the same way that you and everyone else has to.
Tell her that you love her and that this has nothing to do w/love.

You just need to focus on your own life a little more now.

As do your parents.

Good luck. Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Umm, Hello, Sis, You are Mom and Dad are not enabling me. I am not a hot mess. I really resent you posting all of this information on DCUM. You know I read this forum. My boyfriend and I are going to be fine so don't worry about me. And stop talking trash about me too. You are just jealous that I am so rich and pretty.

[Anonymous]

^^ I thought that might be the case. Usually the sister has "something" that causes men to give her money. OP, there is not a lot you can do about it. Kind of a dependent type person.

[Anonymous]

OP, my family dynamics are similar to yours. I think the most important thing is that you have to keep reminding yourself that the inequality is NOT a reflection of your worth or lack thereof. I know it really becomes hard not to "go there" when the pattern has repeated for years and years. Somehow we just have to keep our heads up, though. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ I thought that might be the case. Usually the sister has "something" that causes men to give her money. OP, there is not a lot you can do about it. Kind of a dependent type person.

probably she's hot and, hate to say it, but she probably puts out fast and easy and often

[Anonymous]

She's weak. You are strong. Who would you rather be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's weak. You are strong. Who would you rather be?

You know what, I hate this argument. Of course she doesn't want to be weak. that doesn't mean she forfeits her right to be treated respectfully.