Concerned about a friend's mental health but should I not be concerned?
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Anonymous
Sit down and tell her you're concerned about her and as this has gone on several times it occurs to you that one of the reasons for her behavior is that she may have a problem with an addictive substance or an eating disorder (bulimia causes this pattern as well, btw). Let her know that you are there for her and you are not trying to pass judgment but you are concerned and you want to help. |
Anonymous
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OP here, our mutual friend is closer to both her and her husband now that they have moved forward from the MOH incident which happened last Fall right before our Baptism situation.
Now that our relationship is so awkward, I see both friends about once a month as our mutual friend plays host to a weekend lunch. Lately, she has had us over for different celebrations, so I have seen her more frequently. Additionally, I do see the friend in question in the grocery store or running errands in our neighborhood. I have wondered if she is trying to end our friendship but I really can't tell if she is pretending to not recognize me when we are not meeting at our mutual friend's house or not. This is what confuses me, after all of these years to suddenly become this way. |
Anonymous
Thank you, this is a great help. |
Anonymous
| While rare, Alzheimers can appear in a younger adult, as can many neurological disorders typically associated with aging, ie. Parkinson's Disease. |
Anonymous
| Also schizo-affective disorder or full blown schizophrenia would cause the symptoms you describe. The failure to notice you strikes me right away as a symptom--she sees you alright--she may just not be able to process emotionally that you are there. |
Anonymous
That's explain the "not wanting to talk to you outside this mutual friend's house" but the "ditching the actual wedding" and "ditching OP's kid's baptism" are pretty serious breaches there, IMO, that go beyond garden-variety "moving apart" concerns. |
Anonymous
My other side of the family has a history of Parkinson's and one of the uncles developed Parkinson's-like symptoms by 30. They didn't diagnose it as Parkinson's because it is so rare in younger people and manifested itself differently than it does in older people. He definitely has a brain disease that resembles Parkinson's so its possible. |
Anonymous
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FWIW: My mentally ill mother does the same thing:
didn't come to doctoral graduation didn't come to wedding; called crying during the ceremony leaving v/m on hotel phone does not "recognize me" her DAUGHTER when she sees me out of place...like at grocery store. Mom will admit to social anxiety disorder and given the amount of time she spends in bed, I think depression can be easily added but I strongly suspect some sort of delusional disorder. I know my mom does not abuse drugs but does over eat. (she's morbidly obese...5ft 5 in, 400lbs). |
Anonymous
| I agree - she is prolly schizo or early dementia (I have seen it start in the 30s before). If you don't know any of her close friends or family (other than the 1 mutual friend), I say just end the friendship (but don't tell her that - just fade out). Her husband will handle things in his own time. |
Anonymous
What a lovely, caring person you are. |
Anonymous
| OP here - If it is a schizophrenia related disorder, would it have been triggered by the recent life events? Has anyone had a friend with a disorder of this sort and how do you manage your friendship? |
Anonymous
| Schizophrenia is not triggered by life events. Furthermore, it's extremely rare that it comes on in one's 30s. And what you are describing does not sound like schizophrenia except, frankly, to a layperson or a Lifetime movie. |
Anonymous
| If this were a dear friend of mine I would invite her out for coffee and telk her what i've observed and that I'm concerned about her. I would not bring up addiction or an eating disorder - I would listen to what she has to say. |
Anonymous
| Does she have children? This sounds like it would be very concerning behavior for someone who has charge of caring for children. I would probably talk to her and ALSO talk to her husband. If she is experiencing a deep depression or the early stages of a neurological disorder talking to her alone would not be enough of an intervention. She may not be in a position to handle this situation herself. I would want a friend to tell my husband if she noticed a significant change in my behavior or that I seemed unable to recognize and attend to things in my environment. |
Anonymous
| If her behavior is as extreme as you describe, I'm a bit confused as to why you do not talk to mutual friend about it, or why you do not just call/get together with your friend who has been like a sister to you to talk about what has been going on. |