2nd thoughts about screening tests

[Anonymous]

"Well you know, I gave an honest reply as well. We all get to express our opinions, and mine is certainly as valid as yours. The great thing about this forum is that we get to admit those things which we have the decency to refrain from saying to someone face-to-face."

No. This is not how the Internet actually works -- believe it or not, different forums have different cultures. It's not actually ok to say whatever you want to say on all forums. DC Urbanmoms is lightly moderated, so it's hard to really instill the culture I would like to see here, but I do believe that when it comes to the threads on prenatal screening the standard we have here is to lay off the self-righteousness (or get flamed, as you properly were here). The OP didn't want your opinion on termination; the OP wanted to discuss the ambiguities of her situation. You're not welcome here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well you know, I gave an honest reply as well. We all get to express our opinions, and mine is certainly as valid as yours. The great thing about this forum is that we get to admit those things which we have the decency to refrain from saying to someone face-to-face. Wouldn't you rather know what people are really thinking, especially in an anonymous forum? Yes, in real life I can be kind to women who do any number of things which I disagree with, but no amount of name-calling is going to make me believe those choices are good.

NP here. Is this really a "great" thing? Sometimes I wish a little more common decency existed on this anonymous forum. If anything, this site has helped me realize that I don't want to know what a lot of you are thinking, because under the cloak of anonymity, some of you are clearly bat-sh*t crazy. The rest of you, though, give some great advice and recommendations, which is why I come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Well you know, I gave an honest reply as well. We all get to express our opinions, and mine is certainly as valid as yours. The great thing about this forum is that we get to admit those things which we have the decency to refrain from saying to someone face-to-face."

No. This is not how the Internet actually works -- believe it or not, different forums have different cultures. It's not actually ok to say whatever you want to say on all forums. DC Urbanmoms is lightly moderated, so it's hard to really instill the culture I would like to see here, but I do believe that when it comes to the threads on prenatal screening the standard we have here is to lay off the self-righteousness (or get flamed, as you properly were here). The OP didn't want your opinion on termination; the OP wanted to discuss the ambiguities of her situation. You're not welcome here.

Oh, I see, the actual question of whether or not to terminate a (potentially) handicapped child doesn't have anything to do with the OPs concerns. What a dummy I am, I guess I really read into her post something that simply wasn't there.

Listen, if OP wants to do what that other woman did a few weeks back, and ask Jeff to remove my posts, then fair enough. But no one else gets to judge who is "not welcome" here. But honestly, mine is just one more opinion in the sea of many. YOU are the one turning this into a debate, and taking everyone off the topic at hand.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I regret engaging the troll. Note to self -- do not do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Well you know, I gave an honest reply as well. We all get to express our opinions, and mine is certainly as valid as yours. The great thing about this forum is that we get to admit those things which we have the decency to refrain from saying to someone face-to-face."

No. This is not how the Internet actually works -- believe it or not, different forums have different cultures. It's not actually ok to say whatever you want to say on all forums. DC Urbanmoms is lightly moderated, so it's hard to really instill the culture I would like to see here, but I do believe that when it comes to the threads on prenatal screening the standard we have here is to lay off the self-righteousness (or get flamed, as you properly were here). The OP didn't want your opinion on termination; the OP wanted to discuss the ambiguities of her situation. You're not welcome here.

Oh, I see, the actual question of whether or not to terminate a (potentially) handicapped child doesn't have anything to do with the OPs concerns. What a dummy I am, I guess I really read into her post something that simply wasn't there.

Listen, if OP wants to do what that other woman did a few weeks back, and ask Jeff to remove my posts, then fair enough. But no one else gets to judge who is "not welcome" here. But honestly, mine is just one more opinion in the sea of many. YOU are the one turning this into a debate, and taking everyone off the topic at hand.

This is 22:39. You do have a right to your opinion. It doesn't bother me, I am comfortable with my decision and receiving judgment from a stranger on an anonymous post does not bother me. You do not, however, have a right to say you walked in my shoes. You have not. You have no idea of my life situation, what I was going though at the time of my decision, what I have witnessed in my lifetime, what other medical issues I am dealing with, etc. I understand that these things don't make a difference to you, you will judge me regardless. But do not say that you were ever in my shoes.

OP, I hope this dialogue does not stress you even further. You need to do what you think is the best decision for you and your family. Despite your AMA, the odds are very likely that your screening will give you good results, so I suggest you try not to stress until you have further information.

[Anonymous]

My story: During a routine ultrasound, the doctors discovered cysts on my babies brain. After more testing, she (the baby) was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. I was advised to consider terminating the pregnancy. As many of you likely know, trisomy 18 is incompatible with life. Most babies that aren't miscarried die within days. Some live a little longer. And there is one story of a child living to age 10. I am very much pro-life. This pregnancy made me face the reality of my pro-life position head on. But how could I bring a child into the world knowing that she likely wouldn't live past a few days. And knowing that those days would be spent in pain.

It was horrible position. I cried. I prayed for guidance. And I cried some more. I prayed some more. And ultimately chose not to terminate.

The tests were wrong. That baby is now 18. She is a National Merit Scholar with a 4.45 GPA.

I can't help but think, what if I had terminated?

[Anonymous]

I'm fairly pro-choice but this is where decisions get difficult. I understand an unexpected pregnancy and wanting to terminate. But it's a more complicated decision when people effectively start playing God. Maybe they don't want an SN child, but what's next? I'm sure we'll have tests (if we dont' already) for various other characteristics, like if your child is blonde, will be tall, etc. Are those reasons to terminate?

I know I'm way biased though -- my brother has Down's Syndrome and I shudder to think what my life would be like without him. Sure, growing up was difficult because I was jealous that he got all the attention and I didn't (he needed it), but is life always meant to be a matter of taking the easy route?

DW and I are TTC now, and I really really hope we aren't faced with such a decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My story: During a routine ultrasound, the doctors discovered cysts on my babies brain. After more testing, she (the baby) was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. I was advised to consider terminating the pregnancy. As many of you likely know, trisomy 18 is incompatible with life. Most babies that aren't miscarried die within days. Some live a little longer. And there is one story of a child living to age 10. I am very much pro-life. This pregnancy made me face the reality of my pro-life position head on. But how could I bring a child into the world knowing that she likely wouldn't live past a few days. And knowing that those days would be spent in pain.

It was horrible position. I cried. I prayed for guidance. And I cried some more. I prayed some more. And ultimately chose not to terminate.

The tests were wrong. That baby is now 18. She is a National Merit Scholar with a 4.45 GPA.

I can't help but think, what if I had terminated?

Did you do an amnio? The thing is, that by doing the amnio you were already compromising your pro-life values, given the miscarriage risk. The "what if" question is important for making personal calculations, but it sort of interferes with proper evaluation of the costs & benefits of the test. Terminating a mistakenly diagnosed trisomy 18 baby is, in my opinion, not morally different from causing a miscarriage to a healthy baby by amnio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My story: During a routine ultrasound, the doctors discovered cysts on my babies brain. After more testing, she (the baby) was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. I was advised to consider terminating the pregnancy. As many of you likely know, trisomy 18 is incompatible with life. Most babies that aren't miscarried die within days. Some live a little longer. And there is one story of a child living to age 10. I am very much pro-life. This pregnancy made me face the reality of my pro-life position head on. But how could I bring a child into the world knowing that she likely wouldn't live past a few days. And knowing that those days would be spent in pain.

It was horrible position. I cried. I prayed for guidance. And I cried some more. I prayed some more. And ultimately chose not to terminate.

The tests were wrong. That baby is now 18. She is a National Merit Scholar with a 4.45 GPA.

I can't help but think, what if I had terminated?

How different are the testing methods today vs. 18 years ago? No commentary on your decision, which is yours and yours alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly pro-choice but this is where decisions get difficult. I understand an unexpected pregnancy and wanting to terminate. But it's a more complicated decision when people effectively start playing God. Maybe they don't want an SN child, but what's next? I'm sure we'll have tests (if we dont' already) for various other characteristics, like if your child is blonde, will be tall, etc. Are those reasons to terminate?

I know I'm way biased though -- my brother has Down's Syndrome and I shudder to think what my life would be like without him. Sure, growing up was difficult because I was jealous that he got all the attention and I didn't (he needed it), but is life always meant to be a matter of taking the easy route?

DW and I are TTC now, and I really really hope we aren't faced with such a decision.

I really don't understand when someone thinks it's OK to terminate for an unexpected pregnancy but not for medical reasons. You terminate because you do not want to move forward with a pregnancy at that given time. Whether it is because the pregnancy is unplanned or because the fetus has medical issues that will impact you and your family for the rest of your life, one reason is not more valid than the other. That is the essence of "pro-choice," it is the choice of the woman, based on her own reasons and hers alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well you know, I gave an honest reply as well. We all get to express our opinions, and mine is certainly as valid as yours. The great thing about this forum is that we get to admit those things which we have the decency to refrain from saying to someone face-to-face. Wouldn't you rather know what people are really thinking, especially in an anonymous forum? Yes, in real life I can be kind to women who do any number of things which I disagree with, but no amount of name-calling is going to make me believe those choices are good.

Yes, we are all entitled to our own opinions. But, you can express them like an asshole, or you can express them in a respectful way (as some other PPs did).

And, nobody wants you to believe that their choices are 'good' for you. Everybody makes whatever choice is right for them, at that time. That's all each of us can do. And, hope that we made the right decision. You, however, do not get to choose what is best for me, or for the OP. It is OP (and her DH's) decision, and nobody else's.