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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Awful Mother's Day. Am I married to a selfish jerK?
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Anonymous
Ha I thought I was speaking to someone somewhat rational until you stated " he got other women but comes back to me". Wow you are a lovely piece of trash. Liar liar pants on fire!!! |
Anonymous
| If he was working his tail off over the weekend at a job that earns money for the family, be prepared for some pushback to the criticism that he didn't also take care of your Mother's Day needs at the same time. I'm sure working on the weekend wasn't his first choice of how to spend his time either. |
Anonymous
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OP ignore all the bitchy women telling you it's not a big deal or you should not expect anything. They are bitter bc they probably got nothing as well.
You need to tell you DH how you feel calmly and rationally. There really is no excuse especially his little target trip where he could have done something. Don't fret just be honest! Goodluck! |
Anonymous
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OP, I feel your pain. My husband (who is a stay at home dad) did manage to have the kids draw on a piece of paper on Sunday morning, but that was it. We also have two small kids so it's not like I was expecting anything huge, but still. And with him staying home we don't have money for a real present. But getting to stay in bed past 6 (when my 2 year old got up) would have been a nice way to start the day.
I agree with the PP who said that men don't understand that we actually want to be appreciated and this means something to us. For them it's like their boss not saying anything about a great project they did. |
Anonymous
| I'd be so hurt! I think I'd talk to him about it. And if he gwas dismissive about it. That's fine. Next weekend, treat yourself to something, a shirt, a facial whatever, and tell hiim what you did for yourself....and then maybe make it an annual thing, ie/ treat yourself and don't worry abt him treating you that way you won't be too dissapointed!! When ur tots are a little older, they'll make up for it I'm sure! But even then! Treat yourself =) But don't fume too long, it's not worth it...maybe he is a jerk, maybe not, I don't know him....but if you want to be pamper...do it urself =) |
Anonymous
| Are there two 13 year olds conversing on this thread or just one 13 yo sockpuppeting troll making shit up? |
Anonymous
OP here. "Working on the weekend" meant that he was on his laptop or cell phone, but everytime I walked by he was playing on Facebook. But if I asked him to take the baby or the toddler for a while he was "busy". He absolutely had time to run and get something if he had organized his time better. Did I mention that he had the day off on Friday to run around and do appointments by himself? He could have picked something up then. This is his M.O. He puts things off till the last minute and then has a million excuses. I'm just really pissed off that he didn't take 5 seconds to order something while he played on Facebook. |
Anonymous
| What about birthdays, OP? |
Anonymous
| Did he call his mother? |
Anonymous
Seriously. And yes, OP, your husband messed up. It sounds like this is more than mother's day. Talk it over now, before resentment builds. |
Anonymous
| OP, don't get him anything for Father's Day. |
Anonymous
I agree with this 100%. I absolutely have to spell out what I want/expect from DH when it comes to things like this and I am not shy about doing so. That way, I am happy and as a result DH is happy and everyone wins! You really cant blame him or be angry at him if you dont communicate your wants/needs with him. |
Anonymous
| OP, I feel your pain. This was my first ever mother's day after years of TTC and it was a huge deal to me. It upsets me that some father out there failed to acknowledge the wonderful woman who is the mother of his children and all of her efforts. I agree with other posters here, treat yourself to make up for it. Especially if nothing was done last year either, buy something ridiculously expensive for yourself. I'm talking at least 4 digits. Don't even think less than Chanel or Louis Vuitton. Come home with it and tell your husband why you felt entitled to buy something like that and I am sure he will wise up for next year. But if it still doesn't phase him, I have a few girlfriends who have husbands like yours, so they just adjust by making mother's day all about them, they get babysitters and go to the spa or shopping on mother's day. I know it sucks, it would be great if your husband would make more of an effort, but you can start your own mother's day tradition. |
Anonymous
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Sorry to piggy-back on other pp’s but I really want the following message to hit home.
MOST marital issues are caused by a lack of communication or a failure to communicate clearly. If you do not articulate your feelings and expectations, you have no right to continue being angry about it. If Mothers’ Day is important to you, you need to let him know in strong terms that it is important and that you expect him to help the kids get something together going forward. Accept no excuses and set the bar!!! My DH is a great guy. He is a terrific dad and my biggest supporter. However, he is a very poor mind-reader. He is not malicious about it, but he was raised by his dad in a house with 4 brothers (no sisters) and he is wired to think like a clueless guy. So for the first couple of Mom’s Days, I had to clearly tell him that I expected a small gift, dinner and a day off. And I got what I wanted. Bottom line – Communicate your feelings and expectations. You will be spending a lot of time being angry if you expect your DH to figure out what is important to you and then getting angry if he does not figure it out. That is a road to disaster and an unhappy marriage. |
Anonymous
I agree. My husband flopped at mother's day this year (my first), and I was ticked. But I know that he supports me in ways that many men don't, and I have no doubt that he is a steller husband and father. It seems weird to ask for things, but that's what we need to do. |