Husband Getting MBA-I'm not happy

[Anonymous]

Op- I sympathize completely. I'd be beyond pissed since it sounds like you are already running on fumes, juggling work and home responsibilities. Moreover, breaking the news to you in an email was so passive aggressive. Thank goodness you will have a chance to cool down this evening so you don't cloud the issue with excessive emotion. However, you really need to get your point across- since he might have already committed himself to the first semester, make him promise to view it as a trial run and if it is just too much for you to manage, make him agree to table the idea until your kids are older or something else adjusts in your lives. GL and feel entitled to justifiable ANGER!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah. OP, do you and your DH normally have good communication? Dropping this kind of thing via email is seriously troubling and that would definitely piss me off. But it doesn't sound like the going back to school thing is the issue - more the lack of communication.

My DH is in law school now and left a great secure job to do it BUT he was miserable. It hasn't been easy or cheap but it has made me happy so ya know...life is short. But, we talked for months together before he made the decision.

OP here. You know we normally do, but you wouldn’t think it right now! We are both so flexible and compromise. One of us always backs down and both of have a lot of empathy for each other. I truly think he thinks this is just no big deal and will probably be completely blindsided by my anger. Maybe he does think it will benefit his career, but I'm not buying it. He has moved up every year or so in his job and have not hit a plateau, nor been declined a promotion or raise based on his lowly BS.

Again, if this were critical, such as your DH, I would be 100% on board. I get what your husband is doing. If your spouse is unhappy in his career, then NOBODY is going to be happy until steps are taken to make changes.

My poor kids, they are running wild around the house and I’m messing around on the computer bitching to you all. I should be doing something productive!

[Anonymous]

I am on OPs side here. I am a WOHM mom. I have a hard time as it is juggling career, house, parenting, etc. I also do most of the parenting at home. If DH came to me and said he wanted to commit to doing something long-term during his off work hours that would not be bringing in more income, but instead would be greatly depleting our current income, I would be furious too. Not only because of the money, but also that precious time should be spent with the family and children.

Basically, seems OP is not only going to be helping to fund DH MBA, but also watch the children, cook, clean etc while DH is attending class and studying at home. This should be a mutual agreed decision between DH and OP, and not a one-sided decision.

Although it may not be practiced at my house as much as I wish it were, I am a firm believer that when both parents work, there needs to be more closely equal fairness in co-parenting and mutual decisions when it comes to affecting the family lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

It seems like your DH is kind of clueless about communication and the effort that will be required from you while he gets his education.

I wouldn't go the route of 'this is worthless', because it's really hard to tell sometimes. Maybe his boss specifically told him that it would help him get to a position/career that he really likes. Who knows.

But you know how I would handle it? My DH likes to make big decisions (like having expensive hobbies) without consulting me, so I'd book a lush vaca by myself over a long weekend or attend a 'conference' for work (you know, like in Palm springs) and leave him with the kids without talking to him first. Just to drive home the point that it really requires both parties to make decisions like that. he seems kind of dense and that subtleties or conversation might not make him realize what he's (not) asking of you.

Or, you could call the school and see what his options are for postponing or cancelling the program. You don't have to give them any details about your situation, just pretend that you're calling on his behalf.

[Anonymous]

OP, I work FT and if my husband made a decision like this without my assent, I would crap my pants and I would be FURIOUS too.

[Anonymous]

To answer one of your questions - an executive MBA (EMBA) take less time, say 18 months part-time, because they are giving you credit for work experience and is the degree you get if you want to stay in your current career and get promoted. An MBA takes 2 years full time and is what you get if you want more options in terms of changing careers. And the reality is that if you are not going to a top tier school, it does little to make you more attractive in the job market for top paying positions.

That said, if he is in the federal government and wants to get an SES position, an EMBAis not a bad move. If he wants to get a job with a hedge fund, it is not worth the time or money.

And regardless, this should have been a joint decision. He is acting like an ass hat.

[Anonymous]

I would be seriously pissed too OP. I sympathize.

[Anonymous]

I know that my Fulbright aspirations went out the window once my responsibilities grew beyond my own edification and included a husband and child.

Believe me, I am all for the vanity degrees. This nerd loves name-dropping where she's studied, but the MBA as you describe it sounds too indulgent. It costs you too much and provides him with very little. What are the bragging rights, really? Especially when you factor in the nil impact job-wise.

I wouldn't argue with whether he needs it or not as I would never want DH to tell me that I already had a pair of earrings, so I couldn't possibly need another this Xmas. What I *would* say, however, is that the timing is just awful. It's great that he was accepted to such a competitive program (something to brag about) and when the kids are older won't it be great...blah, blah, blah.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

In this economy it could actually be a detriment - no one wants to have to pay someone more if they can get someone with the same level of experience for less.

I am all for furthering your education but it sounds like he is doing fine career-wise. Please tell me this is his first grad degree? If he already has an advanced degree this could be a detriment.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Just a thought, OP, so take this with a grain of salt, but is he really going back to school, or is this just a weird excuse to be out of the house two nights a week? I only ask because it seems like a very strange (and sudden) way to spring the MBA thing on you.

[Anonymous]

I think he will go, let you help finance his education, find a younger GF and get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap. I tend to be a flexible, happy-parent = happy-family type of person. But hearing about it via email without discussion beforehand is pretty shocking. I'd be furious, to say the least.

That said, I would probably try my very best to calm down before talking with DH about it. Undoubtedly I would share my feelings (shock, anger, resentment etc.) eventually, and probably in pretty sharp tones. But I'd try my very best in that first conversation to UNDERSTAND what he's thinking, if for no other reason than to re-evaluate my feelings and what I think is best for the family overall.

So maybe ask him (in as judgment-free a way as possible) what he's seeking from the program. Is it the experience itself (learning/challenging/growth) or is it a specific advantage or opportunity that he thinks the credential will bring?

I'd also ask about the time commitment involved -- both the in-class time and the preparation/work assignment time. As a follow up, I'd ask whether he has ideas on how to address the extra burden this will put on you at home, and how you two can adress that.

Finally, I'd ask about the financial piece of it all. How much will it cost and where that money is going to come from.

After all that, I'd probably go back to the first issue to ask again what this is about to him. How important is the MBA and why.

Once I processed all that, I have no doubt I'd have a second conversation (probably the next day) about the process he used to make this decision and share it with you. That conversation would likely be VERY harsh, but I think it might depend a bit on what I learned in the first conversation about where he's coming from and how imporant this really is to him and why.

Good luck. I hope he's not really an a-hole, but rather someone who misjudged the situation and underestimated how important this decision is to you and the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, you sound like a real piece of work. You said that you are the primary caregiver for your children? Really? You also said that you work. Who is with your children during the day? Talk with your husband now and deal with the issue.

You are a cow.

Close, the word does in fact start with a "c".

[Anonymous]

20:16, nice post.

[Anonymous]

An MBA from GW? Are they even ranked? What a waste if money. I'd be embarassed that my husband was going there for an MBA. It's a worthless degree unless you go to a school that can offer you serious connections.