One glass of wine at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently passed away and it’s been incredibly difficult. I’m actively seeing a therapist, exercising, eating healthy, working a regular schedule, basically doing everything for my family that I did before, plus taking care of my mom (and dealing with a BPD sibling).

I tried the antidepressant route and ended up feeling close to suicidal. So I’ve landed on a small glass of wine at night. It takes the edge off after dealing with reality all day. I rarely if ever drink during the day and never drive after I’ve had my glass.

Yet I feel so guilty, and worry about long term health impact. Obviously I know it’s not good for me, but I figure it’s better than being incredibly stressed all day into the night. I am trying to cut back but just curious about others opinions.

How terrible is it really? I would estimate I go through one bottle a week myself (low tolerance).

One glass of wine isn't going to hurt you but if you become reliant on the wine then there is a problem. Have you considered grief counseling? It helps a lot and the grief counseling allows you to talk about everything you are going through. Many churches have free counseling as well as hospitals
Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father recently passed away and it’s been incredibly difficult. I’m actively seeing a therapist, exercising, eating healthy, working a regular schedule, basically doing everything for my family that I did before, plus taking care of my mom (and dealing with a BPD sibling).

I tried the antidepressant route and ended up feeling close to suicidal. So I’ve landed on a small glass of wine at night. It takes the edge off after dealing with reality all day. I rarely if ever drink during the day and never drive after I’ve had my glass.

Yet I feel so guilty, and worry about long term health impact. Obviously I know it’s not good for me, but I figure it’s better than being incredibly stressed all day into the night. I am trying to cut back but just curious about others opinions.

How terrible is it really? I would estimate I go through one bottle a week myself (low tolerance).

In my random person on the internet opinion it's not that bad and the fact that you are mindful about it is really important. Alcohol is an addictive substance, so when you feel strong enough start replacing the glass of wine with something else in your evening. I have alcohol use disorder. I don't drink at all now, but a huge tell for me was making excuses for my increasing consumption. If you start to increase your consumption and are justifying it then you are starting to have a problem.

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you during this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks to everyone for the honest and sympathetic responses! I think I’ve concluded that while it’s not the worst thing in the world to continue drinking this way, I’d like to attempt to reduce the amount and frequency. Strangely I haven’t had any issues with sleep even though it used to disrupt my sleep prior to my dad passing. Sleep has been the only escape from grief for me so maybe that contributes to it. I’ve been seeing a grief and trauma therapist and will continue with that as well.
Thanks so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I love wine but generally can't drink it 2 or more nights in a row because it seems to cumulatively add to my bad mental state. I get the relief at night for a few hours, then I feel worse the next day, even on a measured 5 ozs.

I get the stress and I know it's easy to say try something else. But is there anyway you can try walking, even in place, at the end of the day and try something like Tylenol to relax. Perhaps try it for a few days and see if you can't get some better sleep, which will definitely help.

I know that's not what you're asking. And I don't think a glass of wine a night is a bad thing. I just would worry that it's making the problem worse.

So sorry for your loss.

Tylenol is not a psychoactive drug.

You are imagining any effect you think it has on your stress. Bad advice.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is earth shattering at any age. I've been there too.

One small 5oz glass of red wine per night is actually considered a heart healthy habit by some doctors. If you read blue zones, they actually list it as something that helps increase longevity.

The bigger concern is that you are using it to self medicate. For some people who use booze to do this one glass turns into 3,4 then the whole bottle very quickly. (It did for me too - I had to quit). Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I love wine but generally can't drink it 2 or more nights in a row because it seems to cumulatively add to my bad mental state. I get the relief at night for a few hours, then I feel worse the next day, even on a measured 5 ozs.

I get the stress and I know it's easy to say try something else. But is there anyway you can try walking, even in place, at the end of the day and try something like Tylenol to relax. Perhaps try it for a few days and see if you can't get some better sleep, which will definitely help.

I know that's not what you're asking. And I don't think a glass of wine a night is a bad thing. I just would worry that it's making the problem worse.

So sorry for your loss.

Tylenol is not a psychoactive drug.

You are imagining any effect you think it has on your stress. Bad advice.

It actually has been shown to reduce (temporarily) psychological “pain” from things like social rejection. Obviously not a long term solution but it’s not true that it can’t affect mental state.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I've been there, so I know how hard it is.

One glass a night is not harmful. It sounds like you're being mindful, which is great. I'm personally concerned about making a "habit" of drinking, so I try to think about whether I really want it before pouring myself a glass. Some nights I realize I don't, and go for a walk or have dessert or do something else to treat myself instead. I think as long as you're doing that, you're good.

Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks to everyone for the honest and sympathetic responses! I think I’ve concluded that while it’s not the worst thing in the world to continue drinking this way, I’d like to attempt to reduce the amount and frequency. Strangely I haven’t had any issues with sleep even though it used to disrupt my sleep prior to my dad passing. Sleep has been the only escape from grief for me so maybe that contributes to it. I’ve been seeing a grief and trauma therapist and will continue with that as well.
Thanks so much!

Time really does heal. I know it doesn’t feel like it now. But it really really does. Just give yourself grace and kindness and take things one day at a time. In a year or two you will feel so differently - still missing him - but it won’t feel so raw.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, been there. I lost my sister in a shocking and traumatic way a few years ago, and I started drinking a glass of wine a night—sometimes two. I think it probably helped me in the early days, though maybe it delayed my grief processing—not sure. Anyway, one day I up and lost my taste for alcohol. I rarely drink now—maybe once a month—and only with other people. I feel a lot better, even though I don’t think I realized at the time that I wasn’t feeling great. So I’d say, use the alcohol for its intended purpose while it helps, and then ditch it as soon as you can.

[Anonymous]

Its fine. Keep it at one glass though. One bottle is not fine per night.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, considering there are/have been millions of French and Italian people who typically drink a glass of wine (or two) every day and live to a ripe old age, I wouldn't be too worried about it being "not good" for you.

Honestly, Americans obsession with taking medications is much worse than drinking a glass of wine per day.

Really? Because the World Health Organization recently declared that "No level of alcohol consumption is safe for our health." Besides how it affects the liver, it is implicated in at least 7 types of cancer. I like a glass of wine as much as the next person, but I am trying to only drink when I go out to dinner and only one glass of wine. Given what OP has on her plate, I think taking a SSRI for as long as needed is far safer. But that's just my opinion.

"Alcohol is a toxic, psychoactive, and dependence-producing substance and has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer decades ago – this is the highest risk group, which also includes asbestos, radiation and tobacco. Alcohol causes at least seven types of cancer, including the most common cancer types, such as bowel cancer and female breast cancer. Ethanol (alcohol) causes cancer through biological mechanisms as the compound breaks down in the body, which means that any beverage containing alcohol, regardless of its price and quality, poses a risk of developing cancer.

The risk of developing cancer increases substantially the more alcohol is consumed. However, latest available data indicate that half of all alcohol-attributable cancers in the WHO European Region are caused by “light” and “moderate” alcohol consumption – less than 1.5 litres of wine or less than 3.5 litres of beer or less than 450 millilitres of spirits per week. This drinking pattern is responsible for the majority of alcohol-attributable breast cancers in women, with the highest burden observed in countries of the European Union (EU). In the EU, cancer is the leading cause of death – with a steadily increasing incidence rate – and the majority of all alcohol-attributable deaths are due to different types of cancers.
https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/04-01-2023-no-level-of-alcohol-consumption-is-safe-for-our-health

[Anonymous]

Life is hard. Lots of things we do daily carry health risks. The key is to know your risk tolerance and to strike a balance that works for you when it comes to easing your mental stress in this difficult time. If it's making you more worried than relaxed, maybe it's not a great choice. But if it actually helps, it seems like a low-level risk with a decent return. I agree with the poster who points out that no reasonable doctor will tell you it carries health benefits. That narrative came primarily from studies funded by the alcohol industry, which studies have since been largely discredited. Just make the informed choice that works best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is hard. Lots of things we do daily carry health risks. The key is to know your risk tolerance and to strike a balance that works for you when it comes to easing your mental stress in this difficult time. If it's making you more worried than relaxed, maybe it's not a great choice. But if it actually helps, it seems like a low-level risk with a decent return. I agree with the poster who points out that no reasonable doctor will tell you it carries health benefits. That narrative came primarily from studies funded by the alcohol industry, which studies have since been largely discredited. Just make the informed choice that works best for you.

but its actually not a low level risk as pp pointed out. My doctor recently told me that drinking alcohol is same amount of risk for breast cancer as family history.

[Anonymous]

The discussion of possible health effects of light drinking is way overblown. See e.g. table 2 of this paper: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2802963

Light drinkers (that's you) have 7 percent LOWER death rates than nondrinkers.

This is complicated, and there are other interpretations and factors, and the data aren't perfect, but if you are truly only having one standard glass of wine (not a half bottle poured into a giant goblet) and are not experiencing any negative consequences (insomnia, weight gain, etc.), PLEASE don't worry about it.