Are Therapy and Mindfulness Making Some Kids More Anxious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just watched a video recently that a mindfulness program in Baltimore schools helped kids and improved attendance.

Mindfulness is not the same as rumination. Introspection is not bad, in fact it's probably good. If you were in denial of your issues, then took a mindfulness class and became aware of anxiety and depression, that's the first step in solving the problem. You don't just conclude mindfulness is bad because you became aware of your feelings. Some people like to be busy and not be aware of any of their feelings. Some also like to drink alcohol to escape their feelings. Different strokes for different folks.

what is this program?

https://www.mindful.org/raising-baltimore/

that's a bit different to what our HS is doing. If they did yoga and worked on spirituality that would be good, but the way I see it being implemented, it's just "let's talk about our feelings" in a classroom setting. No teen is going to talk about their feelings in a classroom full of their peers.

I seriously think these school admins do not understand teens.

[Anonymous]

There was an Atlantic article on this too a while back: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/11/teen-mental-health-dbt/675895/

"The therapy seemed to make the kids worse. Immediately after the intervention, the therapy group had worse relationships with their parents and increases in depression and anxiety. They were also less emotionally regulated and had less awareness of their emotions, and they reported a lower quality of life, compared with the control group."

[Anonymous]

Can u find an aPA or nih study? These seem pretty unscientific.

[Anonymous]

The important thing is to get to know your child and what works best. For some, it’s mindfulness. For others it’s immersing oneself in an activity. Some like therapy. Some like to turn to God and pray for help. I think it’s good for kids to learn about these various ways, so that they can one day choose what is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely think they're overdoing it.

My dd learned about "bucket filling" except all she got from it was that she needs her bucket filled and it's up to others to fill it. She constantly kept saying things to us like "it doesn't fill my bucket when I have to do chores." She misinterpreted so much. We had to talk about filling your own bucket and filling others buckets fills your too. You can't expect other people to fill your bucket.

It's just an example, there were so many other examples over the years. I really wish they'd teach resilience the most. Fix things yourself, you don't need others to be happy, moving past words that other people said because you know they aren't true or nice.

My kid was naturally anxious, so maybe they're the ones that get more anxious the more they learn. After learning about bullying, my dd was convinced everyone was "bullying" her when they didn't want to play.

This is such a hilarious example. I would not be able to keep a straight face.

I am an anxious person, if I were born later I'm sure I'd have an anxiety diagnosis, but therapy and mental health were very stigmatized when I was growing up. I've had to learn a lot of coping mechanisms in my 30s, but part of the motivation for that came from feeling like it was impacting my behavior around my kids and wanting to stop that in its tracks. A teenager doesn't have that kind of external motivation, and may keep looking to others for reinforcement and reassurance. I do hope to pass on some of the specific methods I've learned but the will has to be there too.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of this. It's great that talking about mental health is more in the open than it was years ago, when men would return from war and drink themselves to death to numb the pain, but the pendlum has swung too far in the other direction. People need to realize that it's okay to have depression/anxiety, but you can't solely use it as an excuse, you should actively be treating it.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat related - the whole socioemotional wellness and self esteem above all approach. Criticism = “not kind”

Example is my son is practicing his instrument. I tell him it sounds good but he needs to work on two notes which are flat. Or I tell him it needs to sound sweet and gentle and it sounds harsh.

“That’s not KIND mommy!”l You shouldn’t say that.”

It’s not unkind to tell a kid during practice that a C is too sharp. This is new language with the teacher he has this year. She also doesn’t correct spelling or math at all, just checks that it’s complete. I’m worried he’s not going to be able to handle critical and feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of this. It's great that talking about mental health is more in the open than it was years ago, when men would return from war and drink themselves to death to numb the pain, but the pendlum has swung too far in the other direction. People need to realize that it's okay to have depression/anxiety, but you can't solely use it as an excuse, you should actively be treating it.

I wouldn’t even go that far. I would say everyone feels sad and lonely and anxious sometimes and it’s doesn’t always indicate the kind of depression and anxiety that require treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely think they're overdoing it.

My dd learned about "bucket filling" except all she got from it was that she needs her bucket filled and it's up to others to fill it. She constantly kept saying things to us like "it doesn't fill my bucket when I have to do chores." She misinterpreted so much. We had to talk about filling your own bucket and filling others buckets fills your too. You can't expect other people to fill your bucket.

It's just an example, there were so many other examples over the years. I really wish they'd teach resilience the most. Fix things yourself, you don't need others to be happy, moving past words that other people said because you know they aren't true or nice.

My kid was naturally anxious, so maybe they're the ones that get more anxious the more they learn. After learning about bullying, my dd was convinced everyone was "bullying" her when they didn't want to play.

Ugh mine brought home the bullying thing too I agree that true bullying needs to be addressed, but I expect kids to lightly push or swat each other once in awhile without it being bullying or hitting. I do not agree that all kids have to allow others to play with them. Sometimes people don’t want to play with you and that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

The SEL screener gives kids all sorts of ideas. Talking - and venting - about our feelings has been shown in some cases to make things worse, not better. Schools would do better to increase time outside and have kids do more exercise, like walking. PE is mostly sitting in FCPS because the classes are under-prioritized and so often there are over 100 kids in each PE class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely think they're overdoing it.

My dd learned about "bucket filling" except all she got from it was that she needs her bucket filled and it's up to others to fill it. She constantly kept saying things to us like "it doesn't fill my bucket when I have to do chores." She misinterpreted so much. We had to talk about filling your own bucket and filling others buckets fills your too. You can't expect other people to fill your bucket.

It's just an example, there were so many other examples over the years. I really wish they'd teach resilience the most. Fix things yourself, you don't need others to be happy, moving past words that other people said because you know they aren't true or nice.

My kid was naturally anxious, so maybe they're the ones that get more anxious the more they learn. After learning about bullying, my dd was convinced everyone was "bullying" her when they didn't want to play.

agree, I stated something similar in another thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1203651.page

Instead of teaching resilience, they are teaching kids to become victims of "mental health" issues. Yes, those issues are real, but focus on the resilience and dealing with it, instead of the "woe is me".

My DC is in therapy, but I also talk to DC about building resilience, and not letting every single little bad emotion be a blocker.

Totally agree with this. DD and I have discussed this a lot and how it feels as if no one has grit and resilience anymore. Some therapists over emphasize validation of feelings, yet don’t tackle the other side of the equation which is how to move forward.

[Anonymous]

People have forgotten that it's ok to feel feelings.

Being sad doesn't mean you're depressed.
Being nervous before a big event doesn't mean you have anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat related - the whole socioemotional wellness and self esteem above all approach. Criticism = “not kind”

Example is my son is practicing his instrument. I tell him it sounds good but he needs to work on two notes which are flat. Or I tell him it needs to sound sweet and gentle and it sounds harsh.

“That’s not KIND mommy!”l You shouldn’t say that.”

It’s not unkind to tell a kid during practice that a C is too sharp. This is new language with the teacher he has this year. She also doesn’t correct spelling or math at all, just checks that it’s complete. I’m worried he’s not going to be able to handle critical and feedback.

Omg I feel this. My kid did a sloppy, illegible job on his homework and I rather sternly told him to start over with a fresh piece of paper. Cue the meltdown "My feelings are hurt and you're not being kind".
I felt guilty too! But I decided I'm channeling my inner tiger mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat related - the whole socioemotional wellness and self esteem above all approach. Criticism = “not kind”

Example is my son is practicing his instrument. I tell him it sounds good but he needs to work on two notes which are flat. Or I tell him it needs to sound sweet and gentle and it sounds harsh.

“That’s not KIND mommy!”l You shouldn’t say that.”

It’s not unkind to tell a kid during practice that a C is too sharp. This is new language with the teacher he has this year. She also doesn’t correct spelling or math at all, just checks that it’s complete. I’m worried he’s not going to be able to handle critical and feedback.

Omg I feel this. My kid did a sloppy, illegible job on his homework and I rather sternly told him to start over with a fresh piece of paper. Cue the meltdown "My feelings are hurt and you're not being kind".
I felt guilty too! But I decided I'm channeling my inner tiger mom.

See, I don’t think making a kid redo something that’s illegible is tiger momming! I also told him he is not the best on his soccer team (because he was bragging and he just started playing) and he said his feelings were hurt and I couldn’t say that. Sheesh. I remember when classmates would just straight up say “You’re dumb” and we and adults would all brush it off because kids do say these little things. I think it’s mean but normal. If it’s happening a lot, sure but one comment I think is not the end of the world and not bullying.

[Anonymous]

Schools - especially in FCPS and MoCo, are way overdoing it with their mental health outreach:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1203651.page