What is attractive to ambitious men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

I'm an ambitious successful man with a PhD, a good income, and rapidly growing wealth and you sound tiresome.

[Anonymous]

Would you consider dating a black man? I'm serious - I'm a black woman, so I feel like I can say this. Read on.

I 100% agree with the PPs that ambitious men (defined as your typical elitely educated, high-earning, athletic types) almost exclusively date and marry their peers. Like the old saying goes, the best way to marry an HBS graduate is to be one yourself. Even better if your family has been summering on Nantucket for generations like his.

But my observation knowing black men of this ilk is that a larger percentage of them (as compared to their white/Asian/Jewish etc counterparts) are willing to consider a more "the man is the plan" girl. So, very pretty, but generally less academically and professionally motivated. Maybe she works in a chill job for a little while in her "waiting to wed" years. This woman is happy to stay home when the kids come, relocate for his career on a moment's notice, and make sure he cilmbs the corporate ladder. Having the hard-charging credential *upfront* just seems to be less important to these men.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider dating a black man? I'm serious - I'm a black woman, so I feel like I can say this. Read on.

I 100% agree with the PPs that ambitious men (defined as your typical elitely educated, high-earning, athletic types) almost exclusively date and marry their peers. Like the old saying goes, the best way to marry an HBS graduate is to be one yourself. Even better if your family has been summering on Nantucket for generations like his.

But my observation knowing black men of this ilk is that a larger percentage of them (as compared to their white/Asian/Jewish etc counterparts) are willing to consider a more "the man is the plan" girl. So, very pretty, but generally less academically and professionally motivated. Maybe she works in a chill job for a little while in her "waiting to wed" years. This woman is happy to stay home when the kids come, relocate for his career on a moment's notice, and make sure he cilmbs the corporate ladder. Having the hard-charging credential *upfront* just seems to be less important to these men.

Thoughts?

This is interesting, because I have a friend who fits this description. He’s ivy-educated, high earning, and dating for marriage, and actively avoids hard charging career women because he wants a wife who will SAH after kids (and no, he doesn’t think all women should be barefoot and pregnant; he’d be the first to say a woman’s place is wherever she wants it to be). He doesn’t date white women, though, because he says there’s too much backlash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Red flag.

Yes, wealthy men are very picky who they play with and pick naturally very beautiful women (but not obsessed with their looks). The woman who looks at 8 without makeup and like a 9-10 with very light makeup. Or they marry women from their circle, as said above. Or both - but often wealthy beautiful women don't want them and would rather date more interesting/younger men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Maybe what you need is an ambiguous man. They are very much in style today.

[Anonymous]

Attractive, thin, Caucasian blonde and is nice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attractive, thin, Caucasian blonde and is nice

If you look at the lists of the richest men's wives, sultry brunette women definitely run the show. But yes, thin, attractive, Caucasian and nice

[Anonymous]

The ambitious men I’ve known like rich women.

[Anonymous]

You probably need to date less attractive but still ambitious men. There are a lot out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

These are early marriages, in grad school or straight out. In OLD dating age and post age 30, looks and how the woman ages definitely matter. Look who Murdoch marries - they are all attractive and wealthy, or models

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

These are early marriages, in grad school or straight out. In OLD dating age and post age 30, looks and how the woman ages definitely matter. Look who Murdoch marries - they are all attractive and wealthy, or models

That’s totally different. At that point, by marriage number three, they’ve shown themselves to be narcissistic jerks and no women with true wealth or value will marry them. They’re left with exclusively gold digger options, so them might as well settle for the prettier, younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

These are early marriages, in grad school or straight out. In OLD dating age and post age 30, looks and how the woman ages definitely matter. Look who Murdoch marries - they are all attractive and wealthy, or models

That’s totally different. At that point, by marriage number three, they’ve shown themselves to be narcissistic jerks and no women with true wealth or value will marry them. They’re left with exclusively gold digger options, so them might as well settle for the prettier, younger ones.

I don't think it's the jerkiness, but women of lesser means than him would be more willing to blend into his lifestyle: make his interests her own, make his travel style her travel style, accept his food habits, organize his schedule etc. It is a hard work to be married to a high NW man. I was married to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast for 20 years while working full time myself. So I know what I'm talking about.

All wives of his colleagues were attractive at a minimum