Friendships and reaching out

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand staying connected on social media with ex-friends but it seems too harsh to disconnect / unfriend, so I keep them.

I’m surprised the people who ghosted me remain connected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

Why not write them a heartfelt letter and ask them?

I have said as much in the first few cards. Now I just say something along the lines of “I miss you and would really love to catch up.”

My cell phone died and they couldn’t retrieve my contacts, so I don’t have her cell phone # anymore. I’ve mentioned that in the various cards.

You need to stop trying to establish contact. She obviously is done.

Sure.

But if I’m already sending 100 Christmas cards to friends and family, it seems odd to not send one to the person I was dear friends with since childhood. Like I said, maybe one day she will come around.

It’s not like she sends them back return to sender.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I love many of my friends who I didn't do s great job of keeping in touch with. When I've lost touch with people but then reconnected later it's often that during the time of silence on either side, one of us was going through something big. Like a friend came through town the day my parent died. They had been on hospice but my friend wouldn't know that. But I didn't write back and forgot to write later.

Anyway, keep up with the holiday cards if you think kindly of them and who knows if or when you'll meet again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I love many of my friends who I didn't do s great job of keeping in touch with. When I've lost touch with people but then reconnected later it's often that during the time of silence on either side, one of us was going through something big. Like a friend came through town the day my parent died. They had been on hospice but my friend wouldn't know that. But I didn't write back and forgot to write later.

Anyway, keep up with the holiday cards if you think kindly of them and who knows if or when you'll meet again

PS I can think of three friends who were more distant from me and all said that they cherished my notes and that I didn't write them off when they went incommunicado. 1 went through a major depression, 1 went through a gender transition and basically ghosted everyone in their old life for a free years, and one just went through a busy phase of life where it was hard to keep up with more than the immediate demands of family, job and and local community.

I bet a lot of people can relate to the third situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

Why not write them a heartfelt letter and ask them?

I have said as much in the first few cards. Now I just say something along the lines of “I miss you and would really love to catch up.”

My cell phone died and they couldn’t retrieve my contacts, so I don’t have her cell phone # anymore. I’ve mentioned that in the various cards.

You need to stop trying to establish contact. She obviously is done.

Sure.

But if I’m already sending 100 Christmas cards to friends and family, it seems odd to not send one to the person I was dear friends with since childhood. Like I said, maybe one day she will come around.

It’s not like she sends them back return to sender.

you sound like a stalker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

Why not write them a heartfelt letter and ask them?

I have said as much in the first few cards. Now I just say something along the lines of “I miss you and would really love to catch up.”

My cell phone died and they couldn’t retrieve my contacts, so I don’t have her cell phone # anymore. I’ve mentioned that in the various cards.

You need to stop trying to establish contact. She obviously is done.

Sure.

But if I’m already sending 100 Christmas cards to friends and family, it seems odd to not send one to the person I was dear friends with since childhood. Like I said, maybe one day she will come around.

It’s not like she sends them back return to sender.

you sound like a stalker

No she sounds totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume they’ve gotten busy and don’t do well with long distance communication. I would stop communicating beyond something once a year (birthday message on fbook or Christmas cards) and maybe send them a text or email if I’ll be in the area. I’ve had people go dark on me then be thrilled to catch up over dinner while I happen to be in town.

+1

[Anonymous]

My best friend maid of honor oldest friend I have for 38 years is someone I've never talked to every year of my life. We always were close even though separate states and lives but I really thought we were done a few years ago. My cards never were reciprocated nor she ever reached out until one day I mulled over writing her a heartfelt letter or just resigning to the fact she's MIA. I never did the letter but she did finally shortly after reach out. She was going through some things and also on the health front with autoimmune issues.

The moral of this story is that you never know what's going on with someone. Also, through the years lots of stuff happens and that bond never breaks after 2-3-4 or even 8-10 years. She and I have not a lot of common interests but we share the same philosophies and values. We understand each other and make each other laugh in a way many people can't do for each of us. The bond we gave isn't based on how often we talk or see each other. It's based on a comfort and a chemistry we share that never goes away.

I have other friends who I really like but it wasn't worth my time to really think that much about why or what with them. In your life I think if you only have 2-3 people you have that deep kind of connection with you're super lucky. This is very different than people you can socialize, do stuff, have daily opportunities to mingle with. Not that they may be less of friends but that's more I think about people who you interact with cause we're social. You won't know until the relationship is tested by a separation to see who returns. But deep in your heart you probably know who the very few friendships you have are the ones that wil stay forever.

[Anonymous]

You should get her phone number - I’m sure there’s a way to get it. And then call her and talk to her. Or go to her home and knock on the door