Sneaky 15 year old

[Anonymous]

No punishment, yes consequences. Does she have symptoms of ADHD? Impulsivity? If so, does that need to be treated? Yes to therapy regardless.

And, my 17 year and I have shared locations on our iphones and this is an agreement we have as long as I pay the phone bill. She has been warned that I don't ever want to look and not see her location while he is living with me. She understands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

Maybe reframed as impulsive, compulsive? Is it sneaky? Maybe.

[Anonymous]

The part that got my attention was spending hours looking for her phone and your wallet. Is that at night while you’re sleeping? Like going into your room while you’re asleep and rummaging around? That’s concerning behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The part that got my attention was spending hours looking for her phone and your wallet. Is that at night while you’re sleeping? Like going into your room while you’re asleep and rummaging around? That’s concerning behavior.

Yes, or when I’m out of the house or busy with work. I agree that it’s concerning. It’s also a relatively recent development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

Maybe reframed as impulsive, compulsive? Is it sneaky? Maybe.

She knows I know she does it so “sneaky” might not be the right word.

[Anonymous]

What is she going to therapy about currently? I agree that sounds like my daughter with ADHD. Compulsive behaviors.

[Anonymous]

What does she when confronted? Is she remorseful? Does she intend to stop but can’t help herself? Or is she belligerent or argumentative? Both are bad but they suggest different underlying issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

Maybe reframed as impulsive, compulsive? Is it sneaky? Maybe.

She knows I know she does it so “sneaky” might not be the right word.

In the 80s--we'd just call that sneaky. We wouldn't go straight to 'personality disorder' or other diagnosis. GMAFB

Teens rebel and push back. Just need to be one step ahead and have consequences. After the first 'take back' time to get your game stronger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a personality disorder. Has she seen a psychiatrist?

Interesting. How come? She’s in therapy for another reason.

You cannot therapy out of this. She has a psychiatric disorder likely, and needs a psychiatrist to evaluate and prescribe meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a personality disorder. Has she seen a psychiatrist?

First confirm if she has adhd or impulsive behavior in general (money, sweets, fixations, stubborn & belligerent).

Then treat and manage the ADHD better

[Anonymous]

My 13yo nephew does some similar stuff. My in-laws bought a safe and they lock his devices inside after a certain time each day. It has some sort of alert mechanism that will let you know if entry has been attempted a certain number of times, as well.

A safe might be an option for you -- also just a good idea in general for many households.

[Anonymous]

Sound like adhd or something more serious. She needs help not punishing.

[Anonymous]

If she did this to me twice, I’d leave the device at work/relative/friend and tell her she’s lost it for a week. If she does it again the penalty doubled from this point forward. So 2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc.

I’ve got zero tolerance for speaks/dishonest behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sound like adhd or something more serious. She needs help not punishing.

Yeah, diagnose it before you try natural cons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The part that got my attention was spending hours looking for her phone and your wallet. Is that at night while you’re sleeping? Like going into your room while you’re asleep and rummaging around? That’s concerning behavior.

My son did this. He’s is 13. So addicted to the phone couldn’t think of anything else to do so would just wander around, sneak in our room, until he found it. I used to hid it in the car. Anyway, he refused to the follow the rules. He hasn’t had a phone in months. Life is so much better.