DD thinks she’s better than everyone

[Anonymous]

She's your daughter. She's doing exactly the right thing by behaving and public and being honest at home
You should congratulate her on her high EQ, and educate her on things mistaken about. But if she's correct, maybe you are letting her down by not giving her a more challenging school.

[Anonymous]

If she's so smart and funny, challenge her to do something productive with that talent.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to beat a girl down because she has confidence?

Lord sakes!

Check your biases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD16 has recently developed a very smug, “I’m better than everyone” sort of attitude. She’s always been a polite kid and will act respectful toward people, but will tear apart their looks, personality, etc. in private. She has told me that she is better (smarter, funnier, etc) than the kids at her school. Even if she is, where is she learning that it’s okay to say that? I’ve always modeled kindness and empathy. I’ve tried bringing this up to her, but her only response was, “so what if it’s mean? It’s true!”

She can say it to you though without repercussion because you are a safe space. Just let her go on about it. Probably masking some insecurities but oh well.

My 17yo ds says the same. I just smile and nod.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to beat a girl down because she has confidence?

Lord sakes!

Check your biases.

The DD is tearing down other girls’ looks. That’s not confidence.

[Anonymous]

I have honestly become MORE like this in my 40’s. Sometimes I just cannot believe how absurdly stupid the average person is. And most of the responses in this thread support my position.

How many of you encourage empathy and understanding and whatever other nonsense when discussing someone like MTG, for example? Is it ok for you to think you’re better than her? How about Trump? How about any random content creators on TikTok or Youtube?

Your daughter’s only obligation is to treat people respectfully when she interacts with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have honestly become MORE like this in my 40’s. Sometimes I just cannot believe how absurdly stupid the average person is. And most of the responses in this thread support my position.

How many of you encourage empathy and understanding and whatever other nonsense when discussing someone like MTG, for example? Is it ok for you to think you’re better than her? How about Trump? How about any random content creators on TikTok or Youtube?

Your daughter’s only obligation is to treat people respectfully when she interacts with them.

I agree with this… to a point. Saying stuff like “did you see how ugly her hair looked” and saying stuff like “most people are so boring!” are very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to beat a girl down because she has confidence?

Lord sakes!

Check your biases.

The DD is tearing down other girls’ looks. That’s not confidence.

Bingo. The homecoming queen at my high school was legitimately gorgeous and athletic and smart and she was also incredibly kind to everyone. Your daughter isn’t confident, she’s snobby.

I would say YOU don’t want to hear her cutting other people down and advise her that if she cuts people down around her friends she may lose some friends. Just keep teaching those social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most girls are like this. Let it go.

No they're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD16 has recently developed a very smug, “I’m better than everyone” sort of attitude. She’s always been a polite kid and will act respectful toward people, but will tear apart their looks, personality, etc. in private. She has told me that she is better (smarter, funnier, etc) than the kids at her school. Even if she is, where is she learning that it’s okay to say that? I’ve always modeled kindness and empathy. I’ve tried bringing this up to her, but her only response was, “so what if it’s mean? It’s true!”

Tell her she's only better if other people say it. If she says it then it looks desperate and insecure. Ask her if she's trying to convince others or herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way all throughout high school about most kids. Honestly I ended up being right.

+1 this exactly!!!

[Anonymous]

I’d probably just laugh “yes and you’re the most humble too”

[Anonymous]

The thing is, if you’re convinced other people are boring, you will miss out on what’s interesting about them. It closes you off to the world. It hurts you more than them.

Talk to her about curiosity. What might she be missing? How might incuriosity diminish her experience in the world? How might a bit of curiosity enrich it? Challenge her to notice things about others: tiny interactions, little details that less astute observers might miss. Challenge her to pay attention, then notice how noticing feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, if you’re convinced other people are boring, you will miss out on what’s interesting about them. It closes you off to the world. It hurts you more than them.

Talk to her about curiosity. What might she be missing? How might incuriosity diminish her experience in the world? How might a bit of curiosity enrich it? Challenge her to notice things about others: tiny interactions, little details that less astute observers might miss. Challenge her to pay attention, then notice how noticing feels.

Or just say you go girl!

[Anonymous]

Humility is a virtue, maybe she needs to learn this. And I’ll tell you that despite what you might think her peers pick up on this mentality, it’s not so easily hidden. Words alone don’t hide it.