So characteristic, final straw!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.
The level of disdain for your husband is what is driving you to loathe his small annoyances, and those are building to big irritations when you put them all together.
I recommend trying to be mindful that it’s your attitude toward him that are magnifying how you feel about these small things and not the other way around.
Recognize that things that are now so bothersome to you have always existed. But when you were I love with him—truly in love—you overlooked those things in your mind.

So you really just need to determine if that’s the space you want to live in.
You can choose to stay and be miserable.

Or, you have two other options:
1-choose to stay and start acting AS IF you love him again…until you do!
2–choose to leave and allow him to be loved by someone else who will adore him in spite of the annoying things that now drive you crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

If it’s the final straw, OP, what are you doing about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several days ago, two of my dear friends are visiting, the four of us including “D”H decide to go into city for nice dinner. He’s driving but gets lost on the way while I’m jabbering and can’t be his GPS like normal. Understand, we’ve lived within 1.5 miles of this restaurant for five years and go often. Once he figures out how to get there, he passes several on street parking spots that anyone with even the slightest urban sense would have attempted. He finally finds a spot to his liking but literally cannot parallel park after several tries. In the midst of multiple failed attempts, another driver sneaks into the spot. He complains but I say I can’t blame him. Ultimately, my friend’s husband volunteers to drive and expertly parks within minutes with DH blaming his declining “night vision.” To top it off, he leaves his wallet in the car and I end up paying. This is the way it goes in so many facets of life from the bedroom to home improvement to basic social skills. I admit he’s good at his job and earns a lot of money, but that only goes so far. I’d give it up for passion and someone who can hang dry wall.

I'd say Divorce him immediately, but you don't give the impression you want him happy.

From “D”H perspective, it's obvious he craves misery: he is, after all, married to you.

So is suppose the question is, what's meant my "final straw"? I don't see the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disdain op feels is ridiculous, given how much she enjoys his money.

I didn’t see that she said she enjoys his money. This isn’t everyone’s main priority in life.

NP, but your answer doesn’t track as OP was concerned about her paying for dinner vs him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disdain op feels is ridiculous, given how much she enjoys his money.

I didn’t see that she said she enjoys his money. This isn’t everyone’s main priority in life.

It's a primary concern and focal point for most women.

[Anonymous]

If you know how your husband is all you had to do was drive, park and remind him to check for his wallet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disdain op feels is ridiculous, given how much she enjoys his money.

I didn’t see that she said she enjoys his money. This isn’t everyone’s main priority in life.

What?

Money is his only redeeming quality of her spouse she can bring herself to mention. It is made plainly obvious: "I admit he’s good at his job and earns a lot of money, but that only goes so far".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.
The level of disdain for your husband is what is driving you to loathe his small annoyances, and those are building to big irritations when you put them all together.
I recommend trying to be mindful that it’s your attitude toward him that are magnifying how you feel about these small things and not the other way around.
Recognize that things that are now so bothersome to you have always existed. But when you were I love with him—truly in love—you overlooked those things in your mind.

So you really just need to determine if that’s the space you want to live in.
You can choose to stay and be miserable.

Or, you have two other options:
1-choose to stay and start acting AS IF you love him again…until you do!
2–choose to leave and allow him to be loved by someone else who will adore him in spite of the annoying things that now drive you crazy.

+1

Unfortunately, neither OP will pretend to love him nor she will leave him. She will continue to be disdainful and post on DCUM, while enjoying the fact that he is a high earner.

Thankfully, for the rest of us normal people, OP's post is an eye-opener. It shines a light on our own behavior and prompts us to be mindful towards our spouse and not be like OP.

[Anonymous]

According to your title - this behavior was the "final straw" for you. So, what are you going to do? Nothing? Then get a BOB.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a super high earner, a really intelligent man but terrible at driving directions. I am always the one directing him when we are traveling someplace new. He is awesome at parallel parking though.

The point being, this is a very small thing in a marriage. The disdain you have for him is alarming and something he doesn’t deserve. I think you should go find your drywall dream guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The disdain op feels is ridiculous, given how much she enjoys his money.

+1
Gold digger no longer enjoying the relationship?

[Anonymous]

There are days that I inwardly curse DH's incompetence. It gets old and it's very tiring to live with.

But he also has many redeeming qualities, and when the moment of frustration passes I regain my equilibrium.

If all OP could find redeeming about her H is he's a good earner, then I'd say this marriage is probably not long for the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several days ago, two of my dear friends are visiting, the four of us including “D”H decide to go into city for nice dinner. He’s driving but gets lost on the way while I’m jabbering and can’t be his GPS like normal. Understand, we’ve lived within 1.5 miles of this restaurant for five years and go often. Once he figures out how to get there, he passes several on street parking spots that anyone with even the slightest urban sense would have attempted. He finally finds a spot to his liking but literally cannot parallel park after several tries. In the midst of multiple failed attempts, another driver sneaks into the spot. He complains but I say I can’t blame him. Ultimately, my friend’s husband volunteers to drive and expertly parks within minutes with DH blaming his declining “night vision.” To top it off, he leaves his wallet in the car and I end up paying. This is the way it goes in so many facets of life from the bedroom to home improvement to basic social skills. I admit he’s good at his job and earns a lot of money, but that only goes so far. I’d give it up for passion and someone who can hang dry wall.

Good luck.

You will probably end up with someone who "hangs drywall" and cheats or someone who hangs dry wall and cannot support themselves.

Most people have strengths and weaknesses. If your DH is a bad driver, uber. Outsource the other things he is bad at since he makes great money. That is such an easy fix.

Wow! Why the disdain for people who “hang drywall”. It’s an honest living and a necessary job.

[Anonymous]

OP, why does it not occur to you that possibly he is having cognitive issues--from normal aging, or possibly from other health issues--which should be checked out? At least to rule out any such issues?

My first thought, if my DH consistently got lost (if he wasn't always that way, or if it were worsening), plus if he left important items like wallets or keys (and again, wasn't always like that), would be: "This is a change and probably needs looking at." And we'd talk about it and get him some evaluations, and a full checkup.

But your focus is on being irritated and angry with him. If you actually love him, why not see these issues as a potential sign that someone you love may be struggling in ways which might be helped? I get it, the things you describe absolutely can be objectively irritating, especially if they keep happening. But it's the "keep happening" which should push you from "I'm mad at this" to "This might be part of some bigger issue we need evaluated." I do not get spouses who simply sit and stew about behaviors and choose anger over looking for a bigger picture, especially if this is a change happening to him over time. If he's always been forgetful, etc., I'm surprised you haven't thought about whether he has untreated ADD or whatever. (And high functioning at work does not mean he can't have ADD or other issues going on.)

[Anonymous]

Can you step back from the profound irritation and objectively ask yourself if maybe you feel so strongly about the example you gave, because he embarrassed you in front of the friends who were visiting? Is the extreme vitriol you're feeling possibly compounded by the fact this all happened with "two dear friends" there to see him get lost, mess up parking, end up having to have one of those friends "fix" his parking problem? I'm not saying DH doesn't have an issue but perhaps your anger is burning so, so hot out of embarrassment, OP. And I'd try to see if there is some other problem with DH. Has he always been this challenged by directions, driving, parking, remembering wallets, etc.?