If Your Are Divorced...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the process start? Did you or your spouse tell the other you wanted a divorce? Or did you serve/or were served papers? Did any of it come as a surprise to you even if you knew the marriage was not in a good place?

I found an apartment, signed a lease (a friend needed to act as guarantor), met with an attorney to get an idea of what we would need to sort out, then wrote out a proposition and told exDH I was going to divorce him, the kids and I were moving, here's what I suggest, take the weekend to think and let's talk again Monday. This was on a Friday. We talked again Monday night, we hashed out who got what and child and spousal support and visitation, and then Tuesday I typed it up neatly and sent it to the lawyer and asked them to create that as the base for the divorce.

He was surprised but also in a way I think not? He knew things were not going well and something needed to change.

NP. Did your ex just agree to you taking the kids? I have asked my DH for a separation but we can't agree who should leave the house. He wants me to leave but says I can't take the kids. I won't leave without them. I want 50/50 custody so not like I'm trying to "take" them. What do people do in high conflict situations like this?

Yeah, no way my spouse would let me take the kids without a formal settlement agreement and vice versa. Get a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

OP, was it you or DW that initiated the separation to begin with? Ex didn't want to separate or divorce but neither was a surprise. Ex understood that I was not vindictive and being cooperative on developing the PSA for an uncontested divorce would yield a better outcome than not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the process start? Did you or your spouse tell the other you wanted a divorce? Or did you serve/or were served papers? Did any of it come as a surprise to you even if you knew the marriage was not in a good place?

I found an apartment, signed a lease (a friend needed to act as guarantor), met with an attorney to get an idea of what we would need to sort out, then wrote out a proposition and told exDH I was going to divorce him, the kids and I were moving, here's what I suggest, take the weekend to think and let's talk again Monday. This was on a Friday. We talked again Monday night, we hashed out who got what and child and spousal support and visitation, and then Tuesday I typed it up neatly and sent it to the lawyer and asked them to create that as the base for the divorce.

He was surprised but also in a way I think not? He knew things were not going well and something needed to change.

NP. Did your ex just agree to you taking the kids? I have asked my DH for a separation but we can't agree who should leave the house. He wants me to leave but says I can't take the kids. I won't leave without them. I want 50/50 custody so not like I'm trying to "take" them. What do people do in high conflict situations like this?

Yes. He knew there was no way he could handle them, and the oldest two knew he was abusive and would have refused to stay with him if we'd tried to make them. We were not in a high conflict divorce. It was his house - he had it before me. I left the house with the kids. He didn't want 50/50. We moved 45 minutes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, was it you or DW that initiated the separation to begin with? Ex didn't want to separate or divorce but neither was a surprise. Ex understood that I was not vindictive and being cooperative on developing the PSA for an uncontested divorce would yield a better outcome than not.

I am mitigated the separation. It’s a long story involving multiple affairs and abuse.

[Anonymous]

The first indication I had that my (now) ex-wife was thinking of a divorce was when, like in a country & western song, I woke up one morning and she was gone. She filed for divorce the same day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first indication I had that my (now) ex-wife was thinking of a divorce was when, like in a country & western song, I woke up one morning and she was gone. She filed for divorce the same day.

[Anonymous]

I had him served at his new girlfriend's place where he was living.