Want to raise happy, successful kids? ‘Wait as long as possible’ to give them a phone’ (Yale)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Phones with social are ubiquitous in middle schools in the DMV.

Well that’s usually age 12+, though some middle school kids are 11. It gets difficult for them to contact their friends if they have no phone whatsoever. They can have a dumb phone without social media on it. Even then they can get left out because the other kids are talking on Snap chat. [/quote

Don't kids live near friends anymore or have neighborhood friends? Thats what we did and even though it may be 12+ i dont think a phone is a good idea. Maybe sometime in high school.]

DP - I live in a city where schools have a lottery system. You don't go to the nearest neighborhood school. You can get placed anywhere in the entire city. And although there's an elementary school near us in walking distance there's no middle or HS. There are some neighborhoods that have more kids than others - DD went to the same elementary school 45-50 minutes away for six years (K-5) and only one other kid at the school lived in our neighborhood, and it's not one where kids can play outside unless they're taken to a park or playground with adult supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Phones with social are ubiquitous in middle schools in the DMV.

DMV/DCUM parents have no idea what to do until they get an expert opinion from HYP. Then they will follow lock step and cite "the science".

Science is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are so many shades of grey that people ignore in favor of ease of implementation and false virtue. The same people waiting until their kids are 16 to get a phone are the same who will tell others that there is no safe level of alcohol during pregnancy, religiously avoid television for their children until age 4, skip out on all red dye 40, etc.

Many of us can successfully encourage moderation and instill values outside of abstinence only. That's parenting, right?

May the odds ever be in your favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are so many shades of grey that people ignore in favor of ease of implementation and false virtue. The same people waiting until their kids are 16 to get a phone are the same who will tell others that there is no safe level of alcohol during pregnancy, religiously avoid television for their children until age 4, skip out on all red dye 40, etc.

Many of us can successfully encourage moderation and instill values outside of abstinence only. That's parenting, right?

My kid didn't get a phone until 16. You are correct: no alcohol during pregnancy or while trying to conceive. No TV until 2, don't know or care about food dyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Done.

I also think we should be talking more about not giving kids tablets at 4 or 5. It just hooks them on screens and apps and wires their brains for it, even if they are doing "learning apps" and not on social media at that age.

It's hard, but if you can just resist the urge to buy them an iPad as long as possible, it's good for their brains. It's one thing to give them a tablet occasionally as a one off on a long plane ride or to survive an interminable wait at a doctors office. But see if you can get them to live mostly screen-free on an average day. If they watch TV/movies, make them watch it on an actual TV where they aren't interacting with the screen in that intimate way.

I really think it makes a big difference in development -- mental, emotional, social.

+1. Also get screens out of schools in ES!!

[Anonymous]

I'm on board. Not planning to give kids any kind of phone until middle school and even then it won't be a smartphone. It'll be one of those Gabb or Gizmo or whatever type basic/dumb phone that's just for practical purposes. And no social media until age 16+. That's the plan. But my kids are only 9 and 7 now so we'll see how it goes...

[Anonymous]

i have been saying this for years, and i didn't go to yale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This comes directly from an expert at Yale:

- if you gave your kid a phone between ages 8 to 12, you did it wrong and need to take the phone away.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/10/23/wait-as-long-as-possible-to-give-kids-a-phone-yale-psychology-expert.html

Oh, well if it’s from an “expert at Yale”. . . .

Sure it’s an opportunity cost to leave your kid on a phone for hours on end, but there are benefits. Like knowing when and which door to pick my kid up after their several hours of sport and after school activities - where they aren’t glued to their phones. There are no pay phones like back in our day. Also, you will see the age and restriction level shift drastically depending on which “expert” is flapping their gob. The only thing they can agree on is limit usage and monitor content.

no need to “take the phone away” unless you are just insecure and have a knee jerk reaction to every piece of advice.

excuses, excuses.

there is no reason at all for a young kids to have phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i have been saying this for years, and i didn't go to yale.

I have also been considering telling my child not to touch a hot stove, but I simply cannot find any HYP research to support this. She does not seem well, but correlation is not causation! Who knows?! Waiting for the science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on board. Not planning to give kids any kind of phone until middle school and even then it won't be a smartphone. It'll be one of those Gabb or Gizmo or whatever type basic/dumb phone that's just for practical purposes. And no social media until age 16+. That's the plan. But my kids are only 9 and 7 now so we'll see how it goes...

At least you recognize it may be harder by age 12 then it seems now. I hope for your sake that by then many others are making the same choice. We waited until our kids were just shy of 12, and honestly, it wasn't that hard back then-this was 7 and 9 years ago. The thing is, I don't see why waiting until 12 makes any difference. It doesn't really get back until the ages of 13-18. Not sure what delaying, with boundaries, really helps with.

[Anonymous]

This article is ridiculous. Why would a kid be getting 200 notifications from a phone? Teach the kid to shut off notifications so they don't get any. Same with social media -- teach your child why interacting live with someone is better than being on social media. As for videos, there are an amazing amount of quality videos out there today. Teach your child how to separate the wheat from the chaff.

[Anonymous]

Giving kids smart phones is akin to child abuse. Hello, the whole world of nasty pornography is at their fingertips. There are many excellent dumb phone options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This comes directly from an expert at Yale:

- if you gave your kid a phone between ages 8 to 12, you did it wrong and need to take the phone away.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/10/23/wait-as-long-as-possible-to-give-kids-a-phone-yale-psychology-expert.html

Oh, well if it’s from an “expert at Yale”. . . .

Sure it’s an opportunity cost to leave your kid on a phone for hours on end, but there are benefits. Like knowing when and which door to pick my kid up after their several hours of sport and after school activities - where they aren’t glued to their phones. There are no pay phones like back in our day. Also, you will see the age and restriction level shift drastically depending on which “expert” is flapping their gob. The only thing they can agree on is limit usage and monitor content.

no need to “take the phone away” unless you are just insecure and have a knee jerk reaction to every piece of advice.

No pay phones? How many times in you childhood did you call your parents on a pay phone?

You arranged to get picked up after practice outside of door 4 at 6:15. If you were late, they would wait for you. If they were late, you would wait for them.

Have people just lost their minds?

[Anonymous]

I made it to almost 14 with my oldest and I’ll be doing the same with my younger two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Done.

I also think we should be talking more about not giving kids tablets at 4 or 5. It just hooks them on screens and apps and wires their brains for it, even if they are doing "learning apps" and not on social media at that age.

It's hard, but if you can just resist the urge to buy them an iPad as long as possible, it's good for their brains. It's one thing to give them a tablet occasionally as a one off on a long plane ride or to survive an interminable wait at a doctors office. But see if you can get them to live mostly screen-free on an average day. If they watch TV/movies, make them watch it on an actual TV where they aren't interacting with the screen in that intimate way.

I really think it makes a big difference in development -- mental, emotional, social.

4 or 5? Try taking them away from the toddlers and you'll be making serious progress. Cannot tell you how many 2 and 3 year old sideline siblings I see at my elementary kids' sporting events glued to tablets.

I'm not a perfect parent by far and all these other people probably have many areas where they are superior to me, but I did avoid that mistake.

Agreed. And I am also not the perfect parent. But FWIW it has not been super hard at all to be tablet free so far - my kids are 5 and 3. Yes they are annoying to deal with restaurants but for me it is worth it overall to NEVER HAVE THEM ASKING ME FOR A TABLET/SCREEN/GAME etc. I find the whining and entitlement SO ANNOYING (can you tell??) I also want them to tune into their surroundings, observe social dynamics etc. I learned so much as a kid just passively observing things like my mom talking to the grocery store butcher and whatnot. It was fascinating to me to observe all the interpersonal dynamics in the world. is hard to explain but it is something I want my kids to experience.