Bringing outside kids into a marriage

[Anonymous]

"How does that make things any different from what they would otherwise be?"

Teens are unlikely to get emotionally attached to dad's girlfriend since most have their own lives and barely talk or spend time with their own parents, much less with dad's girlfriend. In my case, my BF and I are in our 50s and we've each been divorced for about 10 years. The kids on both sides have had plenty of time to accept that mom and dad aren't getting back together. And they've probably already met their parents' prior post-divorce partners. In other words, this isn't the first time they've had to meet someone.

[Anonymous]

"The circumstances matter. I'd wait longer if I were a woman dating a man, especially if my child was a girl.


What if the man you were dating were also the father of a girl?"

A mom needs to exercise great caution with her children. She shouldn't expose them to men who could sexually abuse the children. The odds of a woman abusing her boyfriend's children are near zero, so it doesn't work both ways. And the fact that a man has a daughter shouldn't give him a free pass for access to a woman's daughter.

[Anonymous]

I choose to never introduce. No way am I letting a man into my kids' lives so he can leave when he gets bored or has a midlife crisis. They have a dad, they don't need another unreliable male in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whose kids? Are these your kids or are these “outside” kids as in your step kids from previous marriage? What does “outside kid” even mean?

Outside kid typically means someone cheated. Op means priors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whose kids? Are these your kids or are these “outside” kids as in your step kids from previous marriage? What does “outside kid” even mean?

Outside kid typically means someone cheated. Op means priors.

OP’s phrasing is very odd.

My friends who are divorced are not introducing their kids to their boyfriends. My friends’ kids are younger. They usually date when the ex has the kids.

My friend used to date a divorced date. She only saw him every other week. I can’t remember if she ever met the kids but they didn’t get married. My friend was younger and she was not a kid person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The circumstances matter. I'd wait longer if I were a woman dating a man, especially if my child was a girl.


What if the man you were dating were also the father of a girl?"

A mom needs to exercise great caution with her children. She shouldn't expose them to men who could sexually abuse the children. The odds of a woman abusing her boyfriend's children are near zero, so it doesn't work both ways. And the fact that a man has a daughter shouldn't give him a free pass for access to a woman's daughter.

Surprised pp even wrote that. Have you not seen the tons of stories of mom’s boyfriend sexually abusing the daughter??? A teen girl is often more attractive than the mother. My oldest is fifteen. My friends’ teen daughters look like women now.

[Anonymous]

Honestly some of my friends teen daughters are jailbait. I have sons but would have a hard time letting these girls out of the house, especially the way teen girls dress and what they emphasize these days.

[Anonymous]

"OUTSIDE" kids???

Don't you mean ... how do I bring an OUTSIDE spouse into my already existing family.

Your wording belies your sentiments about your children.

[Anonymous]

You don’t bring kids into a marriage you bring a marriage into kids lives.

The kids were there first it’s their home.

FFS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly some of my friends teen daughters are jailbait. I have sons but would have a hard time letting these girls out of the house, especially the way teen girls dress and what they emphasize these days.

Don't you mean especially the way boys don't control themselves and what they consider their due these days??

[Anonymous]

We had known each other almost a year before I met his kids (elementary). We did an activity like mini golf so there was another focus and then got ice cream.

[Anonymous]

We dated for a year, then he met my children from my first marriage. It was just a hello. The kids knew I was dating someone and wanted to meet this mystery man. We got engage at that point and he saw them about once a week. We’re now married. He and the kids get along well. He is generous with his time and money and very patient. It worked out better than I imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly some of my friends teen daughters are jailbait. I have sons but would have a hard time letting these girls out of the house, especially the way teen girls dress and what they emphasize these days.

Way more chastely and androgynously than we did 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The circumstances matter. I'd wait longer if I were a woman dating a man, especially if my child was a girl.


What if the man you were dating were also the father of a girl?"

A mom needs to exercise great caution with her children. She shouldn't expose them to men who could sexually abuse the children. The odds of a woman abusing her boyfriend's children are near zero, so it doesn't work both ways. And the fact that a man has a daughter shouldn't give him a free pass for access to a woman's daughter.

I know a couple of female friends who experienced abuse by the step-dad/boyfriend. What are the statistics on this? And, I assume it is under-reported.

[Anonymous]

"
Anonymous wrote:
Honestly some of my friends teen daughters are jailbait. I have sons but would have a hard time letting these girls out of the house, especially the way teen girls dress and what they emphasize these days.


Way more chastely and androgynously than we did 20 years ago."

Are you kidding me??? I'm a woman and it makes me uncomfortable to see the extreme shorts that are ubiquitous around here. I took my BF's teen daughter to the store this weekend and I was embarrassed to be seen with her like that. Then I saw that several other girls were wearing similar booty shorts. You pretty much need to do a bikini wax to wear those shorts, that's how skimpy they are. You definitely couldn't ride an escalator or climb stairs in them without showing your crotch. I just really don't need to see the bottom of your butt cheek, even if you're wearing an oversized tee.