Immigrant parents

[Anonymous]

How old is “elderly?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, what is their citizenship status. It might not be easy to get them here on a permanent basis.

Green card holders.

How can this be true if they don’t live here? GC status only allows living outside the U.S. for a finite period for valid reasons. If they don’t live here, how are they having GCs?

Going back and forth for months at a time is fairly common in senior citizen immigrant communities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring them. The sibling has said will take care of them, why would you deprive sibling and parents.
It will be regrets later.

Sibling and wife work full-time, eventually they'll want me to take parents to my house once parents can't care for themselves as I work part time and from home.

Then tell sibling as long as they house parents, you support it. But you cannot house parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, what is their citizenship status. It might not be easy to get them here on a permanent basis.

Green card holders.

How can this be true if they don’t live here? GC status only allows living outside the U.S. for a finite period for valid reasons. If they don’t live here, how are they having GCs?

Going back and forth for months at a time is fairly common in senior citizen immigrant communities.

Green card holders only need to be in the US once every six months. My in laws used to come back every six months and then it got to be too much so my MIL turned in her green card. I’d take on all of the care and all of the expense if it meant I could have my in laws here with us.

[Anonymous]

The sibling is perhaps right, OP. The problem with the old country is that you can't drop everything every time your parents have a medical event and get there in an hour. And believe me, as they get older, they'll have a growing number of "events" needing check-ups and hospitalizations.

So even though it might be costly for the first 5 years... it might be a good idea for the proximity to children.

Personally, I have the dilemma where my parents are not green card holders and don't plan to be, and I'm an only child who needs to take an 8 hour flight to help them. Not looking forward to the next 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring them. The sibling has said will take care of them, why would you deprive sibling and parents.
It will be regrets later.

Sibling and wife work full-time, eventually they'll want me to take parents to my house once parents can't care for themselves as I work part time and from home.

Let me guess. You are the daughter of the family?

Your brother may be a physician but he's planning on using you. What are his plans when they can no longer live in your home? Some adult kids don't have it in them to put their parents in a care home of any kind. And that is okay because as long as some other family member (usually the daughter) spends their life and free time as the parents age helping the parents to live, the other siblings can stick their head in the sand and say that of course mom and dad are well taken care of and we would never stick them in a home. Push back if you are able to.

I'm seeing this dynamic play out with my SIL and BIL. BIL is a selfish SOB who totally undervalues what SIL is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring them. The sibling has said will take care of them, why would you deprive sibling and parents.
It will be regrets later.

Sibling and wife work full-time, eventually they'll want me to take parents to my house once parents can't care for themselves as I work part time and from home.

Let me guess. You are the daughter of the family?

Your brother may be a physician but he's planning on using you. What are his plans when they can no longer live in your home? Some adult kids don't have it in them to put their parents in a care home of any kind. And that is okay because as long as some other family member (usually the daughter) spends their life and free time as the parents age helping the parents to live, the other siblings can stick their head in the sand and say that of course mom and dad are well taken care of and we would never stick them in a home. Push back if you are able to.

I'm seeing this dynamic play out with my SIL and BIL. BIL is a selfish SOB who totally undervalues what SIL is doing.

Sounds like OP will take care of them for 10 years until they become medically needy, then will end up in an expensive US nursing home, with one of them not speaking English. The dad/English speaker will probably pass first leaving the mom/non-English speaker for 10 or 15 years. At that point it will be next to impossible to get her situated in her home country, so she will spend her last years not able to talk to people.

OP, if you are the solution to the parent problem in your brother's eyes, is he planning on financially compensating you for your labor?

[Anonymous]

Do they have a work history in the US? Will they qualify for Medicare? Elder care is very expensive in the US. I don’t see how this makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The sibling is perhaps right, OP. The problem with the old country is that you can't drop everything every time your parents have a medical event and get there in an hour. And believe me, as they get older, they'll have a growing number of "events" needing check-ups and hospitalizations.

So even though it might be costly for the first 5 years... it might be a good idea for the proximity to children.

Personally, I have the dilemma where my parents are not green card holders and don't plan to be, and I'm an only child who needs to take an 8 hour flight to help them. Not looking forward to the next 10 years.

There is another sibling in home country living and inheriting their house so they won't be alone there and also have their own siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, neighbors, friends and above all affordable hired help speaking their mother tongue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is “elderly?”

Late 70's mother, early 80's father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring them. The sibling has said will take care of them, why would you deprive sibling and parents.
It will be regrets later.

Sibling and wife work full-time, eventually they'll want me to take parents to my house once parents can't care for themselves as I work part time and from home.

Let me guess. You are the daughter of the family?

Your brother may be a physician but he's planning on using you. What are his plans when they can no longer live in your home? Some adult kids don't have it in them to put their parents in a care home of any kind. And that is okay because as long as some other family member (usually the daughter) spends their life and free time as the parents age helping the parents to live, the other siblings can stick their head in the sand and say that of course mom and dad are well taken care of and we would never stick them in a home. Push back if you are able to.

I'm seeing this dynamic play out with my SIL and BIL. BIL is a selfish SOB who totally undervalues what SIL is doing.

Sounds like OP will take care of them for 10 years until they become medically needy, then will end up in an expensive US nursing home, with one of them not speaking English. The dad/English speaker will probably pass first leaving the mom/non-English speaker for 10 or 15 years. At that point it will be next to impossible to get her situated in her home country, so she will spend her last years not able to talk to people.

OP, if you are the solution to the parent problem in your brother's eyes, is he planning on financially compensating you for your labor?

I won't take money to care for my own parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a work history in the US? Will they qualify for Medicare? Elder care is very expensive in the US. I don’t see how this makes sense.

No work history.

[Anonymous]

Your mother will be so lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love them but with my own health issues I can't be a full time caregiver.

So your brother got them to come providing free childcare, and now he wants them to come back with you eventually providing eldercare?

[Anonymous]

Home country sounds ideal. What does the US have that they can’t get in their home country? Bringing them sounds like a miserable plan. Go visit them and your sibling.