Parent input on trans name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait it out. My NB kid is on her third new name. They’ve gotten better each time.

😂😂😂
The names my child tells me the kids from school have are so terrible. I try to be sensitive and ask what their "dead name" is and it's always lovely.

Also, initials are an option too. If you have a PJ or a TJ or something that could work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non binary and trans are not the same thing. Is there a reason you are conflating them, OP?

Actually, many NB individuals consider themselves to be part of the trans community so OP isn’t wrong.

My NB (now adult) child had long gone by a gender neutral nickname derived from their birth name. So at 17 I facilitated a legal name change so that DC could get everything switched over the summer after graduation and start college with that name, rather than have to change things later. There were definitely names being considered that made me shudder and I’m really glad DC decided on this in the end, but since it wasn’t my name I kept my mouth shut unless asked or there was a valid concern DC should consider (sharing a name with a convicted felon on the no fly list would have fallen into that category for me so I would at least have mentioned it).

[Anonymous]

“Your post sounds like you’re upset that the name you chose was rejected and you’re trying to keep control of the name.”

I agree with this. IMO you need to back off. You’re taking their name change personally when it’s not about you.

I don’t think you should push your child to ‘let you’ name them again. If they are unhappy with their name, they will change it, you will adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non binary and trans are not the same thing. Is there a reason you are conflating them, OP?

Actually, many NB individuals consider themselves to be part of the trans community so OP isn’t wrong.

My NB (now adult) child had long gone by a gender neutral nickname derived from their birth name. So at 17 I facilitated a legal name change so that DC could get everything switched over the summer after graduation and start college with that name, rather than have to change things later. There were definitely names being considered that made me shudder and I’m really glad DC decided on this in the end, but since it wasn’t my name I kept my mouth shut unless asked or there was a valid concern DC should consider (sharing a name with a convicted felon on the no fly list would have fallen into that category for me so I would at least have mentioned it).

Nonbinary people are absolutely part of the trans community. Some nonbinary people do not feel "trans enough" to call themselves trans while others do. Some nonbinary people are not on cross sex hormones while others are. Binary trans people will accept a nonbinary person as transgender if that person identifies with that term. A little more in the weeds, most of the nonbinary people I know that don't feel trans enough and just use nonbinary do so because they aren't on hormones. But if they start identifying with the label transgender then I would absolutely use that term for them and consider them as trans. A nonbinary person isn't (definitionally) a binary trans man or trans woman obviously but that's it. You can't be simultaneously binary and nonbinary but you can be nonbinary and transgender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very sweet and kind. Yes, I would talk about it, approaching it delicately. I would state your reasons, especially the no-fly thing. You may or may not be able to change their mind, but talking about it may help you with it emotionally. They may change their mind; I know my daughter had more than one idea. You could talk about how this is a choice for a long time and to be sure they like it l.

Also, I had really liked the name I gave my child and mourned the change for several years. Last year I helped her change her name and am okay with it now. I mention it because I think there is a big emotional connection to the names we choose. I wouldn't have chosen her new name, but it is a beautiful name and since she's used it for a few years now, I'm used to it.

Yeah, I can imagine that is hard. I mean, I picked my kids' names and I love their names. I would be sad if they changed them and I had no input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non binary and trans are not the same thing. Is there a reason you are conflating them, OP?

Actually, many NB individuals consider themselves to be part of the trans community so OP isn’t wrong.

My NB (now adult) child had long gone by a gender neutral nickname derived from their birth name. So at 17 I facilitated a legal name change so that DC could get everything switched over the summer after graduation and start college with that name, rather than have to change things later. There were definitely names being considered that made me shudder and I’m really glad DC decided on this in the end, but since it wasn’t my name I kept my mouth shut unless asked or there was a valid concern DC should consider (sharing a name with a convicted felon on the no fly list would have fallen into that category for me so I would at least have mentioned it).

Nonbinary people are absolutely part of the trans community. Some nonbinary people do not feel "trans enough" to call themselves trans while others do. Some nonbinary people are not on cross sex hormones while others are. Binary trans people will accept a nonbinary person as transgender if that person identifies with that term. A little more in the weeds, most of the nonbinary people I know that don't feel trans enough and just use nonbinary do so because they aren't on hormones. But if they start identifying with the label transgender then I would absolutely use that term for them and consider them as trans. A nonbinary person isn't (definitionally) a binary trans man or trans woman obviously but that's it. You can't be simultaneously binary and nonbinary but you can be nonbinary and transgender.

Interesting. Two of my family members who are NB do take hormones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Non binary and trans are not the same thing. Is there a reason you are conflating them, OP?

Actually, many NB individuals consider themselves to be part of the trans community so OP isn’t wrong.

My NB (now adult) child had long gone by a gender neutral nickname derived from their birth name. So at 17 I facilitated a legal name change so that DC could get everything switched over the summer after graduation and start college with that name, rather than have to change things later. There were definitely names being considered that made me shudder and I’m really glad DC decided on this in the end, but since it wasn’t my name I kept my mouth shut unless asked or there was a valid concern DC should consider (sharing a name with a convicted felon on the no fly list would have fallen into that category for me so I would at least have mentioned it).

Nonbinary people are absolutely part of the trans community. Some nonbinary people do not feel "trans enough" to call themselves trans while others do. Some nonbinary people are not on cross sex hormones while others are. Binary trans people will accept a nonbinary person as transgender if that person identifies with that term. A little more in the weeds, most of the nonbinary people I know that don't feel trans enough and just use nonbinary do so because they aren't on hormones. But if they start identifying with the label transgender then I would absolutely use that term for them and consider them as trans. A nonbinary person isn't (definitionally) a binary trans man or trans woman obviously but that's it. You can't be simultaneously binary and nonbinary but you can be nonbinary and transgender.

Interesting. Two of my family members who are NB do take hormones.

They're welcome to use nonbinary with or without the term transgender. Whatever feels right for them. I would certainly call them trans if they call themselves that. I know nonbinary AFAB people that get top surgery and are never on testosterone. They have gender dysphoria with their chest but that's it. There's a pretty broad way that nonbinary people transition from just name and pronouns to being basically indistinguishable from a binary trans person. I know a lot of nonbinary people.

- binary trans woman

[Anonymous]

Our child changed their name around the same age and when they first told us their choice we asked if we could give other suggestions because we thought they could do better.

We worked with them on looking at names and their meaning and language background and they decided they wanted to go with something else.

I would say if your kid has already adopted a name that you missed your opportunity to give your opinion.