DH depressed over his career

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend taught math at community college.

He got a job doing data base programming for the ID department at the Division I college in our town. He still does not make a lot of money but he gets state benefits and retirement.

[Anonymous]

I left a federal job at 48 after 23 years in the Fed and I didn't have a better job lined up. I took a huge pay cut. People thought I was crazy leaving a job with a pension to go into the unknown...But at that time I went into a depressive spiral my wife has just filed a divorce and I was facing huge child support payments and underfunded kids college account. Best decision I ever made within 3 years I doubled my salary and I am now a Senior Director at 59. But I had a plan with specific goals. I knew which industry I wanted to work in and when faced with adversity sometimes the best of us come out

[Anonymous]

People are being overly optimistic. He has very low chances of making a career change at that age. What is he going to talk about during his interviews? The various ways to change diapers. He waited too long and he is now in full blown midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who used to teach math at a community college (not adjunct though). They went into actuarial work next and then worked for a school district office overseeing math curriculum.

I think your DH could definitely get some kind of data analyst job. He might need to get a certificate or do a bootcamp. There's no way he'll make less than he does currently and he'll be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left a federal job at 48 after 23 years in the Fed and I didn't have a better job lined up. I took a huge pay cut. People thought I was crazy leaving a job with a pension to go into the unknown...But at that time I went into a depressive spiral my wife has just filed a divorce and I was facing huge child support payments and underfunded kids college account. Best decision I ever made within 3 years I doubled my salary and I am now a Senior Director at 59. But I had a plan with specific goals. I knew which industry I wanted to work in and when faced with adversity sometimes the best of us come out

Umm did you end up divorced? Because that would not have been worth it unless the marriage didn’t matter to you anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, my issue is you doing this for him. Where is he on this thread looking for help himself?

This is a red flag. My ex did this exactly this and found a weaker woman to have an affair with. They deserve each other.

He’s having an adult tantrum and it’s fully and completely on him that his career doesn’t exist. Do not let him blame you, but be prepared for him to do exactly that if you don’t stop being his mom.

I’m sorry to be harsh but I’m seeing big issues here and I’m trying to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should teach HS and get a pension. Or apply to federal government.

+1. Teachers don't make a ton of money, but I bet they make twice as much as community college adjuncts. It is a respectable job with a pension.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the move to teaching high school, since he doesn’t have a teaching certificate he’s best off applying to privates.

[Anonymous]

Get into data science.

[Anonymous]

If he quits, get him to be a substitute for high school. This will bring in somw money and he can get a long term gig. This to figure out if he wants to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are being overly optimistic. He has very low chances of making a career change at that age. What is he going to talk about during his interviews? The various ways to change diapers. He waited too long and he is now in full blown midlife crisis.

He's not going for a BS corporate job. He's going for a job using his hard technical skills. He'll talk about the math/data problems the business needs solved.

OP calling a math degree "dry* is ignorant. It's one of the most sought after degrees, because the world runs on math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should teach HS and get a pension. Or apply to federal government.

+1. Teachers don't make a ton of money, but I bet they make twice as much as community college adjuncts. It is a respectable job with a pension.

It's also 10x as much work and more stress.

[Anonymous]

Teachers in DCPS make pretty good money! And we need math teachers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he can do the hard quant stuff behind ai or analytics, it will not he hard for him to transition AT ALL. There are tons of certificates programs he could use to pivot.

If his field of math is something without monetizable applications or if he’s not willing to compromise, yes, it will be harder.

This. Have him look at certificates he can do to update his skills.

Also, he could look at roles for public school math teachers. If you’re in the DMV check out DCPS. My cousin is a particular teacher (not math but I believe for learning difficulties), makes 6 figures, summers off, and will get a pension. Also excellent healthcare. She also brags she doesn’t do lesson plans and is always done at the end of the school day (which would be different for a math teacher and imho she’s probably not a good teacher anyway). Schools need good math teachers.

What about Policy think tanks?

[Anonymous]

He daddy tracked and raised kids - not so different from what many women do. He has a Masters degree and can easily get back into work at a higher salary. You should encourage him, not discourage him